


Do you remember?

by SoulLove



Category: Gwen Stefani - Fandom, The Voice (US) RPF, blake shelton - Fandom
Genre: AU, Angst, Drama, F/M, Father Figures, Father-Daughter Relationship, Fatherhood, Fluffy, Love, Romance, alternative universe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-25
Updated: 2017-11-08
Packaged: 2018-12-06 21:46:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 62,910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11609583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SoulLove/pseuds/SoulLove
Summary: When did we lose our way?Easier to let it goSo many, can't tell anybodyHarder to let you knowOh, don't be scared about itDon't forget it was realDo you remember the way it made you feel?Do you remember the things it let you feel?How do I make you stay?When it's easier to let you goNobody know what we know about itNo one needs to knowAlmost eight years later, they find each other again. A lot has happened and they both grew apart, but the wound is still very much open. The memories, the pain and the love they had for each other are still there, somewhere inside both of them. But Gwen kept a secret from Blake, a secret with the same blue eyes and dimples.Spotify writing playlist: https://open.spotify.com/user/12146200518/playlist/67AaE0sbvRnCeRWLaC68pR





	1. The river of tears has washed me clean

**Author's Note:**

> So, I had a dream with this story last night and I just HAD to get up and write to get it off of me. This is not the fic I was planning to do after Breathe Me, it just came out of literally NOWHERE. So I'll try to keep both of them (the new and this one) as soon as I finish Breathe Me. It will take me a while to update it but it couldn't help myself, I had to post it now to see your reactions!
> 
> I hope you like it!

“Aurora, am I having trouble with my sight or is that really you throwing paper napkins at Apollo?”

 

My youngest was a firecracker. At only seven years old, she was able to set a whole city on fire just with a smile and a twinkle of her blue eyes. Her favorite hobby nowadays was to make her brother angry at her. When I called her name, she stopped dead and smiled at me, that beautiful angelic smile, completely innocent and devilish at the same time.

 

“I wasn’t, mommy, I swear.” She answered, while Apollo took the last piece of paper out of his shirt with a simple roll of his eyes. She was lucky that Apollo was the most patient brother she had, because if it were Zuma or Kings at his place…

 

“You two, go at the back to see if Kingston need help unloading his instruments. You guys can carry some wires or whatever.”

 

“Yes, mommy.” And they went their way, running to see who would arrive first. I shook my head, going back to what I was doing before my interruption.

 

I couldn’t believe that I was about to open my sixth restaurant in the West Coast, the first one in LA, tonight. It was a dream coming true. Not only I was a successful business woman, I was also raising four of the most beautiful children I’ve ever seen. Despite the occasional fuss and some misbehavior here and there, they were all very polite and mature for their ages. And thank God for that, because I surely couldn’t have done this alone otherwise.

 

Since that rainy day almost eight years ago, I didn’t let anyone come closer. I shut my heart, threw the key out the window and started focusing on my business. I moved to Seattle, where there was almost none paparazzis and I could live a somewhat normal life and raise my family. Now, I had a 19 year old music undergrad, a 17 year old senior in high school, a 10 year old just entering the moody phase and a 7 year old that was the princess of the house. A handful, but I wouldn’t change that for the world.

 

Kingston would play tonight with his band for the opening, leaving this proud mamma even more of a train wreck than she already was. They were amazing, truly talented, and I could sense they were about to make it. I could only hope that he would continue at the path I set out for him, finishing his studies before touring the world.

 

It was almost 5 o’clock, the tables were done, everything in the kitchen was in the capable hands of Luke, my main chef, and all the waiters and waitresses were already arriving to put the finishing touches on everything. I had assembled a great team, using my past experiences, hiring new personnel months earlier and getting them trained at the other subsidiaries to get them used to the way we worked.

 

My brother and my sister-in-law would arrive soon to help take care of the kids while I welcomed our guests and clients. On normal days, the kids stayed at back in Seattle with the nanny, doing homework and going to bed early, but today they really bugged me to come see the new restaurant, especially with their big brother playing, so I had no choice but to bring them.

 

I checked my outfit one last time on the mirror across the room. I was finally believing my mom: I needed to gain some weight soon. With all of the stress those past months, I lost a few crucial pounds, and now I was looking like a ghost in my black sequin dress. I had Gregory and Danilo, my best friends and beauty team, to come and doll me up, because tonight I would have some magazines and newspapers over and I had to look good on the pictures.

 

I was organizing the cashier’s counter when I heard the door opening. Thinking that it was Todd and Jen, I didn’t mind, so I stayed with my head down, separating the tabs of each table on our schedule. All of our seats were booked for the first two weeks, thanks to my awesome marketing team.

 

“Hello?”

 

I heard a familiar voice, and instantly my heart skipped a beat. _No, this can’t be_.

 

“Gwen, are you there?”

 

I tried to stay in the shadows while I calmed my crazy heart. I haven’t heard that voice in seven and a half years. I thought I was over him, I thought I was done losing my mind over what happened between us. But apparently not, giving that my heart was beating so fast that it would break my ribcage at any moment.

 

I heard him getting closer to where I was at, so I took a deep breath and got out of my hiding.

 

“Hi, Blake.”

 

He was even more handsome than I remembered. His hair was fully grey now,  but the unruly trait of his curls remained. His trace of a beard was also covered with white hairs, but the most shocking thing was his outfit. He was using a deep blue suit with gray tie and normal shoes instead of boots. He looked ready to buy some stocks on Wall Street or whatever. No jeans or plaid this time.

 

“It’s so nice to see you. I just got back in town when I read on the news you were opening a new restaurant in LA.”

 

“Yeah, it’s nice to see you too.” _Steady, heart._ Don’t give me away now. “What are you doing here?”

 

“I… I don’t have a good excuse.” He approached me, and my hand flew instinctively over my stomach, in a gesture that he interpreted as _back out_. “I just saw your name and wanted to see you again.”

 

“It’s nice that you remembered me after almost a decade.” I replied, sounding way more bitter that I intended. But the memories were flooding my brain and it was too painful to be polite.

 

“I’m sorry.” He simply said, as if that would make up to all the tears I’ve cried over him. But this Gwen would not be crying no more. “I’m in town because… because Carson is sick. I wanted to see him before the worst.”

 

“Oh no… How did I not know this?” Despite of everything that had happened, despite my retirement of the music world and Blake’s sudden change of lanes, Carson was a good friend of mine and I hated to learn that he was sick like that.

 

“It’s kind of a secret. I only found out because I called Siri one day and he had just been rushed to the hospital unconscious. She was desperate so she ended up telling me.”

 

I leaned by a table to keep me on my feet, suddenly feeling the world spin around me way too fast. “What does he have?”

 

“Brain tumor. He will undergo surgery in a couple days to get it out.”

 

I lost my breath and felt my sight go black. Blake rushed to keep me from falling and placed my on a chair until I was alright. But he was too close and I was feeling trapped.

 

“A-also… Miranda and I got a divorce.” My head snapped back at him, but before I could answer. I heard a noise behind us.

 

“Mom… Is everything okay?”

 

I got up, still a little dizzy, and went closer to Kingston, talking to him on a low voice. “Yeah baby, everything okay.”

 

“What’s Blake doing here?” A part of me felt pain of hearing Kings say his name with such anger. Blake was a role model for him. But he was old enough to understand when it all happened and he saw first hand how bad I got after he left.

 

“Hi, Kingston.” Blake awkwardly tried to say, but the only response he got from King was a stink eye.

 

“He’s just passing by. Go keep your brothers and sister at the back while I finish talking to him.”

 

“You got it. But I’ll be close if you need me.” King was always my protector and I loved that about him.

 

He disappeared by the door and I took a moment before turning around to face Blake again.

 

“I’m sorry, Blake, but this is not a good time. Send my love to Carson and tell him I promise I’ll visit him as soon as I can.” _Please, be gone. I can’t breathe with you here._ “I have a lot to do before the clients start arriving.”

 

“Yeah, sure, I’ll get out of your way.” He adjusted his tie, feeling uncomfortable. “I’ll see you around.”

 

“Uhm, yeah…. Please come have dinner before you head back to Nashville.” I said, wondering if he could tell that my invite was totally fake. I didn’t want to see him ever again. The sooner he leaves, the better.

 

“Don’t worry...  I’ll be here in LA a long time now. I’m opening a branch of my label in town.”

 

_Oh, fuck._

 

Just as he was about to open the door to leave, I heard tiny footsteps running over the tables area and I knew I was ruined.

 

“Mommy, mommy, look! I found a weird flower on the patio!” Aurora had her cheeks flushed with the exercise, the pink fabric of her dress having trouble keeping up with her pace. She got to my side and lifted her arms for me to pick her up. Noticing that Blake was standing my the door, she got shy and hid her face on my neck.  “Who is him, mommy?” She handed me the flower and started playing with my hair.

 

“He is just a friend, sweetie. He is on his way out.”

 

“Hi, pretty girl.” Blake turned his body around and came closer to say hi to her. I was trembling, so I tried my best to hid her face with her own pretty blond, curly hair. But she was more curious than shy, so she lifted her face to stare at him.

 

“Will you eat at my mommy’s place tonight?”

 

“Probably not, dear… But I’ll come back with a present next time I can.” He must have noticed something about her, I’m sure, it couldn’t be. But he didn’t show. “I didn’t know you had another baby.” He said at me, and I swear I heard a hint of pain on his words.

 

“Yes, she is my youngest.”

 

“So, are you married?”

 

“No.” It was all I could reply. I’m sure he was asking who her father is, or who took his place on my bed after he was gone. But I couldn’t bring myself to answer those questions just yet.

 

He waved goodbye to me and Aurora and nodded his head on his way out, respecting my lack of words.

 

There is no way he didn’t notice the resemblance. He was probably doing the math right now in his car. I’m sure of it. And now my bubble of peace and quiet was forever ruined. I hugged my little princess, with the same exact blue eyes as the man that just left, and put her on the floor, watching her as she jumped danced her way back to the patio outside.

 

I wish she could remain this innocent and cheerful for ever. I wish I could leave her out of this. But probably Blake will realize the truth sooner or later and hell will break loose. I hid my face in my hands, completely lost.

 

I felt Kingston’s hands on my shoulder. He was taller than me by at least five inches, so it was easy for me to cuddle inside my oldest arms. We also shared a deeper connection that I did with his siblings, mainly because he was my rock when everything fell apart. He was just 12 at the time, but he wasn’t dumb. And, without a male figure on the house, he stepped in for his brothers and later, for his sister.

 

“Did you tell him, mom?”

 

“I couldn’t.”

 

“You should have told him.”

 

“He will probably guess. I mean, how can he not to? Aurora looks more and more like him by the day.”

 

“Even the dimples.”

 

“He didn’t see those, but I’m sure the eyes told him the truth.”

 

“What are you going to do when he comes back?”

 

“Pray that he doesn’t.”

 

“Mom.” He scolded me.

 

“I know, I know. I have to think about it. I don’t know what to do. I wasn’t expecting him to just show up like that.”

 

“He deserves to know, mom. She is his daughter too.”

 

“Shhh…” I adverted him. Aurora was just about to enter the phase of asking who her daddy was and I didn’t need that added pressure on my mind right now. She could not hear that word or I would never get peace.

 

“I’ll think about it. But now I have a business to open and you have a concert to play.”

 

He kissed my forehead, leaving me alone. I took a series of deep breaths, trying to organize my thoughts. After all this time picking the pieces up of a heart that Blake completely shattered without looking back, here he was again, leaving a path of destruction like a tornado.

 

In his defense, he didn’t know I was 8 weeks pregnant when he left me.

 

But how could I tell him? He accused me of cheating on him, and if I told him I was pregnant he would just laugh and tell me to find my lover because the kid was probably his. Even after he got proof that I was innocent, he was already married to Miranda and never came looking for me again. I moved to Seattle, stepped back from music for good and I was living a happy quiet life.

 

Until now.

 

Because a goddamn hurricane was headed my way and I had absolutely no shelter to protect me from it.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	2. I can't pretend that I don't miss you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I forgot to say it: for the sake of the storyline, both Gwen and Blake are the same age: 47 now. 
> 
> Thanks for all the comments, I loved all feedback! Please let me know how you think of this chapter!

“I saw Gwen today.” I announced to no one in particular in the room. I just had to get it out my chest. Both Adam and Carson snapped their heads at me, with a shock look on their faces. But the thing the bothered me most was: they immediately looked at each other after, as if they were hiding something. 

 

“You did?” Adam began carefully. “How is she?”

 

“Great. Opening a new restaurant in town.”

 

“Did you tell her… about me?” Carson asked. 

 

“Yeah. She says she will visit you as soon as she can.” He simply nodded, acknowledging my answer but not replying back. “Okay, so you both knew?”

 

“Knew what?”

 

“That she had another baby.”

 

They looked at each other again, deciding what to tell me. Adam closed his eyes and swinged his hand to Carson, allowing him to tell me the truth. 

 

“Yeah, buddy… We knew it.”

 

“Is she.. The baby.. Is mine?”

 

“I still kept in touch with her for some time but she always changed the subject when I asked her about the baby.” Carson added. 

 

“That doesn’t answer my question.”

 

“Blake… I think you should ask her, not us.” Adam replied. 

 

I got up from my chair, rubbing my hands on my face, overwhelmed. If that little girl really is my daughter, that makes things so much worse. 

 

“Buddy… That’s not the only thing.” I turned around to face Adam, who was scratching his head, trying to figure out the best way to say what he was about to say. He took a deep breath and let it all out. “She.. Gwen almost died giving birth.” My jaw dropped and my eyes practically jumped out of my face. Before I could yell at both of them, Adam got up too and put his hands on my chest to calm me down. “She only told us months later, when she was already fine. And she made us promise that we wouldn’t tell you.”

 

“Still!! I should have known! Oh my God, Adam! If Gwen had really died? Any of you would have told me?” They looked at each other, trying to remain calm seeing me burst out on them. I kept walking back and forth in the room Carson was hospitalized before his surgery. “Do you both think I would ever forgive myself if she did?”

 

I took a deep breath, trying to keep my brain from going into overdrive. Seeing her yesterday just… Brought back a lot of memories. Good and bad. The way I treated her the day I last saw her… I was so selfish, so naive. I didn’t even let her talk. I just shove pictures of the alleged cheating on her face as she cried in silence. At the time, I thought she was quiet because she was guilty, but now… Maybe she was quiet because she already knew that she was pregnant. 

 

I let Miranda manipulate me all those years. I believed in her, because how could I not? I thought the woman I loved had cheated on me and Miranda was there to offer me consolation. After I found out that the photos were fake, I tried to get a divorce but Miranda told me that she was carrying my baby. Then, she said she had had a miscarriage. How could I get a divorce then? So I stayed. 

 

Two months ago, I caught by accident a couple old emails on Miranda’s inbox and found out about everything. It was all a damn lie. So I got out of the house and finally freed myself from her. I’ve been trying to reach Gwen ever since, but she moved away from LA and changed all her contacts. The few people that kept in touch with her still wouldn’t tell me where she was. 

 

But thankfully, the minute I touched down on LAX I stumbled on a food magazine with her name on the cover, talking about her new restaurant. So I went there. But I wasn’t expecting to see her with a little girl calling her “mommy”. That completely threw me off balance. She could have someone new in her life. She wasn’t married, but still she could have a boyfriend, or an ex… 

 

Until I got in the car, and as I was looking into the rearview mirror to get back into traffic, the little girl’s eyes popped up back into my memory. They looked like mine. That girl could be my daughter. 

 

It was our dream, back when we were together, to have a baby girl. We talked about it for days no end, choosing names and deciding on nurseries and little ballerina dresses. We sent each other pictures every time we saw a cute baby on the street, saying things like “That could be ours one day” and stuff like that. 

 

I feel like kicking myself in the nuts every time I think that she went through all of this alone and hurting. I keeping wishing a hole to swallow me entirely, or a lightning bolt to hit me on the street, because I really deserve it. Especially now that Adam told me that she almost died. I feel completely like shit. 

 

Actually, shit would was a way too nice word for what I’m feeling right now. 

 

“I think she is mine. She looks like me and the age is probably right.” I ran my hands through my hair, feeling a deep repulsion for myself. “God, what have I done?”

 

Both my friends shrugged their shoulders, not knowing how to answer me. Because I was right, I was the dumb idiot that lashed out on the sweetest person on Earth and completely broke her heart. And now, finding out that she could be pregnant at the time... I was a monster. 

 

“What did she say to you when you showed up?” Adam asked. 

 

“We didn’t talk much. She got shaken with your news, almost passed out. She is too thin, but still… I lost my breath when I saw her. Gwen still is the astonishing woman I once loved.”

 

“Loved as in…. Past tense?” Carson didn’t believe me. 

 

“It doesn’t matter, does it? She will never look my way again.”

 

“Even so… She deserves an apology. And if the little girl really is your daughter, you deserve to be on her life.” 

 

“Do I? Because I sure treated her mother like shit. Kingston hates me, and he isn’t even my kid.” 

 

Adam scoffed. “Impossible, that boy loved you.”

 

“His mother did too.” That shut them up. 

 

Now, I was at a crossroad. I really want to find out if that girl is my kid, but I don’t feel like I deserve to be in her life. At the other hand…. She could be my only child. 

 

So, on the next day, I bought a gift for both of them and showed up on the restaurant again before business hours. A tall man with chef attire was there talking to her. They were laughing about something, along with two boys. Well, not boys, but a teenager taller than Gwen (not that it was hard to be taller than her), probably Zuma, but he wasn’t wearing glasses and looked much thinner than I remembered, and another one who looked like Apollo, because of his long hair. I got a little closer and confirmed my suspicions.

 

Apollo was the first to notice me. He stared at me, confused, trying to remember where did he know me from. His eyes flew to my feet, because today I was wearing boots again, and he realized who I was. 

 

“Blakey?” His delighted face was relieving. At least one of them didn’t hate me. He was too young to understand what had happened back then. He ran to my arms for a hug and I almost cried with joy.

 

“Hey, buddy! My God, you’re so tall! Have you been eating baking soda?”

 

He laughed, the same angelic laugh he had when he was a toddler. 

 

“I can’t believe you’re here! I was just talking about cowboys with Aurora! I’ll go get her! She will freak out when she meets you!” He let go of me and ran to the back door. 

 

Sadly, he was the only one happy to see me. Gwen looked like she had been forced to eat something very sour, Zuma simply stared at me, intrigued, and the chef went into fight mode, puffing his chest and low key getting in front of Gwen. 

 

“Sir, we are not opened yet.” He said, trying to get me out. Gwen landed her hand on his shoulder and he turned his head to her.

 

“It’s okay, Luke.” She said on a soft, low voice.

 

“Uh…. Hi everyone. Hey, Zuma. It’s good to see you.”

 

“Hi, Blake. How are you?” He asked on a tamed, deep voice. He had fully grown up, sporting a hint of beard on his face. He always looked like his grandfather Dennis and now they must be completely twins. Zuma looked at Gwen to see her reaction, but didn’t think she would mind, so he came forward to greet me. 

 

“I’m great, buddy. How about you? How’s school?”

 

“Pretty much boring. I’m graduating this summer.” 

 

“Congratulations! And do you know what college are you going to attend?”

 

“UCLA. Same as Kingston.”

 

“Nice.”

 

We fell into that awkward silence. He looked over his shoulder to his mom and the chef, suddenly realizing that maybe I wasn’t good news. So he excused himself and got out of the room. 

 

When he was out of earshot, the chef turned to Gwen. “Do you want me to stay while you talk to him?”  _ He knew who I was _ ?  _ Who was this guy _ ? 

 

“There’s no need, Luke. I know what this is about. But please keep Aurora and Apollo at the back.” She answered. 

 

Luke stared at me one last time, like a warning, and followed the same path Zuma had taken. She finally looked at me for the first time since I’ve stepped into the restaurant, but waited for me to say something first.

 

“Your little girl… Aurora… She is mine too, isn’t she?” She nodded, closing her eyes. I ran my fingers through my hair, remorseful. “I didn’t know… Nobody ever...“ The guilt was eating me alive.

 

“I asked them not to. I saw on the news that you were engaged to Miranda. I didn’t want to  _ disturb that happiness. _ ” Ouch. That sarcasm dripping out of her words hurt. “I was also on bed rest for the entire pregnancy. That was a high risk of her not being born alive.”

 

You know that thing called karma? I didn’t know exactly what it was before, but sure as hell I has having an intense class about that now. God keeps slapping me on the face over and over to see if I quit being stupid. As if that wasn’t enough, I just had to be crushed again.

 

“Is he… your boyfriend? The chef?” 

 

“Yes.” She answered, but didn’t look into my eyes. Yeah, I deserved that. 

 

“I brought you and Aurora a gift.” I showed her the bags. “I didn’t know what she liked so I bought her a pink fluffy pony.” She laughed unexpectedly, catching me off guard. “What?”

 

“She is in the stuffed animals phase. She will absolutely love that.” I smiled. 

 

“Can I… I mean, does she know who I am?” Her smile dropped and her face turned serious.

 

“No, I haven’t told her.”

 

“Will you?” She stared at me with an _excuse me_? face. “I’m sorry, what I meant was… I want to be a part of her life. I understand that you probably hate my guts and I get that, but she… She is my only daughter. I know don’t have a right to ask you that after all I put you through… Even still…”

 

She stood there in silence for a long time, debating what her options were. Ultimately, she agreed. “I was wrong too, keeping her away from you. I know she deserves a father… I just couldn’t.. The thought of you…” She lowered her head, facing the ground. “I thought you were going to say that she wasn’t yours and I my heart would not have bered that.”

 

The worst thing? She was right. If she had told me she was pregnant that day, I would never believe that the child was mine. 

 

How could I begin to apologize for all the crap at threw at her? Had I even the slightest chance of even been forgiven by her? I took my time just breathing her in, contemplating the woman that once was my whole world. I remember being so heartbroken by what I thought she did, only to fall into a bigger and deadlier trap. But there wasn't a single night I didn't think of ever. Hurting or not, I never stopped loving her. 

 

In some disturbed, twisted and sick way, I understood Miranda and all the things she did. Nobody could ever compete with Gwen. Some part of her already knew that, in my heart, she would always come second, even for the brief period of time we were happy together. When she realize that she would never change that, no matter what, she used the “ scorched land” strategy, destroying everything in her path 

 

She lowered her eyes to the floor, not knowing what to say next. Suddenly, she realized I was on my “normal” outfit today and found it funny, apparently. 

 

“I thought you had changed. You know, when I saw you yesterday you didn't have cowboy boots on.” She pointed out. 

 

I followed her gaze to my feet. “Yeah, I don't use them as much as I want to now, with the label and everything… But I still like them.” 

 

“How's business?” 

 

“So far, so good. We have a lot of young, talented country artists back in Nashville. But here in LA we are going to focus more on Pop and Rock.”

 

“Mr. Businessman… I never thought I'd see the day…” she thought out loud, with a smirk on her face. 

 

“Being on the spotlight became too much.” Being  _ without her _ became too much. But I didn't say that out loud. “Do you think that maybe… you and I… that we could… have lunch sometime? To talk about Aurora… and us.”

 

“Uhm, yeah, we could talk about her.” She left out the  _ us  _ part, I don't know if on purpose or not. “Tomorrow, maybe? I have to get back to Seattle for a couple days after that, bring the kids home to finish their school year.”

 

“You're living in Seattle now?”

 

“Yeah.”  _ Bam!  _ Another closed door I wasn’t allowed to peek in. 

 

“Okay, we can do it tomorrow. Do you know any good restaurants?” I tried to break the tension with a joke, and it worked, because she laughed shyly.

 

“I happen to own one, actually, but I rather not do it here… maybe somewhere else?”

 

“Wherever you want it it’s fine by me. I have a more private place in mind.. I could come and pick you up.”

 

“Okay… At noon?” 

 

“It’s settled. I’ll see you tomorrow, then.” She was straight up kicking me out, but I had one more thing to ask. 

 

“Gwen, I was wondering if.. I could see her again. I promise I won’t say anything.”

 

She looked surprised with my request, but gave in and when to the back door to call Aurora. Both of them came out, with the little one holding her mother’s hand tight, a little frighten by the unknown man - me - in front of her. Aurora looked like a true princess today, with a yellow dress with a tulle skirt. Her blond hair falling with a lot of curls by the sides of her face.

 

Yeah, there was no question about that: Aurora is my daughter. Her baby blue eyes looked exactly like mine. I crouched on the floor to face her at the same height and smiled, flashing my dimples. 

 

“Hi, baby girl. What is your name?” 

 

“Hi…. I’m Aurora, like the princess. What’s yours?” Still a little shy, she answered me, with a curious look at my cheek. 

 

“That’s such a pretty name! Which princess? I’m Blake, by the way.”

 

“Sleeping beauty.”

 

“Well, you certainly are more beautiful than her, that’s for sure.”

 

“You have dimples on your cheeks…” She let go of Gwen’s hand, not afraid anymore, and closed the distance between us. She touched my cheeks and I closed my eyes, feeling a rush of emotions I couldn’t quite place. ”I’ve never seen someone with them before…. My mom and  brothers don’t have them. But I do, look.” She smiled at me, flashing hers, and I couldn’t hold the tears anymore. 

 

She looked at me, worried by my reaction, but didn’t step away. Instead, she fondled my cheek again with her little hands. “Why are you crying?” 

 

I closed my eyes again and swallowed my tears, taking a deep breath before answering her. “I’m sorry, it’s just… your dimples are beautiful, sweetheart.”

 

“It’s okay,” she said, sounding like a grown up. She studied me and saw the boots, widening her eyes. “Are you the cowboy that Apollo was talking about?”

 

“Yes, I am.” I confirmed, wiping away the tears.

 

“Cool!” Aurora replied, excited. “Do you have horses and stuff?”

 

“I do, in fact....” I stood up to reach the present bag. “I brought you something.”

 

“YAY!” She shouted, making a pretty little dance and clapping her hands. I laughed and handed her the bag. When she opened it and saw the content, she screamed again. “I LOVED IT! Mommy, look! It’s a pony!” She said, pulling the stuffed animal out of the bag and showing it to her mother.

 

“Yes, dear! The cutest pony I’ve ever seen!” Gwen answered and Aurora hugged her pony tight. “What do we say when we receive a gift from someone?” 

 

“Thank you!” She came to me and threw her tiny arms around my stomach, surprising me. I gasped in reaction and looked over to Gwen searching for some clue on what to do now. She simply shrugged her shoulders as in  _ you have to figure it out yourself.  _

 


	3. I can't let memories become the death of me

“Gwen, you’re gonna dig a hole in my kitchen if you keep walking back and forth.” Luke’s’ voice stopped me dead on my tracks, calling me back to reality. “What’s going on?”

 

“I’m having lunch with Blake today… To talk about Aurora.” He also wanted to talk about _us_ , and honestly that’s the scariest part. I didn’t want to acknowledge that out loud, mainly because Luke hated his guts.

 

“He is bad news, Gwen. You should know better than that.” He returned to the onions he was chopping. The kitchen was already alive with pans on the stove and staff running around getting everything done in time. “You’re gonna end up with your heart crushed again.”

 

“Geez, thanks for the faith in me.” He scoffed, giving me a angry look. “He is bad news for _me,_ but he also is Aurora’s father. I thought he was going to be furious at me when he found out.”

 

“I have the most complete faith in you, on every other subject in the world… except when it comes to Blake. You never think with your head when he is involved. Every time someone mentioned or asked you about him, you simply shut down and stop function.” Luke slided the chopped onions on a bowl and reached for tomatoes to slice too. “And the only reason he wasn’t mad at you for keeping her away from him is because he knows it’s his fault.”

 

“I told him I was dating. How about that?” I fired back, feeling bold.

 

“You did? That makes me proud, then. With who?”

 

“Well… You.” He stared at me with indecipherable eyes and then got back to his task without saying a word. “I’m sorry, I should have asked you first, but he questioned me cold turkey and I…”

 

“Asked me to let you say that or ask my to date me?” Although he was joking, something about his smile was off.

 

“To use your name, of course. I would never put our friendship...”

 

“Don’t worry, Gwen. It has been six years, I know when to retreat.”

 

Luke and I met when I hired him to work at my first restaurant, back in Seattle. He was funny and always trying to make me laugh, so eventually, we became friends. When I announced I would be opening a new one in California, he offered himself to come and run the kitchen. Deep down, I knew that Luke had feelings for me. But admitting that would only bring pain to everyone involved. He was a father figure to my kids and a shoulder to cry on when things got tough. He never confessed anything, and I suspect that it was for the same reasons.

 

“Do you want me to come clean with him?” I asked, genuinely worried that I may have hurt him.

 

“No, not at all. Maybe that will put brakes on him.” We waved his knife at me, dismissing the subject. “How did the talk with Aurora go?”

 

I grunted, remembering how it went. Last night, we finished dinner and I tuck her in for bedtime on my brother’s house, before going back to the restaurant. She never let go of the pony, not even to eat. When she took a shower, she placed him on top of the counter and spent the entire time “talking” to the toy, telling it how her day was. It was the sweetest thing, but that stuffed animal kept reminding me that I needed to tell her the truth about Blake.

 

It didn’t help at all that his gift for me was a copy of one of my favorite books, _To Kill a Mockingbird._ It made my heart skip a beat when I realized that he still remembered that, but I already had a copy of it, in fact, I had a first edition, the first rare and expensive thing I bought when business started going up. He didn’t know that because he kicked me out of his life, and buying this book now only was a confirmation that we grew apart and there was no place for him in my life as a partner, only as Aurora’s father. Just like Gavin.

 

How would I do this? I didn’t have any experience on how to tell your kid how their father was. Gavin, although flawed as a husband, was exceptional at his job, always present and involved in all his kids lives. Ironic, right? The man that didn’t love me was an example as a dad and the man that loved me (at least I thought he did, at some point) didn’t even know he had a daughter until this week.

 

I told everyone on my family that night too. They were worried for me, but they were fair enough to admit that it was Blake’s right to be on her life. They had tried convincing me to come clean with Blake, but always respected my wish when I told them no.

 

“Mommy, I love my new friend, he’s so fluffy!” Aurora squeezed her toy, already laid down on her bed. “I love horsies, doggies, turtles, fishy… All kinds of animals.”

 

“Even bugs and spiders?” I asked, teasing her. She hid her face behind her pony, pretending to be scared.

 

“No, not spiders! I don’t like those.” We laughed and I stroke her blond curly hair. “Will you read me a story?”

 

“Yes baby, but first, I have something to say to you.” She nodded, going on her “adult” mode, when she pretended she was much older than she was. She looked at me with expectant eyes, waiting for what I had to say. “You know how sometimes the boys go away for a few days, and I tell you they went to see their dad? You always ask me why you can’t go along, and I tell you it’s because their dad is not you dad, right?” She agreed. “Well, you know that man that gave you the pony, the cowboy? He’s your daddy, and he wants to know you.”

 

She widened her eyes, sitting straight on her bad. “My dad is a real life cowboy? That means I can ride horsies with him?”

 

“Someday, yes.”

 

“YES!” She shouted, throwing her fist in the air and making an adorable little dance. Then, she stopped. ‘But mommy, why he didn’t want to see me before, like when I was a baby? All the boys have pictures with their dad, I don’t… My daddy didn’t like me?”

 

That broke my heart. It was my fault that she didn’t have that, and I thought it didn’t make a difference, since she was too little to remember. But, apparently, it did.

 

I sat by her side on her bad, hugging her with one arm and pulling her closer. I kissed my baby’s curls and breathed her scent to calm me down before answering.

 

“No, baby, that’s not it. When you’re older, you’ll understand. Your daddy and I had a fight right after I found out you were in my belly, and I didn’t tell him about you. I was hurt so I kept you far away from him. I realize now that it was the wrong thing to do, that’s why he wants to be a part of your life.”

 

“Is he a bad man, mommy?”

 

“No, darling. He is a great man.”

 

“But he hurt you.”

 

“Yes, but it was a long time ago. He didn’t know any better.”

 

“Can I like him then?”

 

I laughed. “Of course, baby!”

 

“Okay, because I really want to tell all my friends at school that my dad is a cowboy.” She snuggled back in my chest, hugging my waist. “Did you love him, mommy?”

 

“I did, very much.” And I was mature enough to admit that part of me will always love him, even despite all the pain and hurt he made me go through.

 

“Apollo loves him too. He went on and on about the ranch he used to visit when he was a baby. My daddy still has that?” She looked up to me, curious.

 

“I don’t know, sweetie. You can ask him that tomorrow.”

 

“I will see my daddy tomorrow?” She jolted up, suddenly excited. Right before bed, at all times. W _ay to go, Gwen._

 

“If you want to and if he has the time, yes. I’ll ask him.”

 

“Do we really have to go back to Seattle tomorrow?” She pouted. “I want to stay.”

 

“We do, honey. But school is almost over, then Z and King are going on their trip, Apollo is going to spend the summer with his dad and you and I can come back here.” Zuma and Kingston were set to backpack all around Europe and my poor mom heart was already in pieces with worry. But they have been working so hard and saving money on their own to do this, so I didn’t have much of a choice. They deserved it. “But only if you behave while mommy is gone next week.” Once a month, I’d travel to all my restaurants to see if everything was going smoothly. They were all well administrated by my managers, but I did this to keep an eye on the staff and the service, myself. Running a business is kind of like tuning a musical instrument, it required a lot of practice and small adjustments every now and then to keep the music flowing on key. On those days, my mother would come and take care of them, sometimes Jen.

 

“Yes, mommy, I’ll be the best daughter you ever had.” She flashed me a big smile.

 

“You can start now by closing your eyes while I read you a story.”

 

Luke snapped his fingers in front of me, pulling me out of the haze. I blinked and looked at him.

 

“Yeah, sorry. She is crazy excited, as you can imagine. She can’t get it out of her head that her dad is a cowboy, way cooler than the boys’ dad.”

 

He nodded. “What time is your lunch with him?”

 

“At noon.”

 

“You still have some time. Do you want to bake something? There are ingredients for your _special cake_ in the back.”

 

I jumped with joy and hugged him, already feeling calmer. Baking always had that effect on me, that’s why I quitted music when things became unbearable and focused my life on restaurants. Luke knew that my apple and cinnamon cake was a exclusive recipe that only we both knew, so that’s why he said with such secrecy.

 

“Oh, you know me too well, boy. Thanks!” And then I ran to find the things I needed.

 

Two hours later, I was feeling much happier and completely at ease with the thought of going out to lunch with Blake. That’s the power of apple and cinnamon on a fluffy creamy batter. Or at least I thought so, because the second one of the waitresses popped in the kitchen to say that he was waiting outside, my heart went back to racing at full speed.

 

I checked myself on the glassed door to see if I didn’t have any flour on my dress - not without a disapproving look from Luke - and got out of the kitchen, meeting him on the hall. It didn’t help that he was looking handsome as always, his gray button-down shirt only bringing out the blue of his eyes.

 

“Hello, Blake. Just let me get my purse and we can head out.” Our greeting was awkward and cold, both of us not knowing what to do. After all, how do you say hi to someone that used to be your everything and now it’s a complete stranger?

 

“Is that cinnamon I smell on you?” He asked, curious.

 

“Maybe.” _Busted_. But I wasn’t gonna let him know that.

 

“Were you baking? Are you that nervous about going out with me?” _Damn,_ I wish I wasn’t that transparent. Everybody knew that the kitchen was my therapy, apparently. But I put on a closed face and dodged that bullet.

 

“Don’t flatter yourself, my Apple & Cinnamon Cake is a house specialty in all my restaurants and I was just helping out Luke before leaving.” The second Luke’s name flew out of my lips, Blake’s smile faded.

 

“Oh yes, your _boyfriend._ He can’t handle baking a simple cake? _”_

 

“If you remember this cake, you remember that is a secret recipe.” I fired back.

 

“So you don’t trust him with the recipe.”

 

“He knows it. Something that you never did.”

 

There. My words put him in his place. The sweet, innocent and submissive Gwen he once knew died when he told me to get out of his house and never show up again. He saw that we started off on the wrong foot and straightened his back, changing his posture and apologizing.

 

“I’m sorry. You’re right, that’s not of my business. You’re not mine to take care anymore.”

 

“No, I’m not. Now, can we please go?”

 

He gestured me to go forward and followed me outside, but before we entered his car, he put a hand on my shoulder to stop me. That skin-to-skin contact made me miss things I didn’t think I even remembered. Things I didn’t wanna miss. I turned around to face him with widened eyes stepping back so that touch didn’t happen again.

 

“Gwen, before we… I just wanted to say I’m sorry for what just happened. I want you to forgive me, or at least bare to be at the same space as me, and that’s not the way to do it. I already have a shit ton to apologize and I don’t need more stuff in that pile.”

 

“I appreciate that.” _Don’t give in now, Gwen._ Stand your ground.

 

We arrived at this cute little restaurant on a more quiet side of town. There were only a few people having lunch there and our waitress was a lovely old lady that greeted Blake like a son.

 

“Blake, my baby! I’ve missed you! Nash took you away from me for too long!” She said, kissing both of his cheeks. Of course, in order to do that, Blake had to bend over almost in half, but he didn’t seem to mind. In fact, he was smiling from ear to ear.

 

“Well, I’m back now, Auntie J! I’m starting new business here in LA so I’m gonna be here a lot more now.”

 

“Oh, that’s wonderful!” She replied, clapping her hands. Suddenly, she noticed me. “And who is your lovely friend?”

 

“Hi, nice to meet you, I’m Gwen.” I said, moving forward to greet her with a kiss too.

 

“And I’m Josephine, but everyone calls me Auntie J. Please, honey, make yourself comfortable. C’mon, let’s get you two a seat.” We walked behind her a couple steps until we reached a secluded table.

 

“J, I brought her here because I need a favor from you.” We both looked at him, intrigued. “I need you to make me look good because I’ve been a jackass to her and I need her to forgive me.” Blake displayed his best boyish smile and I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.

 

Josephine laughed out loud and I stared at him, furious. _How dare he_? “That’s right, honey, give him hell!” She nudged at my shoulder and Blake’s face dropped, pretending to feel betrayed. “Whatever it is, make him suffer and beg, these men nowadays are too soft.” I crossed my arms in front of my chest, defiant, while he looked both astonished and embarrassed.

 

“That’s great, thanks a lot, J. She doesn’t need incentive on that matter.”

 

“I’m just kidding, Blake. You know, Gwen, that Blake was the one that built me this restaurant after my dear Charles was laid to rest?” I nodded my head no, going from one face to another in search of more information. “I love this young man like I love my children and I will always be thankful to him.” She stated, softly rearranging Blake’s curls. “Alright, I’ll give you to a minute to decide what you’re going to eat.”

 

The second she turned her back at us, I kicked Blake’s shin. He gasped with the pain and looked at me. “Ouch! What was that for?”

 

“You are using a nice old lady to melt my heart? Do you think that’s gonna make everything right again? Are you _insane_?”

 

“It couldn’t hurt! I’ll use everything in my power, and if I have to resort to a nice old lady, I will!”

 

“You’re unbelievable, Blake Shelton.” I snorted, fed up. “Where are you trying to get with all of this?”

 

“There’s no shortcut for it: I still love you.” I gasped with surprise. I wasn’t expecting it. “I loved you every single day since we first met and I will keep loving you until the day I die. Even when… even before, even when I was married… I kept loving you. Part of me knew that all along. Miranda certainly knew that.” Before I could fish my jaw from the floor and answer him, he put his hand up, asking me to let him finish. “I know what you’re going to say. I know that the last thing on your mind right now probably is getting back with me, and I get that. I’m sure that I don’t even deserve to be forgiven. I’m aware that you also have someone in your life. I’m not asking you anything. I just.... All I need is that you don’t shut me out.”

 

I wanted to believe him. I really did, because, let’s face it, I loved him too, otherwise it wouldn’t still hurt so much. There was a time, when I was chained to a bed praying everyday that God didn’t take my baby from me too soon, that I wanted so desperately hear those words from him. I dreamed that one day he would throw himself on the floor and beg my pardon.

 

That needy and naive Gwen would take him back in a heartbeat, together they would raise Aurora, and forever she would beat herself up because she was weak enough to accept whatever crappy excuse he offered. God only knows how my life would have been.

 

But, like I said earlier, I was a different Gwen.

 

“I’m not here to talk about the past, Blake. What’s done is done. You can’t possibly expect me to believe that you are just now realizing that I was innocent…. You know what? That doesn’t even matter. If you love me as much as you’re saying, you should have seen right away that it was all bullshit.”

 

“So I don’t even get a chance to explain myself?”

 

“I didn’t have that, did I?”

 

He lifted his hands again, this time in defeat. “Fine. Looks like I can’t get enough of being dragged across the floor.”

 

We ordered our food and stayed on _safe_. He asked me all about Aurora, what was she like when she was a baby, what kind of food she liked, how was she in school...

 

“I actually brought you something.” I reached inside my purse, pulling a photo album. “Some pictures of her as a baby.”

 

“You did? Thank you, oh my God.”

 

And, for the second time in two days, I watched this grown man tear up about her. He would occasionally point something or the other and say that he used to do exactly that, or that he used to sleep like this.. I laughed and cried along with him. Two fools that let the world get in between them.

 

The last page had a folder that I forgot about. He detached that from the album and looked at me, curious.

 

“What’s this?”

 

“Uhm… I don’t know, some old photos of me, I think.”

 

“Can I open it?”

 

“Yeah, go ahead.”

 

It was some pictures I took on my last week of pregnancy, some maternity photo shoot that Jen convinced me to do. I was a complete wreck, but with some touch ups, I kinda looked pretty. All of them were sitting because I couldn’t stand up - doctor’s orders, but the photographer took me to this beautiful sunflower field and the pics ended up amazing. I framed a couple of them at my house, but had forgotten about the rest.

 

“Wow, Gwen, you look….” He went from one pic to another, unable to form the words. “This is… You are super thin on these pics. They are amazing, but….”

 

“Yeah," I said, readjusting myself on the chair. "Aurora’s pregnancy wasn’t easy.”

 

“What happened?”

 

“My body couldn’t hold her weight, it was like my womb was unable to stay closed, so every time I stood up, it was a mini-labor. On top of that, I had pre eclampsia just two days after these pics were taken. My blood pressure was through the roof and when they did the c-section to get her out at 32 weeks, they spent half an hour trying to control the bleeding.”

 

He sank his head on his hands, covering his face in shame when he heard that, feeling powerless and remorseful, saying over and over “Oh my God, Oh My God, Oh My God…” Luckily, there were only two more occupied tables, so nobody was paying attention to us. I didn't mean to make him miserable by hearing that, but a tiny petty part of me was glad that he was.

 

“Blake, it’s okay, we both turned out fine.”

 

“No, Gwen, it’s not okay! How can I ask you to forgive me?" He stared at me, with desperate eyes. "I’m a monster. I let you alone in this. You almost died and I was over here living my happy little perfect life and I had…. I had absolutely no idea…”

 

“A lot has gone by. You are being honest with me, so I’m gonna be honest with you: I don’t know if I can get past what happened. It’s a lot to process and I never expect you to show up the way you did. But that doesn’t change the fact that you are Aurora’s father and you have every right to be with her. You stay on your lane, I stay on mine. I co-parent with _Gavin_ , of all people, and I never had any problems. I don’t see why I would have some with you.”

 

“That’s already more than I can ask for, thank you.”

 

“In fact, she is dying to hang out with you. I told her last night about who you really were.”

 

“Really?” He leaned forward, in awe. “What did she say?”

 

“She asked if you were a real life cowboy and then if she could ride horses on your ranch. You still have that, by the way?”

 

“She is a daddy’s girl already.” He replied, running his fingers through his curls and grinning like a boy on Christmas. “Yeah, I still have that.”

 

“She also wants to see you today, before we head back to Seattle, if you have the time.”

 

He looked at me, perplexed. “You kidding me? I would leave the President hanging.”

 

“Maybe you can pick her up for some ice cream when you drop me.”

 

“Yes, absolutely.”

 

“I’ll call Jen and ask her to get Aurora ready.”

 

We exited the restaurant, saying our goodbyes to Auntie J, and got to Todd and Jen’s house. For the entire drive, Blake did not stop smiling. It was kinda cute how excited he got.

 

The minute I unlocked the door, Aurora jumped out the couch, launching herself to Blake’s arms, screaming “Daddy!”. Usually, she was shy and wary with strangers, but I think she was so happy about having a father around that she felt she was closer to him already. Blake crouched in front of her and picked her up, lifting her in his arms.

 

Probably neither of them were going to sleep at night with happiness.

 

She crossed her arms behind his neck, hanging on to him. Blake kept staring at her, like he was seeing in color for the first time, and the only thing that was capable to pull him out of the spell was her laugh.

 

“Daddy, you’re looking funny at me.” She said between giggles.

 

He blinked and smiled too. “Am I? I’m sorry, sweetheart. Are you ready for some ice cream?”

 

“Yesss!!” She shouted, throwing her hands in the air.

 

“Okay then.” He turned at me. “Gwen, when do you want me to take her back?”

 

“Our flight leaves at 7 o’clock, so please bring her back by 5. ”

 

“You got it. Let’s go, baby girl?”

 

“Yeeeeehaaaaaw!” _Where the hell did she learned that from?_ Everyone in the room laughed and looked at her, expecting some answers. “Apollo teach me that this morning. He said you used to scream that when you were on your farm.” She let out, suddenly shy with all the attention.

 

She waved me goodbye as if I was a non-important person and off she went on her father’s arms, already blowing up his ear with all kinds of stories.

 

I knew that this time would come eventually, but I certainly wasn’t ready to give away my beating heart on Blake’s hands again, this time on a form of a 7-year-old little girl with eyes just like his.

 

Jen approached me from the back, putting her hands on my shoulders. "Are you okay, honey? It must be hard having him on your life again."

 

I turned my head to the side, covering her hands with mine. "Yeah, It's definitely a struggle."

 

"Is everything ready at the restaurant for you to go back home?"

 

"Luke is a pro, he can handle everything. I just have somewhere I need to be before leaving the city."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm gonna start unveiling what really happened almost eight years ago on the next chapters, so be ready! 
> 
> And prepare yourselves for A LOT of Blake-Aurora cuteness!


	4. How long do you want to be loved? Is forever enough?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I've been getting so many wonderful responses about this fic, that makes me so happy! All your suggestions are welcome!
> 
> I hope you guys love this overload of Aurora and Blake cuteness!

“... and then she took my Barbie out of my hands and said that it was  _ hers _ , daddy! I was so mad, ughhh…” Aurora closed her fists, annoyed at her friend while telling the story. I know she was probably trying to look angry, but she was the most non-threatening person on the planet. 

 

Will I ever get used to this adorable little angel being my daughter? God, I hope not. Right now she is telling me about some  _ horrible  _ fight with her best friend in school about a toy and I don’t think I have loved another human being so much as I love her. 

 

Aurora may look like me on the outside, but she is completely, 100% Gwen Stefani on the inside. The way she flicks her hair or twists her little hands when talking are her mother’s trademarks and she inherited them all. We are sitting on a table just outside an ice cream shop, getting to know each other. She alternates between filling me in on all her middle school adventures and scooping her dessert (strawberry and mint chocolate ice cream on a waffle cone) and I’m absolutely hypnotized by this little girl I helped conceive.

 

I wish I was there to see her grow.

 

I must look like a fool at this moment, holding my chin while my elbows are leaning on the table. Who knew that life as a 7 year old could be so exciting? Certainly not me, but now I was utterly drawn into what she was telling me. 

 

“Do I have more brothers and sisters, daddy?”

 

“No, sweetie, you’re my only kid.” She tilted her head, apparently sad about that.

 

“Why is that?”

 

“I was married to a lady that didn’t want babies.”

 

“Who doesn’t want babies? Is she crazy?” She was shocked. In her world, everybody loves kids, but not in mine. Miranda even tried to fake it, but it was so painfully obvious that she hated children I eventually dropped the subject. 

 

“A little, yes.” She laughed as she thought I was joking. I wasn’t, but she was too pure to know that. 

 

“And where is your wife now?”

 

“We broke up.”

 

“Oh…” She got back to her ice cream, thinking about what I just said. I wanted so bad to know what was going on inside that mind of hers. What do 7 year olds think about love and marriage? Does she understand the concept? It’s been awhile since I hang out with kids. My sister has children but I live far away from them and don’t get to spend much time with my nephews. Both Adam and Carson had children but I never got to talk to them as much. The last time I got to do that was…. Well, with Gwen’s sons. 

 

“What about your mother’s boyfriend, do you like him?” 

 

She snapped her head at me, confused. “Mommy has a boyfriend?”

 

“Isn’t she dating Luke, the man that cooks at her restaurant?”

 

“Uncle Luke? Nooo, uncle Luke is not her boyfriend, daddy!” She giggled, probably thinking I was crazy. “He’s her friend and he lets us bake cookies when she is not looking.”

 

I was feeling kinda bad for using my daughter to get information about her mom’s dating life, but the second she told me that Luke wasn’t Gwen’s boyfriend, it was worth it. 

 

“Do you know the difference between a boyfriend and a friend, sweetie?”

 

“Of course I know, daddy! I’m not a baby.” The way she said it, so grown up and mature, rolling her eyes and waving her hair at me, made me laugh out loud.  _ Oh, she was going to give me such a hard time… _ “Boyfriends kiss, hold hands, say  _ I love you… _ Uncle Luke never did that to mommy.” 

 

“Did he ever.... Had a sleepover at your house?”

 

“No, daddy… Only auntie Jen, uncle Todd, grandma and grandpa. Our nanny sometimes do that too.”

 

So, that means Gwen lied. She wasn’t totally immune to me, apparently. Why else would she lie? She must still have feelings for me, otherwise she wouldn’t put walls between us, right? That thought put a smile in my face. Or….

 

“Did you say that only your family had sleepovers on your house?”

 

“Uhum…” She answered, not bothering turning her head away from the ice cream. 

 

“So your mom never had a boyfriend?”

 

“No, daddy.” Aurora shook her head no, her curls flying up around her.

 

No boyfriend in over seven years. This was bad, this was  _ very bad.  _

 

No man that has ever stood in the same room as Gwen Stefani and was able to resist her, unless all males in Seattle were either gay or stupid. But I really doubt that was the case. The most logical answer was that she was still hurting over what happened between us and didn’t trust anyone else to open herself up again. 

 

The more I learn, the more I want to jump off a cliff. 

 

I ran my fingers through my hair, exasperated with myself. Aurora noticed and got scared.

 

“Are you mad at me, daddy?”

 

“No, sweetie, never! C’mhere.” I pulled her closed to me, kissing her soft curls. She climbed my lap and started playing with the button of my shirt. “I was just thinking about how I was a bad man to your mom.”

 

“She said you weren’t.”

 

“Really? She said that?”

 

“Yeah. She said you didn’t know better, that’s why you hurt her.”

 

“Do think she’ll ever forgive me?” She shrugged her shoulders but didn’t answer, looking down. I laughed at her charming and innocent move and her eyes peeked up again. Her left hand found my cheeks, fondling my dimples. It was a little sticky with ice cream, but I didn’t mind. We stayed a couple minutes like this, in silence, while she finished her dessert. I got the chance to study her features, those little details that made her who she is. A tiny scar just above her eyebrow, a pint right beside her right ear…

 

“What do you do for work, daddy?” She pulled me out of my haze.

 

“I own a music label company.”

 

“What’s that?”

 

“I help singers make their music and their albums.”

 

“Were you a singer before, like mommy was?”

 

“Yes.” But has been so long since I last touched a guitar to sing something that I’m not really I know the notes anymore. It’s a shame that something once so big in my life was now a distant memory. Just like Gwen. Life without both was greyish and boring. “Your mom doesn’t sing anymore?”

 

“Sometimes… She used to sing me to sleep, but now she just read me stories. I miss it.”

 

“Did she tell you why she stopped singing to you?” She denied with her head. “I tell you what, for you, I’ll can go back to sing. So I’m gonna ask you mom to let me sing you to sleep every night over the phone, how’s that sound?”

 

“Are you serious, daddy? I’m gonna love it!”

 

“It’s settled, then. Don’t let me forget to ask her when we go back, okay?”.

 

Suddenly, my phone buzzed with a text from Adam. 

 

_ Hey, moron. Wanna come over _ ?  _ B is @ work n Im just chillin w Dusty. -A _

 

Adam had a 9 year old girl named Dusty Rose. Maybe she and Aurora could be friends, and he could help me with some tips on how to do this. 

 

“Hey, baby girl. Would you like to know some of daddy’s friends?”

 

“Yessss!” She jumped out of my lap. 

 

We arrived at Adam’s house and as soon as he opened the door, his mouth dropped. He was about to say something probably not too polite at me when his eyes met Aurora on my lap, playing with my ear - a trait that Apollo used to have too. He quickly recovered as she smiled shyly at him.

 

“Oh my God, who is this stunning little princess that Blake’s brought to my house?” He asked, amazed, with a childish voice, playing with Aurora. She laughed and rid her face in my neck. I couldn’t help but laugh too. 

 

“Baby, this is Adam, my friend. Adam, this is Aurora, my daughter.”

 

“Hi..” Aurora said, peeking-a-boo behind the curtain of her hair.

 

“Hi, sweetheart! I also have a daughter, about your age. Her name is Dusty. Do you want to meet her?”

 

Aurora suddenly turned to him, interested in his offer. She nodded her head yes and I put her on the ground to follow Adam. As predicted, both girls immediately loved each other and went to play with dolls in the backyard, so I had some privacy to talk to Adam about the rollercoaster of emotions that has been this day.

 

We went to the kitchen, where we could keep an eye on the girls, and sat at a stool by the counter. It was a lovely day, sunny and and a little windy and the girls were having a blast, running around and laughing. We still had an hour before heading back to Todd’s house. 

 

“You were right. She is you with blond curly hair.” Adam started.

 

“I’m so in love with her, Adam… I’ve always wanted to be a father but I didn’t expect to love someone this much.” I blunted out, being honest. He laughed and put a hand on my shoulder, sympathetic.

 

“Welcome to the  _ fathers of girls’ club,  _ man.” 

 

“Is it always like this?”

 

“Pretty much. Dusty is 9 and I still peek a sneak inside her room from time to time, just to see if she is sleeping okay. You never stop worrying.”

 

“I hate the fact that I wasn’t around to see her as a baby. Makes me feel like I ran away from my responsibilities.” 

 

“But can you honestly blame Gwen for that?”

 

“No, probably not.” I sighed, rubbing my hands on my face. “God, Adam… What am I gonna do? I want to be a full time dad, I want my family together, I want Gwen back… But I have so much to apologize for I don’t even know where to start.”

 

“It’s gonna be an uphill battle, that’s for sure.”

 

“Aurora sort of let out that Gwen hasn’t dated in all this time. At least not a serious boyfriend, to bring home and stuff.” Adam whistled, impressed. “And the worst part is, Gwen lied to me saying that she had a boyfriend. In other words, she is trying to keep me away. I told her I loved her and she didn’t come clean about it.”

 

“Wow.” He scratched his beard, astonished. “You said to Gwen that you still loved her?” 

 

“Yeah.” I lowered my head, staring at my feet.

 

“Don’t come at her too hard, man. You’re gonna scare her. The last she saw of you, you were kicking her out, saying horrible things. You need to show her you changed. Be present, do everything you can for Aurora, and, I don’t know… Let time do it’s thing… You can’t possibly expect a week to wipe out 8 years of heartbreak.”

 

“I guess you’re right…” I looked over the backyard, where the girls were playing. Aurora had her cheeks flushed from running and was laughing out loud, with her head back and her eyes closed. The sound of her laugh came all the way to the kitchen and put a smile on my face. That moment I realized it was worth the patience and the wait. Even if it took 50 years, I would have my family together under one roof.

  
  


Close to 5 o’clock, I carried a sleepy Aurora on my arms all the way to Todd’s house. Gwen opened the door, letting a relieved sigh when she saw us. 

 

“Someone is out for the day.” I said, adjusting Aurora in my lap. “I brought her to Adam’s house and she played all her batteries out with Dusty.

 

“I’m sure she must have loved it, she doesn’t get to play much with girls.” 

 

“She really did. And we had some ice cream before, I hope it’s ok.” She nodded. “Do you want me to put her on the couch?”

 

“Yes, please. She is getting a little heavy for me.” 

 

Aurora fussed a little when I placed her on the couch, turning to the other side. When I stepped back, she noticed my warmth was gone and suddenly woke up, scared.

 

“Daddy! Are you going already?”

 

I crouched close to her, nestling her hair. “Don’t worry baby girl, I’m gonna talk to you every day, remember?”

 

“Don’t forget to get mommy’s phone.”

 

“I won’t. Now go to sleep, soon you’re going home and in a blink of an eye you’ll be back.”

 

“Promise?” 

 

“Yes. It will go by so fast you won’t even see it.”

 

“Okay. Bye, daddy.” She came in and hugged me tight, crossing her arms around my neck. I hugged her the same way, wishing I never had to let her go. Before I cried again, I slowly undid the embrace, placing one last kiss on her forehead. 

 

She laid down again and I got up, moving away. I looked over to Gwen and she was watching the scene with watery eyes.

 

“Can you… I promised her I would call her everyday… Do you mind if I use your phone?”

 

She recomposed herself and reached her bag at the hall, taking out a business card. “Yeah, of course. I completely forgot to give you that before, sorry.” She said, handing me her number. 

 

“I’ll send you a text with my number shortly, then we can talk about how we are going to do this.”

 

“Yeah.” I had my food on the door when she looked over her shoulder and noticed we were alone, as Aurora was out cold on the couch. Gwen cleared out her throat, getting my attention, so I turned around to face her. “I…. I went to see Carson. I called his old number and it was the same still.”

 

“You did? Good, good.” I wasn’t sure why she was bringing the subject to me. 

 

“We talked a lot... About everything. About the past.” She wasn’t looking at me, rather looking at the floor, apparently nervous. “He helped me understand a couple things.”

 

“Oh…I’m glad..?” It started as an affirmative, but mid-sentence I turned into an interrogative. It was good that she understood whatever it is that she did? It would help my case?

 

“Yeah, it helped filling some gaps.” 

 

“Oh, I see.”

 

“You know… Now I can at least bare to be at the same place as you.” She only looked up on the last part of the sentence and our eyes met. She said that recalling what I had asked her on our lunch together. It was a small step, but a step nonetheless. I nodded, acknowledging what her meant.

 

“How long before you guys can come back? You know, for summer break?”

 

“Her classes end in three weeks, but Zuma and Kingston are going on a trip the following week so I have to wait for them to leave. Then I’ll bring Apollo to spend the summer with Gavin and we can plan something for you and Aurora too.”

 

_ One month _ . One month before I get to see my baby girl again. 

 

“Would it be… Would it be ok with you if I go to Seattle and visit her? It’s just.. I just got her and now I have to wait a whole month…” She laughed a little at my request, probably because I must look like a little boy in love for the first time, not wanting to be apart from them one minute. 

 

“Yeah, absolutely. We can talk more on the phone when you call her.”

 

“Ok.” I was about to go outside when I decided to be a little bolder. I lowered my voice, just to make sure nobody else would hear, and stared straight into her eyes. “Can I.... hug you goodbye?” 

 

“Don’t push your luck.” She said, kinda angry, although I could swear that I saw a hint of a smile on her face. But I didn’t insist. Instead, I just nodded and waved a goodbye. 

 

As soon as I was inside it, I called Carson. I needed to know what he said to her. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter we'll take back a little and see how the talk between Gwen and Carson went. Stay tuned!


	5. Saw the pain in your eyes and I knew everything had changed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi, guys! So this chapter happened simultaneously with Blake's last chapter. It means that, while Blake was with Aurora, Gwen was with Carson. I hope the timeline is easy to follow.

“Do you mind if I come in?” I knocked on the frame of the open door to Carson’s room. He had his hospital gown on and had a needle attached on his right arm, connected to some IV fluid. When he heard my voice, he turned his head at me and opened a big smile.

 

“G! It’s so good to see you!”

 

I reached him, mirroring his grin, and gave him a tight hug. His wife, Siri, was in the room too, and I greeted her with the same affection.

 

“It’s good to see you both too. I’m sorry I ghosted out on you. When I found out I just..”

 

“It’s okay, honey. I’m glad that you’re here now.” Carson reassured me. I pulled a chair closer to his bed and sat down.

 

“I’m gonna go down to the cafeteria to get some coffee and let you guys catch up. I’ll be right back.” Siri announced and exited the room, leaving us alone.

 

“So, how bad is it?” I asked, wanting to know about his condition.

 

“C’mon, you know me. It’s not something the size of a pea that is going to knock me down.” He answered, shrugging it off like he always does. I squeezed my eyes, not believing him completely, because he had a habit of underestimate his issues, but I didn’t say anything.

 

“I’m so sorry to have found out like this. I felt so guilty for not staying in touch.”

 

“Gwen, seriously, don’t worry. I know your life wasn’t easy these past years.”

 

“No, it certainly was not.” I sighed, reclining back on the chair.

 

“I’m more worried about you and Blake, to be honest. I don’t even care about this stupid tumor anymore.”

 

I laughed, reaching for his hands with mine. “Oh, Carson…”

 

“Did you really had his child?” I nodded my head yes. “You never told anyone…”

 

“It was incredibly selfish, I know. And I almost came back looking for him a bunch of times, but he was still with _her...._ He would never believe me. _”_

 

“Although it was kinda cruel of you to keep his only child in the shadows… I can’t blame you. You would not believe the things she did to keep him away from you.”

 

“Really?”

 

“Look, Blake is a grown man, capable of making his own decisions. I’m not saying it’s not his fault, but you remember how she was when you two were together.”

 

Miranda and Blake were best friends since their beginning in Nashville. Two young country stars raising to the top, it was natural that they grew close. They leaned on each other when times got rough, but Blake always stated that she was a friend and nothing more. However, she had a huge influence on him. He needed her approval on pretty much every move he made and that was a dangerous thing.

 

When he told her we were dating, she let out a big laugh, making fun of him, of _us_ , saying something along the lines of _she is so out of your league she won’t even remember your name next week._ That struck a chord with Blake’s insecurities. He already thought that we were too different and she knew how to play with his feelings. Whenever she could (and every time I was away) she made a snarky comment about that.

 

It got worse when I went on tour, towards the end of our relationship. We were having some problems of our own. Silly things, like forgetting to call each other or picking up the phone in the middle of a celebration or whatever, that made Blake feel left out.

 

I thought we had got past this when we last made love before the split. He got a break from his schedule and was able to meet me on the road. We talked, discussed a couple things and I ended up the night on his arms. It was the night we conceived Aurora, a beautiful summer night in Chicago. He left the next day and I was completely sure things were okay. But the next two times we were supposed to meet, he called last minute changing our plans. We had three horrible fights over the phone… My hormones were already kicking in, so my temper was short. But I didn’t know yet why I was so explosive.

 

The minute I finished my tour, I arrived in LA, left the kids with Gavin for the week and bought a pregnancy test. I simply could not believe my eyes when it showed the two stripes. I flew over to Blake’s house to tell him and.. Miranda opened the door.

 

I closed my eyes, trying to push away the memory of that night. “She was there that night.”

 

“Honey, she was the one that send the pictures to him. It was her plan all along. Probably she send the guy over to your room too.”

 

“What?”

 

Two weeks after Blake’s visit on tour, some guy knocked on my hotel room wearing only his underwear. He pretended he was drunk and tried to get inside, but I didn’t let him. He apologized and said he mixed the numbers on his head and left.

 

Somehow, pictures of that encounter ended up on Blake’s hands. It was such a brief moment I didn’t even remember to tell him when it happened, especially since we’ve been having some problems. Never in my wildest dreams I thought it was going to turn into the reason of our break up.

 

“She confessed to him about three years ago. They bought a new iPad and her old texts ended up synchronizing with the device. One of them was from the detective that took the pictures.”

 

One day Pharrell called me to say that Blake was crushed, that he found out I was innocent and that I had nothing to do with that man, but he didn’t tell me that Miranda was the one responsible for that. Not that I cared. I spent months waiting for him to show up and apologize, a speech that never came.

 

“I didn’t know that.” I confessed, skeptical. “But he stayed with her all this time. He never came looking for me.”

 

“He didn’t know where to look, G. You disappeared. Nobody knew where you were and the few that did wouldn’t tell him, because they knew you were hurting. Anyways, they took some time out, Blake nearly drowned himself in vodka… But two months later they got back together.”

 

“And stayed that way until now.”

 

“Gwen, I’m not trying to free Blake from the guilt.” Carson leaned in  and took my hands on his. “But he was in the same abusive relationship you were with Gavin. Miranda was a master on playing with his feelings. She even told him she was pregnant. That’s why they got back on. I don’t know if she really was or not, or if she faked it and then said she had a miscarriage....The fact is, you were nowhere to be found and Miranda was having a feast.”

 

“What changed then for them to get a divorce?”

 

“He didn’t say. The only thing he told us it that it was finally over and he was moving back to LA to open a new branch on his label.”

 

It was easier for me to keep blaming him. After all, nobody commanded him to kick me out of his house or to accuse me of being unfaithful. He chose to believe in a friend instead of the alleged love of his life. But I also remembered how awful it was to live with someone constantly shutting you down, saying that you would be lost without them, that nobody would never love you the way they loved you and that you might as well stay married with them because your life would be terrible otherwise.

 

“I don’t know, Carson… Some of the things he said… It’s hard to believe that Miranda was the mastermind behind it all.”

 

“Oh, don’t get me wrong here. Like I said, he is a grown man capable of making his own decisions. I’m just trying to give you some insight on this past eight years.”

 

“Yeah, because I can’t just wipe away the past, blame it all on Miranda and live happily ever after with Blake.”

 

“But you guys never got closure. You went away and hid, he embarked on this twisted marriage and you both let that chapter sort of hanging in the air. Maybe it’s time to get a clean slate? You’re going to be on each other’s lives a lot more now.”

 

I stood up, going around the room to get some air and clear my thoughts. “I don’t know if I can do this… Still hurts just to think about it.”

 

“Exactly, G! Think of this like a thorn on your finger. It will keep hurting until you remove it.”

 

I turned to face him again, distrustful. He was pushing the subject a little too much. “Why are you trying so hard for me to forgive him?”

 

“I’m not, I swear!” He raised his hands, defending himself. “But it was hard to see him finding out about his daughter after all this time. We also told him about your health problems and… I had never seen him so…. Powerless. It was like the light inside of him had faded away.”

 

“Don’t you think that he should at least had given me the chance to explain? Or, I don’t know, call it bullshit… If he loved me so much…”

 

“I know you are hurting.” He said, on a more pacifier tone. “I’m sorry I pushed the subject on you.”

 

“I came here to check up on you and look at us, all tense and stiff.” I tried to lighten the mood. It worked, because he laughed. “Let me worry about Blake. You focus on getting better.”

 

“There’s not much to do around here, in case you missed it. You guys keep me entertained.” I let out a big laugh.

 

“I’m glad that my love life is amusing to someone.”

 

“Now, tell me about this little girl. What is she like?”

 

“A princess. Seriously. She is so smart and beautiful that it blows me away. Here, let me show you.” I picked up the phone in my pocket and showed him my background photo. It was a picture of her on her seventh birthday, dressed as Sleeping Beauty.

 

“Wow, Blake wasn’t kidding. She is truly his spitting image.”

 

“Yeah.” I agreed, putting my phone back on it’s pocket. “You know, maybe you’re right about the closure. I spent the last seven years with a daily reminder of Blake.. Every time I'd look into my daughter's eyes, I'd see him, that's why it hurts so much for me, but he didn’t have that. It was easier for him to move on.”

 

“You may be right, but don’t think he forgot about you on all those years. I can’t count the times he got drunk on Adam’s house crying and asking for you.”

 

_Ouch, that one hurt._

 

We spent another half an hour reminiscing about the past and talking family and kids before I let him rest a little. I got back to Todd’s house to finish packing and wait for Blake to bring Aurora back so we could leave.

 

I spent the whole drive thinking about what Carson said. Miranda really had that much of an influence over Blake? It was a recurring fight between us how much he would put himself down all the time. I hated that he felt he didn’t deserve me for some reason, and now I was beginning to understand why.

 

But it didn’t erase the fact that he crushed me, destroying every plan we ever made. So I was facing a dilemma. I had a ton of thinking to do and a lot to process.

 

A little before 5pm., he rang the doorbell, carrying an exhausted Aurora. He placed her on the couch and she immediately noticed he was leaving, so she clinged on him. They shared a sweet moment that almost brought me to tears, because I remembered what Carson said about him finding out about her. This day was too emotional already.

 

“I…. I went to see Carson. I called his old number and it was the same still.” I blunted as he was leaving.

 

“You did? Good, good.” He turned around, not sure how to respond to that.

 

“We talked a lot... About everything. About the past.” _Why was I talking so much_? I didn’t have the nerve to look at him, so I was facing the floor. “He helped me understand a couple things.”

 

“Oh…I’m glad..?”

 

“Yeah, it helped filling some gaps. It doesn’t make everything right, but at least now I understand what happened.”

 

“Oh, I see.”

 

“You know… Now I can at least bare to be at the same place as you.” It was true. It wasn’t a forgiveness, but it could lead to a mature talk someday. We had to face this as adults and parents of a child stuck in the middle of this chaos.

 

“How long before you guys can come back? You know, for summer break?”

 

“Her classes end in three weeks, but Zuma and Kingston are going on a trip the following week so I have to wait for them to leave. Then I’ll bring Apollo to spend the summer with Gavin and we can plan something for you and Aurora too.”

 

“Would it be… Would it be ok with you if I go to Seattle and visit her? It’s just.. I just got her and now I have to wait a whole month…” Like father, like daughter. Both of them were already super attached to each other.

 

“Yeah, absolutely. We can talk more on the phone when you call her.”

 

“Ok.” He turned around to go to his car, but then turned around again. “Can I.... hug you goodbye?” That caught me by surprise.

 

“Don’t push your luck.” I reacted, angry. He agreed and went away without looking back. That left a void I couldn’t quite understand. I was mad at him for pushing the situation, but part of me got disappointed he didn’t fight harder. _Ugh._ I didn’t know what to think about him anymore. Both my heart and my head were in pieces, shredded with love and hate.

 

Well, not hate. I couldn’t hate him if I tried. It was more something like…. Resentment.

 

Aurora, Zuma, Apollo, my mother and I were at the airport already when my phone buzzed with a text from Blake.

 

 _So, this is my number. At what time she goes to sleep_ ? _I’d like to call her before bedtime if that’s ok. - Blake_

 

_She goes to bed at 8 o’clock. I forgot to tell you, in a few days I’m going away for a business trip, but I’m sending you my mother’s number, you can call her. - Gx_

 

_Ok, thank you. - Blake_

 

Shortly after that, he sent another one.

 

_Sorry for pushing your buttons like that earlier. It’s hard to see you and be this far, but I’ll work on that. And I wanna thank you. Our daughter is a ray of Sun… I can’t believe how lucky we are. - Blake_

 

It was hard to hide the smile and keep my heart from skipping a beat. I kept reminding myself that this was the man that broke my heart, but seeing him so in love with Aurora… It was hard not to feel a hint of joy.

 

“Who are you talking to?” My mother enquired, seeing me squirm suffocate a grin.

 

“Oh, just Blake. He is going to call your phone to talk to Aurora when I’m away.” I answered, locking my phone and putting it down.

 

“Are you okay? With all of this?”

 

I sighed. “I don’t know, actually. I guess I’ll have to wait and see.”


	6. I get burned, I don't learn, I'll be back, give it time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is dedicated to Bea, my amazing partner in crime! Thanks for all the ideas, boo!

“Aurora, guess where I’m going tomorrow.” It was our 10th day facetiming each other every night. She already knew when I was going to call so she would always have the phone in her hands when I did. Thank God, because that way I didn’t need to talk to Mrs. Stefani. I didn’t know where I stood with her, but my guess was that she probably hated my guts. Aurora and I would talk a little and after that I’d get the guitar to sing for her until she sleeps.

 

I’ve been talking to Gwen too, mostly about Aurora. I was taking Adam’s advice for a change and didn’t push her. That’s how we agreed I would wait for her to come back from her work trip to visit Seattle, which she did yesterday, and I would go on Thursday. It was hard to contain my excitement. I was practically marking off on some calendar the days going by. 

 

With Gwen I didn’t facetime, just regular phone talk. Everyday I had to control myself not to end the call with “Goodnight, I love you” like the old days. She had to trust me, see that she could lean on me again and being annoying and clingy was not the way to do that. 

 

But I’ll admit, it was hard to make all this effort for her to trust me when she wasn’t doing the same. She hasn’t come clean about her “boyfriend” yet and it was getting kind of annoying. 

 

“Where, daddy ?” She asked, letting a yawn escape. 

 

“To Seattle… visit my favorite girl.” 

 

“AAAAAAAAAHHHHH!” She screamed and jumped, almost dropping the phone out of her hands. “Really, daddy? You’re coming?”

 

“Yes, I’m coming. My plane will be there by afternoon.”

 

“I can’t believe this, I’m so happy!” She got so excited, making an adorable dance and shaking the phone in her hands.

 

“Okay, now I need you to get back in bed before your mom takes the phone away from you.” She obliged, getting under the covers.

 

“How long are you staying, daddy?”

 

“Unfortunately, just a couple days. But I’ll get to drop you off and pick you back up from school, how’s that sound?”

 

She had the biggest smile on her face, almost crying with joy. I had pretty much the same expression on mine. 

 

“Can you come with your boots?”

 

I let out a big old belly laugh.

 

“Yes, baby girl, I’ll wear my boots. Now, are you ready for bed?” I asked, placing the phone on it’s holder and picking up the guitar beside me. She also placed her phone on the nightstand and snuggled with the pony I gave her. She already knew the lyrics, and sang them with me until the sleep won the battle. 

 

I stayed in line long after she fell asleep, just watching her rest so peacefully.. I only ended the call when Gwen opened up the door to see if she could retrieve her phone. 

  
  


The next day, for the first time since I can remember, I was actually early for a flight. Usually I drag travelling as much as I can, but not this time. Not when I was about to see my daughter… and Gwen. I arrived in Seattle a little past 3pm., so I decided to rent a car and drive to the school address Gwen provided me. I didn’t know my way around Seattle traffic but it couldn’t be worse than LA’s. 

 

I still had some time to kill when I arrived at Aurora’s school, so I decided to send Gwen a text. 

 

_ Hi. I’m in Seattle already, waiting outside to pick up our girl from school. Can I spend some time with her or do you need her at home right away? - Blake _ .

 

Her reply came shortly after. 

 

_ No, it’s okay. She loves the zoo, in case you need ideas. - Gx. _

_ Great, thank you. - Blake.  _

 

Not much time later, I heard the school bell ring and that swarm of students just came out running from the building. Quickly I spotted my baby girl and she saw me too, opening the biggest smile and running towards me. I picked her up when she jumped, giggling. 

 

“Daddy!!”

 

“Oh, I’ve missed you so much, baby…” I said, hugging her tight in my arms. She crossed her arms around my neck and I wished I could stay like this forever. And we did, for a brief moment, before she tilted her head back to face me. “So, your mom tells me that  _ someone  _ loves the zoo… Maybe you can show me around _?” _

 

“Yes!” I put her down on the ground and we entered the car. 

 

We had the most amazing time there, just the two of us. Holding her hand while we walked made me feel twenty feet tall with superpowers. She would look at any given animal, point at it and look at me, saying “Daddy, look!” and I melted every single time. 

 

But, sadly, it was time to drive her home. I called Gwen to tell her we were coming and to ask her directions, and soon we were parking in front of her house. My plan was to deliver Aurora, say hello to everyone and go find some hotel, probably ordering room service. But it was not the same plan my daughter had. I kinda wanted to put her to bed, but I didn’t had the nerve to ask. I felt like I was pushing my luck asking that.

 

“Hi, Gwen.” I greeted her when she opened the door.

 

“Hello, Blake.”

 

“Mommy! We went to the zoo!” Aurora bursted out, excited.

 

“Really, baby? That sounds so fun!” Gwen replied. “Now say goodbye to your dad and go wash your hands to have dinner.”

 

“What? Why can’t he stay for dinner?” She asked, with those puppy dog eyes. 

 

“Oh no, sweetheart. I don’t wanna interrupt anything. I’ll come by tomorrow to drop you off at school.” I tried to get myself out of this, because if Gwen didn’t invite me herself, it was because she didn’t want me here.

 

“Yeah, honey, I’m sure your dad is tired.” She added, looking at me with apologetic eyes. 

 

“But, mommy… If he stays for dinner he can tuck me in to sleep… Please?  _ Pretty pleeeeease _ ? Daddy?” She begged, turning from one parent to the other. 

 

_ Fuck, I was a terrible father.  _ I didn’t know how to say no to her. Partly because I really wanted that, I even brought my guitar. 

 

“Well, if that’s ok with you, Gwen…” I began. She sighed, not entirely comfortable with the situation, but ultimately, she agreed.

 

“Yeah, I’ve cooked enough for all of us. Come on in.” She opened the rest of the door to let me go through. Aurora ran upstairs to leave her backpack and wash her hands.

 

“I’m sorry, I should have asked you this over the phone…”

 

“No, that’s okay. I didn’t invite you because I didn’t know if you were going to be tired or not.” She apologized. 

 

“Do you need any help?”

 

“No, I’m almost done.” She went back to the kitchen and I followed her, putting my hands in my pockets.

 

“So….. Where is everyone?”

 

“My mom already left this morning, Zuma is out with his girlfriend and Apollo is at a sleepover at a friend’s house. They needed to finish a school project.”

 

“I can’t get over the fact that he is 10 already. He looks so big.”

 

“Yeah…” She smiled, seasoning the salad. “Can you believe that he has his first crush already? He asked me to buy flowers the other day.”

 

I laughed. “Really? Who is the lucky lady?”

 

“Her name is Olivia. A neighbour from down the street. They are the cutest thing together.”

 

“Ugh, that reminds me soon it will be Aurora’s turn and I’m so not ready for that.” The thought alone gave me chills. She giggled.

 

“You better be ready, she is a heartbreaker, just…” She stopped mid-sentence.

 

“Just what?”

 

“Nothing.”

 

“Gwen, what?”

 

“I was going to say… just  _ like her father. _ But not in a hurtful meaning. She has your charm, that’s all.”

 

“Oh.”

 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to bring out the past or anything.”

 

The subject faded away and we fell into an awkward silence. 

 

“Gwen.. I want to register Aurora as mine. Give her my last name, tell everyone…. I want a piece of paper saying that she is my daughter.” It took her a while to answer, but I knew from the way her shoulders dropped she had listened and was thinking about it. “I wanna care for her, spend time with her, take her to Oklahoma to meet my family…”

 

“Yeah, totally.” She answered, but never looked my way. “I guess I can’t be selfish anymore.”

I approached her, but being careful not to cross any lines. 

 

“I know this is not easy for you. I mean, it’s been seven years just you and her… I hope you know I have no interest in being in the middle of the two of you. But I do wanna be there and take care of her.. And do the same for you too, if you let me. You’ve spent far too long doing this by yourself.”

 

She finally turned her face to look at me, with watery eyes and a grateful smile. “Thank you. I appreciate that.” I just nodded in acknowledgement and stepped away, giving her some space. “You know.... You know that this never had anything to do with you as a father, right? I mean, I never doubted your skills as a dad, I knew from day one that you would be amazing, it’s just..”

 

“It’s boyfriend Blake that screw up.” I completed her sentence where she trailed off. “Yeah, I know that. Don’t worry.” We stood there, in the middle of her kitchen, just staring at each other for what it felt like ages. Unsaid words hanging in the air. I took a small step towards her, trying to reach her, trying to apologize, ready to drop at my knees and beg her to forgive me. But suddenly Aurora came running into the kitchen and we both jumped apart, as if we were electrocuted. 

 

Dinner was bittersweet. I was normal and domestic, with Aurora telling Gwen about our day at the zoo, but also it served as a reminder that what I could have had, but was dumb enough to let it slip out of my hands. From time to time, I could see Gwen stealing looks in my direction. In two occasions, our gaze met, and she briefly smiled. That gave me a tiny spark of hope. 

 

After dinner, Gwen and Aurora went upstairs for the little one get ready for bedtime, and I stayed behind. I was idle, so I decided to help out in the kitchen. I cleaned the table and loaded the dishwasher. 

 

“She is waiting for you, second door to the…  _ oh.” _ Gwen came back sometime later, just as I was finishing tidying up the room. She stopped dead on her tracks at the sight of me with a dishcloth on my shoulder, the perfect man of the house. “You didn’t have to do that.”

 

“I wanted to help.” She didn’t quite know how to reply, so she just nodded. “I’ll pick my guitar in the car.”

 

I went and came back pretty quickly, and soon I was getting ready to play the most especial concert I’ve ever performed. I pulled a chair closer and sat down. Gwen stood by the door, but suddenly fell out of place and turned around to leave. 

 

“No, mommy! Stay!” Aurora begged.

 

“Yeah, Gwen.. You know this song too, right?” I tried to help.

 

“Which one is it?” She asked, insecure.

 

“Lullaby, by Dixie Chicks.”

 

“Gosh, I haven’t sing in so long… I don’t even remember how it’s done…” She said, putting her hair behind her ear, a little embarrassed. 

 

“Of course you do, c’mon.” I pleaded. 

 

She took a deep breath and sat by the edge of Aurora’s bed, cuddling with her as I stroke the first chords to this song. 

 

_ They didn't have you where I come from  _

_ Never knew the best was yet to come  _

_ Life began when I saw your face  _

_ And I hear your laugh like a serenade  _

 

Aurora stayed in silence, with Gwen softly humming the harmony along, while straddling our baby’s hair. They both had their eyes glued on me and I had to keep my head down to prevent me from choking up.

 

_ How long do you want to be loved? _

_ Is forever enough, is forever enough? _

_ How long do you want to be loved? _

_ Is forever enough? _

_ 'Cause I'm never, never giving you up _

 

Without realizing, Gwen started singing along too. Aurora closed her eyes and snuggled inside her mom’s arms, slowly drifting off to sleep. I looked up and met Gwen’s eyes. I had forgotten how much I loved her voice, so emotional and unique.. 

 

I wonder if she felt the same way I was feeling in that moment. Treasuring that time together as a family, as if the past had no effect on us. Just the three of us there, singing our daughter to sleep like we talked about so many times before. The family we so desperately wanted. Could she see how much it was worth it? Could this open her eyes and convince her to give me another chance? I layed it all on the table for her, poured my heart and soul into the music as if it meant life or death for me, because in the end of the day, that was pretty much true. There was no life for me without them.

 

I sang the last part of the song looking into her eyes, hoping that she got the message through. 

 

_ How long do you want to be loved? _

_ Is forever enough, is forever enough? _

_ How long do you want to be loved? _

_ Is forever enough? _

_ 'Cause I'm never, never giving you up  _

  
  


\-----------

  
  


We closed Aurora’s bedroom door slowly, in silence, so we didn’t wake her up. We climbed down the stairs side to side, without saying a word, both of us still processing the moment we just shared. I put my guitar back on it’s case and she accompanied me to the door. It was a wonderful night, the summer breeze shaking the tree leaves nearby. She closed the front door behind her and we stood on her porch for a moment, looking at the starry sky above us.

 

“It was sweet of you to bring the guitar and sing for her.” She stated, leaning back in one of the columns.

 

“I’m gonna be honest.” I said, lowering the guitar case on the ground and turning up to face her. “Singing her to sleep is mostly the reason why I came. I’ve been dying to do that in person.”

 

“And it was worth it the trip?” She asked, smiling, because she knew the answer to that already. 

 

I took a small step towards her, feeling the butterflies fuzz up on my stomach. I was nervous, kinda like a boy making a move on it’s crush. “Seeing you there with her, singing along… I’d do it a thousand times again.”

 

She closed her eyes and rested the back of her head on the pillar, taking a deep breath. I closed the distance between us one step at a time. With my right hand, I placed a feather of a touch on her cheek, and she leaned in my hand like a thirsty man on a pond. That gave me the confidence to put my other hand in her waist, softly pulling her to me. She covered my hand that was on her face and I leaned in, breathing her scent. A fragrance I didn’t realized how much I missed. 

 

The moment was perfect. She was willing to open up a breach for me, I was more than ready to take advantage of the opportunity… But something was bugging me. 

 

“Why did you lie?” I asked on a whisper. 

 

She opened her eyes, startled. “What? What lie?”

 

“You’re not dating the chef, yet you lied to me.” I took a step back, retrieving my hands. The moment was gone. 

 

“How do you know?”

 

“Aurora told me.” I ran my fingers through my hair. “Why? Why was that so easy for you to lie? Am I reading things wrong here? Am I insisting on something that will never happen?”

 

“Easy? Do you think this is easy for me?” She shot, resentful. “Do you think is  _ easy  _ for me having you back into my life after all we’ve been through? I’m a mess right now, Blake! You have absolutely no idea!” She turned her back at me, both her hands on her head. “I thought I was over you, I thought I had moved on.... But out of nowhere you come back… I don’t know what to do. I was cornered and said the first thing that came to my head, trying to protect my heart.”

 

“I feel exactly the same way, yet I’m here, at your feet, trying to make this right again.” She stared at me again, as if she couldn’t believe what she was hearing. 

 

“You cannot possibly think that we are standing on the same ground!” She raised her voice, infuriated. “My wound is as raw as the last day we saw each other, because I have a daily reminder of our love upstairs as we speak! You moved on with your life, but I never got the chance to do that because I was busy raising our daughter!”

 

“Do you think that is what happened? That I closed that door and got married, but one day I woke up and remembered you?” I took a step closer. “Do you know how many nights I woke up crying out your name? Not Miranda’s, yours!” I fired back. “I tried everything I could, I told myself over and over that you were gone with no return, but this… this stupid heart never stopped being yours!” I shouted. We were both crying silent, angry tears, finally letting those overwhelming feelings show. She stood there, just looking at me, her breathing ragged. 

 

“You can’t expect that to make things right again!” Her voice came out strangled with emotion. “How do you want me to give in if it still hurts as much as the day you left me?”

 

“Like this.”

 

I didn’t think. I just dove in and covered her mouth with mine. Her lips were salty with tears, and for a moment, she let her guards down and opened herself to me. We kissed with a hunger never before seen, like if we depended on that kiss to live. I pinned her to the wall of her house, taking in everything I could, feeling the same need from her. Her hands grabbed my hair for a quick second, but then, just like that, she pushed me away and slapped my face. 

 

She had tears on her eyes again, her expression a mix of desire, shock and pain. We didn’t say a thing, just stared at each other, letting what we did sink in. My right cheek was sore and probably red, but I didn’t flinch. I couldn’t move.

 

In a blink of an eye, she was back on my lips again, pulling my neck and craving her nails on my skin. My hand travelled to her waist, grasping hard every inch of her that I could. When we pulled away, both out of breath, she closed her eyes and rested her forehead on my chest, taking a deep breath. I kissed the top of her head, stroking her back. Suddenly, she straightened her spine, look me dead in the eye and had no emotion on her voice when she said:

 

“I can't do this, not again.” 

 

And then she got back inside and slammed the door on my face, leaving my shredded heart behind. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooooo... did you guys like it? Give me some feedback, please!! I'm dying to hear it!


	7. Nothing we say is gonna save us from the fallout

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WOW! You guys had some pretty strong opinions about the last chapter, huh? hahahah I absolutely loved that you all came to my twitter or over the comment section, and I got some amazing ideas to use on the next few chapters. I can never thank you enough for the support and investment on my fic. It blows my mind that you guys love it so much. If you still don't know who I am: @Ao3SoulLove
> 
> I hope you like this one too!

I slammed the door behind me, unable to breathe. I could barely see anything in front of me because my sight was blurry with tears. I rested my back against the door, sobbing almost uncontrollably, slowly falling down to the ground. I hid my head between my knees, wishing this was a nightmare and not my real life. 

 

He kissed me. I slapped him. I kissed him again.  _ What the hell was I doing? _

 

It was the first time in almost eight years that I heard him sing again, and almost as long since I last sang too. The sight of him serenading our daughter to sleep, the lyrics of the song, his eyes burning a hole into my soul, his touch, his scent, his lips on mine… It was all too much for me. And now I had slapped him across his face. The paper-thin wire we were standing on was now evaporated and we were falling towards the cold hard ground. 

 

I was doing ok, I had managed to see him and talk to him so far like the grown woman I was, like a responsible adult… I had four children, for God’s sakes. But just one touch from him was all it took for me to blew it up. His kiss caught me off guard, and I simply reacted. But then it worked like a heroin to a junkie: I needed more of his taste, more of the kiss I spent all this time trying to forget, trying to convince myself I didn’t need anymore. Turns out I was as hooked up on him as day one. 

 

My heart was torn. Part of me was feeling  _ oh so  _ guilty and ashamed for hitting him. I wasn’t a violent woman, and although he was the one making a move, I let him. I was there matching his need with mine. The other part of me, however, wanted to kick his ass some more.  _ How dare him  _ ask me about Luke? What if I was really dating him? It was none of his freaking business! He had a child and a complicated past together and that was it. 

 

The hard part was to tell my heart that. 

 

I needed some objectivity, I needed an outsider to give me perspective. And I knew just the right person to call. I pulled out my phone and dialled his number.

 

_ “Hey, boo! What’s up?” _ Pharrell greeted me with that soft, calm voice so characteristic of him.

 

“P.... I’m a mess. I need your help.” Him and I would talk in a regular basis. He was my rock, one of my dearest friends. He offered me a shoulder to cry on and a new look of things when I needed. He was living in New York now, with his wife and triplets, but we never stopped being friends. 

 

_ “What’s wrong? How can I help?” _

 

“It’s Blake. Now he’s back in my life with all this Aurora thing…. He came to Seattle to spend some time with her…. And we… we ended up kissing..”

 

_ “ Oh...” _

 

“And I slapped him.”

 

_“O_ _ h!” _

 

“Then I kissed him again… and slammed the door on his face.”

 

_ “ WHAT _ ?” He couldn’t stop laughing. _“_ _ Are you serious _ ?”

 

“Yes.” I took a deep breath, not feeling any better. “He was here, we sang a song together, then he called me out on my lie about Luke… You know, the one I told him Luke was my boyfriend. We had a fight, he kissed me…  _ Ugh,  _ what am I going to do now? We have to co-parent and I can’t look at him!”

 

_ “You guys sang together?” _

 

“Yeah, every night he sings to Aurora over the phone. Tonight he did that on person and invited me to do it with him.”

 

_ “That’s actually pretty cute.” _

 

“P! You’re not helping!” 

 

He laughed at my expense.  _ “Sorry, sorry. First of all, hitting someone is never okay. So you need to apologize.”  _ I grunted in pain. “ _ Second, you guys need to talk. ASAP. And please notice I said ‘talk’, not fight or make out.”  _ He let out another laugh.

 

“I know you’re right, I just don’t know if I can bring myself to do it.” I said, running my hand through my hair. “I’m just so mad at him for keep meddling in… He doesn’t give me any space.”

 

“ _ It’s not easy for him too, G. You two were crazy about each other and it all ended so fast.” _

 

“And who’s fault is that?” He didn’t answer. We spent a moment in silence. “Did you know that Miranda was the one that showed him the pictures of my ‘affair’?”

 

“ _ Yeah, I knew it. I didn’t tell you because I thought ‘what good will it bring for Gwen to know that _ ?’.  _ You had a lot on your plate.” _

 

“Pharrell, be honest. Should I forgive him? Was he just a naive guy that didn’t know any better?”

 

“ _I can’t answer that, G. You can’t forgive him just because I said so and then spend the rest of your life beating yourself up for being weak. But I’ll ask this: have you ever considered forgiving Gavin_ _and getting back with him_?”

 

“I missed being in a relationship, but I never missed  _ him _ .”

 

_ “You were married for 13 years with him, had three children… And you never gave a second thought on your marriage. Yet 3 years with Blake left you like this, even after a gap that lasted almost a decade. Do you understand where I’m going with this? I think that this feeling deserves a serious shot.” _

 

“But…”

 

“ _ I’m not saying ‘forgive and forget’. You shouldn’t overlook all the things he said. But you do owe it to your heart finding out. If it doesn’t work out, at least you gave it your best. He may have his flaws, his approach to the situation may be wrong, but he’s out there, trying too.” _

 

“I hate when you make sense.”

 

“ _ But isn’t it why you called me _ ?” I laughed a little. 

 

“Yes, but I still don’t like it.”

 

“ _ Goodnight, boo. And try not to freak out too much over this. Just... go with what feels right.” _

 

_ “ _ I’ll try. Thanks again, P. Send my love to Helen and the kids.”

 

We hang up and not too long after I heard Zuma’s car parking in the driveway. My time to be a freaking out teenager had run up. Time to be a mom again. I stood up and went to the bathroom to wash my face, trying to recompose myself.

 

“Mom? You up?” Zuma called as soon as he walked the door. There was something wrong. His voice was strange. 

 

“Hey, baby, I’m here.” I got out the bathroom and I was right. He had been crying. Today was not the Stefani's lucky day.  “What happened?”

 

“She broke up with me… Harper broke up with me.”  _ My poor baby. His first heartbreak.  _ I went over to him and gave him a tight hug.

 

“That’s terrible, sweetie.. Did she say why?” 

 

“She said she didn’t want strings attached now that we were almost done with high school. She wants to  _ enjoy  _ her college experience.” Zuma was as tall as his father, with athletic figure because we was always playing a different sport, bearded and all, but he would be forever a baby to me. We sat on the couch and I let him lay his head on my lap like he used to when he was a kid. I stroke his hair gently, heartbroken for him, but happy that I was able to raise a man that was not afraid to show his feelings. 

 

“If she told you that, she never really loved you. So it’s good that she is gone. Now, you can focus on your trip with your brother and on your own college, don’t you think?”

 

“Yeah, I guess you’re right. It’s just so… cold of her.”

 

“Baby, I wish I could say that’s your first and last disappointment. But you still have a full life ahead of you and it’s gonna be filled with cold-hearted people.” 

 

“ _ Ughhhh…..”  _ He grunted on my lap. “Why do we fall into this trap?” 

 

I laughed, despite his misery. “I’m 47 and I still do, so I guess we kinda like it, in some twisted way.” He didn’t reply, and we spent a couple minutes like that, in silence. After that, he got up and gave me a kiss on the cheek. 

 

“Thanks for the talk, mom. I’m going to bed.”

 

“Anytime, sweetie.” I stood up too. “Oh, I just remembered. You don’t need to take Aurora to school tomorrow. Blake is here and he will do that.”

 

“Blake is  _ here  _ here? Like inside the house?”

 

“No, just in Seattle.”

 

“Oh…” He stared at me, trying to understand the situation. “Are you guys… back together?” He asked, carefully.

 

“No.” I was quick to answer that. “I mean, I don’t know. It’s complicated.” Zuma laughed. 

 

“I’m not the only one falling into the trap, huh?”

 

“Definitely not.” He kissed my forehead and for a second I felt like the young one of us. 

 

“Goodnight, mom.”

 

“Sleep tight, honey.”

 

The next day was somewhat normal. Get up, wake up the kids, get them breakfast . It was the chaos I was used to and it took my mind off the fact that Blake was coming over again. I only remembered it when the doorbell rang. Aurora was still on her bedroom so I yelled at her to come down and Zuma was at the kitchen with his beloved coffee. 

 

I went to open the door and found Blake at the other door with red-ish nose and puffy eyes. He had been crying too.  _ Oh, what have I done _ ? My heart sank on my chest.

 

“Uhm, hi. Is Aurora ready yet?”

 

“Yeah, she is coming down.” I looked over my shoulder and we were safe. I went forward and pulled the door behind me, so we had a little privacy from the kids. “Listen, I wanna apologize. I shouldn’t have hit you, and most of all I shouldn’t have kissed you again…. I don’t know what got into me...”

 

“No, I’m the one that should be apologizing.” He raised his hands to stop my rambling. “I keep forgetting that your personal life has nothing to do with me anymore. If you are or you aren’t with Luke, that’s not of my business, right? So I’m sorry I called you out…..” He lowered his voice. “But I can’t bring myself to be sorry for that kiss. Even with every complication. It reminded me what I’m fighting for.” I closed my eyes, trying not to get so emotional. We should deal with this as adults. “I know you felt that too, otherwise you wouldn’t have given me another.”

 

“I don’t know what I’m feeling right now. My emotions are all over the place.” 

 

“That’s ok. I had an interesting talk with Adam last night. Well, more of a sermon.” He said with a smirk. “After he was done scolding my ass, he told me something that was true:  _ you  _ have to want this too. I know I do, but it’s you that can’t decide. So I’ll back out. I’ll let you be. Whenever you’re ready, you know where to find me.”

 

“Blake…”

 

“Don’t, Gwen. I got the reference from the slap. I was so over the line that it was more of a fainted dot in the horizon.” I smiled because he used a line from one of my favorite TV Shows,  _ Friends. _

 

I didn’t have the chance to answer that, because Aurora opened the door screaming “Daddy!” and jumped into his arms.

 

“She doesn’t have the last class of the day today, so you can pick her up at 3pm today. The nanny will be at home until I arrive, or you can bring her to the restaurant tonight…. And have dinner with me before you leave.” I hope he understood the invitation as an olive branch I was extending, like a truce sign. 

 

“Ok.” That’s all he said.

 

“Bye, mommy!”

 

“Bye, dear.. Have a good day at school.” 

 

She blew me a kiss, both of them got into the car and left.

 

It was past 9pm when I finally gave up waiting and went home. I was planning to call him to ask where he took Aurora to eat when I opened the door and found her playing with Apollo on the living room carpet.

 

“Hi, Ms. Stefani.” My nanny, Carol, greeted me. “They wanted to wait for you and since today is Friday…”

 

“That's ok, thanks, Carol. Do you need a ride home?” 

 

“No, my husband is coming. See you tomorrow. Bye, kids!”

 

They replied with a goodbye and she went to wait for her husband at the kitchen. Both my youngest came to hug me when I placed my purse on it's holder down the hall.

 

“Hi, mommy! Can Pollo and I build a fort in my room?”

 

“Yes, but only for an hour. After that, bed for you both. Did you hear me, Apollo?” He nodded. “Sweetie, where is your dad?” I asked Aurora

 

“We left already, mommy. He took me to the museum today and it was soooooo funny, he pretended he was a mummy the whole time to scare me…” she said between giggles. 

 

“What time did him bring you home?”

 

“It was before Zuma came home from his football practice, I think…” So it was around 7 o’clock… and he didn't say anything to me. “Can we go now?”

 

“Yes. But keep the noise down!” 

 

He left without saying goodbye to me. That shouldn’t bother me, right? He could do whatever he wanted. We literally just had a fight about this subject. As long as he cared about Aurora and didn’t let her down, I should be okay with that. I couldn’t care less about what Gavin does with his life when he is not with the boys. With Blake it should be the same thing. 

 

Except it wasn’t. And it stung a little bit. 

 

One hour later, I was reading in my bed when the phone rang. I had completely forgotten about Blake’s call to Aurora. It was a FaceTime call. I quickly checked myself in the mirror, adjusting my hair, and answered it. 

 

“ _ Oh... Gwen, hi.” _ From where I could see it, he was walking inside a house.

 

“Hi…”

 

“ _ I just arrived in Nashville. Is Aurora still up? I told her I would try calling her when I get home.” _

 

“Let me check. She didn’t say anything to me, that’s why she wasn’t with the phone.” I stood up and went to her bedroom. Both her and Apollo were passed out on her bed, sound asleep. “Sorry, she is off to the world now.” I turned the camera for him to see they sleeping and he looked disappointed.

 

“ _ I know it’s past her bedtime but I kinda hoped…” _

 

“Don’t worry, she knows you were travelling. She was playing with Apollo and probably wore all her batteries out.” I told him, closing her bedroom door.

 

_ “I’m gonna leave you alone now. Sorry to interrupt your night.” _

 

“Yeah, you totally killed the fun of my book about Business Administration.” I said, trying to lighten the mood.

 

“ _ What? Are you trying to tell me that you don’t have a blast learning more about supply and demand? _ ” He replied, going along with it.

 

“I mean, who doesn’t, right?” I laughed shyly. I arrived at my bedroom and sat on the bed again, resting my back on the headboard. “So… I was kinda waiting for you at the restaurant today.”  _ Why the hell did I say that _ ? As soon as I said it, I flinched, cursing myself for giving in. He saw that and smiled. 

 

“ _ Sorry, I got a call from the office here in Nash and had to come back earlier _ .” But he didn’t say why he didn’t tell me or why he left with so much a goodbye. “ _ When you guys are gonna be back in LA?” _

 

“Two Fridays from today.” I answered.

 

“ _ Okay, good... I’ll be in LA too by then _ .” He stopped for a minute, scratching his beard.  _ “Can I take Aurora to the ranch sometime this summer? Mom and Endy are bugging me everyday to meet her.” _

 

“Oh yeah, of course!”

 

_ “I mean, you and Apollo are also invited. I know he loves that place.” _

 

“He was going to be with his father for the summer, but I’ll definitely ask.” 

 

We fell into an uncomfortable silence. None of us wanted to address the elephant in the room. “ _ It’s been awhile since we used FaceTime to talk to each other, huh.... _ ”

 

“Yeah. I lost the hang of it, apparently.” I said in a low voice, laughing. He smiled too.

 

“ _ I’m sorry I didn’t go to the restaurant. I’m trying to give you some space. I didn’t know you were waiting for me.”  _ He said in a broken voice and it made me even more guilty.

 

“Don’t worry about it.” I said, making the best effort I could to hide the sour taste I was feeling inside. 

 

We hang up and I wanted to smash my head on the wall. Yesterday I was complaining to Pharrell that Blake was suffocating me and now, when he decided to let me be, I was freaking out about it. I didn’t know what to do. I needed him closer, but the proximity was causing my brain to go into overdrive. My heart was begging me for another chance with him, but my mind was already piling up ammunition to keep me as far away from him as possible. 

 

The next two weeks were a mix of last school days before the summer (with Apollo and Aurora rowdier than ever - they couldn’t wait to go back to LA), graduation day for Zuma (which made me cry like a baby) and travel prep for Zuma and Kingston, (who arrived on Monday). 

 

I know they have Gavin’s family in London, and we went there a bunch of times… Also they are fully grown, both of them capable of defending themselves, but my heart was heavy with the sight of them embarking on that plane. I guess is a mom thing. No matter how old your kids are, they would always be little to you. I had to contain myself from running after them, so I hugged Aurora and Apollo tight and kept them close to me as we said farewell to my two oldest at the airport.

 

The next day was our turn to travel. On Friday morning, Apollo, Aurora and I were arriving in LA. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this chapter showed Gwen's inside battle. She is feeling all kinds of emotions right now, still loving Blake, but severely heartbroken; she misses him but is afraid of jumping off the cliff only to get her face on the concrete again... What did you guys think?


	8. There's nothing that I wouldn't do, I'll find my way back to you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Smaller but crucial chapter! I hope you guys like the way I portrayed the scene! Leave your thoughts in the comment section or over my Twitter: @ao3SoulLove

 

Nashville. 

 

The city I once loved, that once was the place of my biggest dreams, now was a source of anxiety and sadness. I didn’t want to be here anymore. I didn’t want to arrive to an empty house that too clean, too impersonal, too dead. Especially because a problem at the label cut my time with Aurora short. 

 

After our divorce, our original house here was sold so we could divide our assets, and I ended up buying a new one just so I had a place to stay whenever I was in town. The architects had done an amazing job, I must admit, but I had no memories here. It was nothing more than a hotel room with my name on the documents. 

 

I got home late and tried to have my usual talk with Aurora, but she was already asleep. Instead, I talked to Gwen, something I wasn’t quite ready to do. After our fight, I decided to stop hovering. That slap hurt me more than I wanted to admit, even though she kissed me again right after. Actually, it showed me I was going too fast. But this polar opposite actions just showed how much of a mess she was. She had to want this as much as I did, otherwise she would be unhappy.  I didn’t want her to be with me just because I was being insistent. 

 

A sign that my distance was working was that she was waiting for me at the restaurant and I didn’t go. I knew she was going to be there and I almost went a thousand times, but I stopped myself and got on a plane to Nashville instead. It took me every bit of strength I had to make this decision, but I knew it was going to be for the best. 

 

Needless to say that my mood was terrible and I couldn’t wait to get back in LA, even without Gwen ou Aurora there. It got worse when I got back from the office one night and saw Miranda’s truck on my driveway. I took a deep breath and got out of the car, preparing myself for the fight I was about to have.

 

“I heard you were back in town…” She began, uncrossing her legs and getting up from where she was sitting.

 

“What the hell are you doing here, Miranda? We have nothing to address to each other anymore.” I said, passing straight by her and unlocking the front door.

 

“Blake, please… I just wanna talk, that’s all.” She said with that sweet voice that I used to find endearing. Now, I think it’s disgusting. She went inside right after me and closed the door. 

 

“Don’t make this worse.” I tried to argue. “For the sake of all those years we’ve spent with each other, at least let it be. Despite of everything, you were my wife, we shared years of our lives together and I respect you. But I don’t wanna see you ever again.”

 

She cupped my jaw with both her hands, in a move carefully calculated to seem affectionate. “Everything I did it was because I loved you so much, Blake. I still do.” She looked right into my eyes, and for a moment I remembered the good times we had as husband and wife. “I know some of the things were.... Unorthodox, but I did what I had to do so I didn’t lose you.”

 

“We already talked about this, Ran…” I used her nickname in hopes that she would give up. 

 

She brought my face closer to hers and our foreheads touched. She closed her eyes and started talking in a whisper. “I’m so sorry, Blake… We were so good together, weren’t we? It was the most amazing six years of my life. We are made of the same fabric, nobody knows you like I do. Maybe we could make this right again, overlook the past…” 

 

“ _ Overlook the past _ ?” I snapped, backing away and raising my voice. It must be some sort of joke. “Do you have  _ any idea  _ of what you made me lose, Miranda? What your lies cost me?” She looked at me with wide eyes, afraid for a moment, because I’ve never raised my voice for her. I was always the submissive one. “I have a daughter. Did you know that?”

 

“A daughter?” She whispered, clearly off balance. “That means...?”

 

“Gwen was pregnant when we broke up. When  _ you  _ made us split up.” I was so angry, so infuriated. “You made me lose the woman I loved the most  _ whilst  _ she was carrying my baby, and you have the  _ nerve  _ to come here and ask for me to  _ overlook the past _ ? Have you lost your damn mind? I can stand seeing you in front of me, Miranda! You disgust me!” I shouted.

 

Instead of getting offended, she got mad. Her eyes turned deadly and she quickly got back on her feet. She approached me slowly, like a lion to its dinner. “Did I put a gun to your head and made you broke up with her, Blake?” Her voice was low and dissimulated. “I didn’t. I never  _ made  _ you do anything. You  _ chose  _ to believe me.” She stopped for a second, and looking at me. I hated the fact that she could read me like a book. Miranda could always tell my actions long before I made them. “And what are you gonna do now? Do you think that Gwen is even going to  _ think  _ about getting back with you? Are you really this delusional?” She stilled her poison in a mocking tone.

 

“It’s none of your business.” I said, firm.

 

“Oh, poor Blake. Have you looked at yourself in the mirror? You’re not the same, honey. You let yourself go. Gwen would never fall for that twice. It’s a miracle enough that she dated you for such a long time in the past, when you were young and on your prime. Now....” She ran her hands across my chest, looking at me in a condescending way. “You should give up and just be with me, I love you either way....”

 

Then, I finally realized something. This was her go-to move. She would chip away my self-esteem, mocking my goals, and offer herself as a consolation prize, because I would never be good enough to achieve my dreams. Listening to this “you’re never gonna get it, you might as well settle for me” speech was the reason I could never believe Gwen loved me in the past. It was why I was so quick to believe in her alleged infidelity. And it was the reason why I lost everything.

 

It was never about Gwen. Nor Miranda. 

 

Because despite being her the one to say those things, I was the one believing in them. Letting them rule my life. For a long time, I blamed my ex-wife for my break up with Gwen. It was the easy way out, the quickest way to resolve the problem without really looking at the situation. But Miranda was only echoing a voice inside of me. If it wasn’t her, it would be anybody else. I know Gwen like the back of my hand, yet, I let an outsider guide my actions and manipulate me. Why did I believe her when I know Gwen would never cheat, ever?

 

Miranda was right. She never  _ made  _ me do anything. This was completely, 100% on me. And now that I understand this, I know how to get Gwen back. I’m not that person anymore and I will never let that happen again.

 

“She will. You don’t know her, but I do. We are getting back on our tracks. No matter how long it takes, Gwen will be with me again and I’ll have the family I’ve always dreamed of. With the woman I’ve always wanted. So don’t waste your time with me again.” 

 

For the first time since I could remember, Miranda looked shattered. She simply couldn’t believe I was defending my ground instead of caving in on her mind games. That powerless look on her face told me I was finally free from her. Tears streamed down her face when she realized that. Without saying a word, she grabbed her purse and got out of my house.

  
  


\-----------------

  
  


“I have one more thing to announce to y’all before the meeting is over.” I said at the end of the table, where I was sitting since early morning to deal with some issues the company was having. Nothing major, but it required our attention anyway. In front of me were some of my friends and business partners, people that have been following my life since “Austin” days. When I decided to quit music as a singer and start a new label, I only brought the best with me. People I could trust. 

 

“This is when you say you love men now?” Brandon teased me, laughing. 

 

“No, asshole.” I replied, laughing too. “Is a serious thing, shut up.”

 

“Ok, shoot.”

 

“I want you guys to be the first to know, because this will probably leak soon and my name will be thrown into the spotlight again.” My divorce with Miranda went relatively well under the radar, but there’s simply no way the press would let “Blake Shelton and Gwen Stefani’s love child” go as easily.  Especially with all the juicy details. “I just found out I have a 7 year old daughter. Her name is Aurora.”

 

The room went dead silent. Nobody dared to more or speak, so they just stared at me, waiting for some answers. It took a while before Brandon spoke again.

 

“Ok, this is big. You just found out? Have you done the DNA test yet? The mother could be after money or something.” His voice was careful, insecure.

 

“There’s no need.” Before he could protest, I continued. “She looks just like me and… it’s Gwen. The mother is Gwen.”

 

They all knew my story with Gwen. They all can testify how heartbroken I was by all of that, when I thought she had cheated, when I found out it was a lie, my despair to find her again only to end up with my face on the wall. 

 

“Man…” Scott tried to begin. “She was pregnant when….?” I nodded. He covered his mouth with his hand. “Jesus.. I can’t even imagine…” 

 

“Yeah. We are trying to be in good terms again, we’ve been talking and Aurora is simply....” I grinned when her name came out of my lips. I couldn’t help but gush about my baby girl. “Let me show you guys a picture.”

 

I showed them my lock screen wallpaper, which was a picture I took with her on my last day in Seattle. We were both smiling for the camera and holding donuts in front of our faces. She looked just like an angel. My phone went to one hand to another until everyone saw it. They were smiling too. Aurora had that power on everyone. 

 

“Maybe we should do the DNA test on Gwen because that kid is 100% you”, Scott laughed. “Congratulations, man. She is adorable.”

 

“Yeah, she is. Thanks, Scott.”

 

“But how are you holding up? It can’t be easy to process that you have a child this grown up and you never knew about her.” 

 

“I don't know, I’m still trying to wrap my head around it.” I answered, honest. “I understand Gwen’s reasons, but at the same time, I wish I was there from the beginning.”

 

“Do you want us to release a statement?” Brandon asked.

 

“We’ll fix her documents and clear everything on that matter first. After then we can think about that.” They nodded, agreeing. “I’ll probably spend a week or two at the ranch with them, but I’ll let you guys know when so you can cover for me here and in LA, ok?”

 

“You got it, buddy.” Scott agreed.

 

“If you don’t need me here anymore, I’ll go back to LA. They’ll arrive in a couple days.”

 

The rest of the staff was dismissed, but Brandon stayed behind. He had this “big brother” look on his face and I already knew the reason. 

 

“So, you and Gwen…”

 

“I know I may be crazy, but… I love her. That never changed, ever. I have to give this a shot.” 

 

“We always loved Gwen too. But I’m worried for you. It can be too much for her to forgive and you have a strong chance of getting your face smashed on a wall.” He put a hand on my shoulder and softened his voice, on a more pleading tone. “Just be realistic, honest with yourself and have patience. Time can work in your favor.”

 

“Thanks, man.”

 

“Now go be with your girls. We can handle from here.”

 

We said our goodbyes and as soon as I could, I was boarding my plane back to LA. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Miranda came a little out of the blue but I couldn't think of another scenario for them to have this talk. So I hope it didn't came out too forced. What do you guys think?


	9. My head's to blame for all my heart’s mistakes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I think it is time for Evil Lola to come around again, don't you think? 
> 
> \- To Bea and Shefanigx (who sent me a long ass essay and it turned out helping A LOT! Thanks babe!)

“This is not fair, mom! Why can’t I go to the ranch too?” Apollo asked between sobs, hiding his face on my chest.

 

Hell had broken loose on my house that night, because Blake had invited Aurora yesterday to go to the ranch and visit his family, and she came back blasting out the news. The minute Apollo heard, he started crying because he wanted to go too, but it was his dad’s time with him. 

 

“Pollo, I told you already, your dad is planning an awesome time just you and him, doesn’t that sounds fun too? You’re gonna do a lot of things together! You’ll go to the ranch another time, I promise.” I tried to appease the tantrum, hugging him on my lap. Aurora was next to us, feeling guilty for making her brother cry. 

 

“But I wanna go to the ranch too, mommy… Call dad and ask him, please… I wanna show Aurora all the animals, I know them…”

 

“Baby I can’t just call your dad, what if he bought tickets for your adventures already? The minute we see Blake, we will set another date for you to go too, ok?” He pouted, crossing his arms. “Besides, you haven’t been to the ranch in eight years, a lot of the animals aren’t there anymore…”

 

“It doesn’t matter, I wanna go with Aurora!”

 

“Pollo, what if we play farm until bedtime so you can show me how it is in there?” Aurora jumped out of the couch, trying to cheer up her brother. She had such a sweet personality. “I brought all kinds of toys, c’mon, will be fun!” She grabbed Apollo’s arm and started dragging him. He was still a little sad, but wiped away the tears with his other hand and let his sister take him. 

 

They climbed the stairs and I let out a sigh.  _ Disaster averted.  _

 

I looked around our new rental and took a deep breath. I had rented a new place for the summer, because spending three months in the guest bedroom of your brother’s house is not very adult, or comfortable, especially with kids. They loved the new place so much because it had lots of free space for them to run around. 

 

On the other hand, I was having mixed feelings about it. 

 

It looked so much like my old home in Beverly Hills, with lots of black and white and a modern vibe about it. It was part of the reason why I chose it, but also was giving me anxiety with all the memories of the old place. Times with Blake.

 

I thought about what Pharrell said to me the other day. I bought that house with Gavin, we spent years as husband and wife, raising our children there… Yet I didn’t associate it with him. All I could do is remember the times Blake played catch with three screaming boys by the pool, or movie nights where the kids would fall asleep in the first 15 minutes and we could cuddle and kiss for the next two hours in the dark. 

 

I was organizing my clothes in the closet when Blake called for Aurora. The phone was with me so I picked up the FaceTime call. 

 

“Hey, Blake. I’m gonna hand the phone to Aurora, one second.”

 

_ “Hi... Ok, thanks! How are you?”  _ He asked, out of courtesy.

 

“A little tired, we just got to the new rental and Aurora told Apollo she was going to the ranch with you… You can imagine the chaos.”

 

_ “I’m sorry he can’t come… I didn’t mean to create trouble for you.” _

 

“No, it’s ok! But I have to warn you, he’s with her in the bedroom and probably will nag you to set up another date so he could visit the ranch too.” I said and he laughed. “And how are you?”

 

_ “Miranda came to my house when I was in Nashville.”  _ He blunted and caught me by surprise. I stopped dead on place. _ “It was nothing, we just talked, nothing more. I wasn’t even going to mention that to you, but… I figured it’s best to be honest before it leaks out in some magazine and they use it to create lies.”  _ I didn’t quite understand. Was it a shade about my behavior with that incident on tour? Or he was just being truthful?

 

“Oh, really?” I asked, uncertain on how to respond. “How the talk went?”

 

_ “I think it’s safe to say that she won’t come around again.” _ I nodded, trying to hide my feelings. He quickly changed the subject.  _ “Also I’ve spent all day listening to new talent… It’s The Voice 2.0 week for me _ .” He indeed looked tired. He was wearing a deep blue suit but the tie was gone. He always had hated those.  _ “And it’s not over. I took a break to talk to her and as soon as I finish I have to go to this bar see another band perform.”  _

 

“Jeez, I’m tired already just to hear about it.” He smiled. I arrived to Aurora’s bedroom and opened the door. She and Apollo were on the floor, with animal toys spreaded all over the carpet. “Alright you two, time for bed. Pick up the toys, quick, quick, quick. Blake is on the phone.” 

 

“Blakey!” Apollo shouted. They gathered the toys in light-speed so they could be free sooner and talk more with him. I laughed at the scene.

 

“I may use you as bargain next time I need them to clean their rooms faster. It’s a miracle!” I said to Blake and turned the camera around for him to see the kids running around and tidying up the place. 

 

_ “The first to finish can pick the song!” _ He shouted for them and they became lightning bolts, screaming at each other ‘Hurry up!’ 

 

“Now you two take turns talking to Blake, while one brushes its teeth the other can talk to him. Ok?”

 

“Yes, mommy!” They shouted. 

 

“Can I go first, sis? I want to ask Blake about the ranch.” Apollo asked.

 

“Okay, I have to pee.”

 

I handed Apollo the phone and he sat on the bed, going on and on about how he was sad that he couldn’t tag along in their trip. I left the room with a smile on my face.  _ Poor Blake.  _ When I came back to retrieve my phone, both of them were almost asleep and the call had already ended. Aurora’s bed was big so I left Apollo there with her and didn’t disturb their rest.

 

The next day we all came to the restaurant earlier than usual. There was a new delivery for me to receive and the kids loved the playground we had set for children in the backyard. I was in the middle of carrying boxes when my phone ringed. It was Gavin.

 

_ “Hi Gwen, sorry to bother you.”  _

 

“Hi Gavin, it’s ok. How are you?”

 

“I’m good… Listen, I was wondering if we can switch dates for me to be with Apollo? My label just scheduled a couple concerts in New York and he’s probably gonna be bored. I was able to push our plane tickets to visit Canada with him for two weeks from now. Would that be ok with you?”

 

“Oh, this is actually perfect. Aurora’s father is going to bring her to Oklahoma and Apollo was devastated he couldn’t go too. He’s gonna be over the moon now.”

 

_ “Aurora’s father, huh?” _ He mocked my choice of words. We were able to bee in good terms now that’s been so long since our marriage ended. He wasn’t a bad guy, he just… didn’t love me. When we realized that hurt and regret would not be good for the kids, we moved past it. He was married again now and seemed to have settled.  _ “You finally told him.” _

 

“Yeah.”

 

_ “Well, I’m glad that Apollo is not gonna be upset. I was afraid that he was going to think that I didn’t want to be with him.”  _

 

“Do you want to break the news for him? He’s here with me.” 

 

_ “Yeah, let me talk to him.”  _

 

I called Apollo and handed him the phone. As expected, the first thing he said was  _ “so that means I can go to the ranch with Aurora?”.  _ When the call ended, he went running and screaming to tell Aurora the good news. I went to the kitchen still laughing and ran into Luke.

 

“Someone is in a good mood today!” He exclaimed, smiling too.

 

“I’m gonna be child-free for two weeks since Aurora’s birth.” I said, joking, and we both laughed.

 

“Where are they going?”

 

“Blake is taking them to the ranch.” 

 

“Oh…” Saying his name was enough to change drastically the mood in the room. Luke frowned, irritated. “And you’re not going?”

 

“I don’t know yet. I don’t know if he’s ready to handle to kids without help.” 

 

“You always do this, Gwen. He is playing you.” Luke snapped.

 

“What do you mean?” 

 

“Can’t you see that he doesn’t really want you, he just wants a perfect family?” He dropped the knife he was holding with a loud stomp in the counter. He approached me. “Did he ever ask what do  _ you  _ want? He says he is going to stop harassing you but he doesn’t, he says he will respect your space but one minute later he is asking inappropriate questions about your personal life...”

 

Those words hurt a little. Was Luke right? I didn’t know what to respond to that, because I was afraid it was true. I lowered my head, confused, and Luke got closer. 

 

“I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings. But you deserve to be cherished, praised… You’re wonderful as a woman and not just as a mom.” He was right in front of me and reached my cheek, placing a small affectionate touch. A red flag popped into my head. 

 

“Luke… I’m a mess right now.. I don’t think this is a good idea.” 

 

“Maybe it will help putting things into perspective for you…” He whispered, cupping my jaw with both hands so I’d look at his eyes. “You know how long I have feelings for you. It was never the right time and it will never be one. With me you’ll see what it feels like to be really loved.”

 

I had knots in my stomach. Sirens and neon signs were buzzing all over my head and my heart was screaming “GET OUT OF HERE!”, but I was torn. Luke had a point. Maybe I could compare both my reactions and see? I hadn’t kissed anyone in all those years and maybe that was the problem. I never let anyone get closer so maybe what I was feeling was some leftover emotion from my time with Blake. 

 

Luke interpreted my silence as a permission and slowly approached his lips with mine. “Can I?” He whispered. “Can I show you?” I nodded almost imperceptibly and he closed the distance. 

 

He placed his lips on my and… nothing. He was a good kisser, but, unfortunately, his mistake was not being Blake. I didn’t feel my knees become gelly and I didn’t have butterflies in my stomach with anticipation. I didn’t forget the world around me like when I was with Blake. This kiss didn’t have the power to evoke in me desires from deep down my soul, throw caution to the wind and give in to the feeling. I might as well be greeting a relative, because I didn’t feel a thing. At best, I felt guilty for using Luke. 

 

He could tell right away it did nothing for me, because when we parted, he took a deep resigned breath and kissed my temper. “It was worth the try.”

 

I placed both hands on his shoulders. “Sorry, Luke. I guess.... I guess I need to figure out by myself.” 

 

“I’ll never stop caring about you, dear… This won’t change. Just please be careful. Don’t jump into this just because is convenient.”

 

“I still need you by my side. I’d be lost without you.”

 

“You’re crazy if you think that a little kiss was going to be enough to push me away. You’re not that good, woman!” He made a joke and I was relieved to see that my old friend was back. 

 

At night, Blake came to visit and the kids practically jumped on top of him, bothering him with questions of when they could go. I rushed to his aid, giggling.

 

“I’m sorry, it’s just that Gavin called today and his trip with Apollo was pushed back a couple weeks. Is it okay if he goes too?” Blake had one kid on each leg, both of them doing puppy dog eyes for him. He let out a big belly laugh and agreed.

 

“Of course he can! Pollo can help me showing Aurora the place around, right, buddy?” Apollo practically came out of his skin with joy, hugging Blake’s waist tight and jumping up and down.

 

“Yessss! I will, Blakey! Aurora you can’t wait to see all the animals, the lake, the boat… You have the boat still, right Blakey?”

 

“A different one, little bigger. But yeah.” 

 

Aurora couldn’t stop giggling, covering her laughs with her tiny hand. She always did this when she was happy. 

 

“It’s settled, them! We can leave in two days, how’s that sound?” They cheered. Blake smiled and looked at me, now more contained, insecure even. “Are you coming too, Gwen?”

 

“Yes, mommy!!”

 

“Please mommy, let’s all go together!”

 

I didn’t know. I was scared about being with Blake for two whole weeks in a secluded space, but he will need help with the kids. The puppy dog eyes were now on three faces, all looking at me, waiting for my answer. Blake wanted me to go because he knew the kids were going to be a handful or he really wanted  _ me  _ there? Luke’s words were dancing around my head, especially since Blake didn’t made a single move since our kiss. I thought he was finally giving me space, but now I wasn’t so sure. Maybe he had changed his mind?

 

My mind knew that I didn’t owe him any explanation, but seeing him shortly after I was kissing Luke made me feel guilty in some way. He had poured his heart to me and I retributed by kissing another man? Even though it served me to truly see what was going on my my heart, it didn’t feel right. He came forward about Miranda’s visit, didn’t he?  

 

I looked at him again, and I don’t know… something in his expectant expression told me he wasn’t just being polite. Maybe at the ranch we could resolve this once and for all. Like he said, I had to want this too. So I decided to take a leap.

 

“Yeah, I can go too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uhhhhhh, I wonder how's that trip going to go! *evil laughs* 
> 
> What do you guys think it should happen! Tell me!


	10. Oh if you still love me don't just assume I know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Guys, before we entered this chapter, I just wanna take a moment and thank you for the support. I recently learned that long comments are not very common, yet I get them on every update. They show me how much love you guys have for my story, how invested you are on the characters, and I want you to know that I read every single one of them an take the feedback and the ideas you send me very seriously. This fic certainly would not be the same without you. I want to keep doing your love justice, so please keep them coming! 
> 
> The next few chapters, for example, feature a lot of the ideas you guys posted on last chapter's comment section and over my Twitter (@Ao3SoulLove) I hope you guys like it!

 

“Y’all ready to do this?” I shouted from the front seat of my truck and two very hyped kids behind me screamed _YESSSS!_ in response, while Gwen was smiling in the passenger seat. I was out of myself of happiness to have all of them for ten days on the ranch.

 

We got out of the car and immediately Aurora and Apollo started running around to see everything. Apollo went first, grabbing Aurora’s arm and taking her to see all the best spots.

 

“Don't go too far!” I yelled at them. “And come back the minute the sun starts to set down!”

 

They shouted a “Okay!” back at me and disappeared in the meadow, jumping and giggling.

 

My baby girl was outstanding here, her blond hair at the wind’s mercy, flying around her like an aura. She would point at everything and giggle, unable to wrap her head around so many different things at once.

 

Her mother, on the other hand… was dead silent. Gwen got out of the truck too, but stayed behind, just absorbing everything with wary eyes. She took one look around and came back for the bags, looking scared.

 

“Leave them here, I’ll come back for them in a minute.” I told her. “Go wander around. There's a lot of things to see.”

 

“Thanks,” she said in a small voice. “But I rather stay and get the kids settled. They’ll come back anytime now starving and filthy, so I better get the food ready.” She was rambling. And she only rambled when she was nervous. She went inside the house and I followed. When she stopped in the middle of the living room, I did the same, taking her hand on mine, which brought her attention to me.

 

“Gwen, look at me. What’s wrong?”

 

“It’s nothing. It’s stupid.” She tried to avoid answering.

 

“I want you to be comfortable here. You used to love this place.”

 

“Exactly.” She pulled back her hand and turned to the side, breaking our eye contact. “I didn’t realize coming here would bring so many memories.”

 

“I’m sorry. We used to come here a lot, didn’t we?” I said, putting my hands on my pockets. She walked towards a window, taking a deep breath.

 

“Yeah.” Se replied, without looking at me. “It will take me some time to get used to, that’s all. Don’t worry.”

 

“I wish there’s something I could do to help.” I said. Then I stopped and remembered something. “Actually, there is. I’ll call the kids. There’s someone dying to see you.”

 

“Someone?” She turned around, intrigued. “Who?”

 

“C’mon, you’re gonna like it.”

 

I shouted Apollo and Aurora’s names and they came running up the small hill that lead to the house. I gestured all three of them to follow me to the stables and they did. When we got there, Gwen almost screamed, putting both hands on her mouth.

 

“I can’t believe this.... It’s Halo!” She exclaimed, running to her old mare. “Oh my God, Blake!”

 

Aurora was confused. “Who’s Halo, mommy?”

 

“Come here, dear!” Gwen called her, petting Halo. Her eyes were watery with tears. Aurora runned to her side. “Halo used to be mommy’s ride… Your father bought her just for me.” I approached them and Gwen lifted her face up to face me. “I can believe you kept her all these years…”

 

“It’s yours, Gwen. I could never get rid of her.”

 

Truth be told, at first it hurt to look at Halo. When I thought Gwen had cheated, Halo’s presence here was only a reminder of the love lost. But even then, I couldn’t bring myself to sell her. I kept lying to myself, saying that her was a wonderful horse, but deep down I knew I held on to Halo in hopes that Gwen would be back someday. Actually, Halo was my confident. Whenever I got drunk or into a fight with Miranda here at the ranch, I’d come to the stables and talk to Halo. Sometimes, yell at her, because it was the closest thing I had to Gwen.

 

But I didn’t say any of those things.

 

“Still… Thank you.” She looked right into my eyes and I had to hold myself from sighing. Instead, I just nodded. Both Aurora and Apollo were petting Halo and giggling when she would try to lick their hands in search of treats.

 

“It looks just like a dog, but bigger.” Aurora said between laughs. We all laughed at that.

 

At night, we had dinner and I lit up the bonfire. I brought my guitar and sang with the kids, while Gwen sat next to us, looking at the fire, occasionally smiling at them, but avoided eye contact with me.

 

I wish I knew what was going on inside that head of hers. Was she comfortable here, or the memories were too much? Did she regret coming? Did she find it as weird as I did to go to sleep in different bedrooms with a solemn and distant “goodnight”? Did she miss waking up when the sun was rising and stay cuddling in bed, just hearing the birds chirping outside and enjoying the peaceful moments like I did?

 

Because, for me, it was so painful to be this close, yet so far. Knowing that she was just two doors away and I couldn’t be with her. But I took this moment in and was thankful for it, because I’d rather having her here like this than not having her at all.

 

The next morning, I woke up with the smell of coffee. I got dressed and went to the kitchen, where I found Gwen sipping hers and looking at the window, with her mind far away.

 

“Good morning.” I announced myself not to startle her. She lowered her mug and glanced at me.

 

“You also kept the sunflowers....” I had planted her favorite flowers in the backyard over 9 years ago. She mentioned she loved them on our first date and when I brought her here I wanted her to love this place, even though it was far away from the city. So I asked the gardener to cultivate those right outside the house. From the window in my bedroom, we could also see them, so it was not a few times that I woke up to find Gwen at the window, admiring their beauty.  It was another thing that I couldn’t bring myself to get rid of, even though it was difficult to maintain them in the colder weather.

 

It wasn’t my original intention, but Gwen was starting to realize that removing her from my life wasn’t the easy task she thought it was. She had Aurora to remember her of me; I had Halo and sunflowers.

 

“Yeah.” That was all I could say, however there was a whole speech ready in my mind.

 

“I hope you don’t mind that I used your kitchen. I just couldn’t sleep so I made some coffee.”

 

“You don’t have to ask permission, Gwen. This was once your home too. I don’t want that to change.” She was ready to reply, but then she changed her mind and looked the other way.

 

“So… What are your plans for today?” She decided to change the subject.

 

“I thought about taking them to go fishing. What do you think?”

 

“That’s a great idea. I’ll go wake up the kids.”

 

We carried two sleepy children to the boat, but once they got in there, they woke up completely. It was Aurora’s first time ever on a boat and fishing, so I decided to make the best of it. Gwen was helping Apollo with his fishing rod, but soon he got the hang of it and Gwen could sit back and just enjoy the ride.

 

Aurora was sitting in my lap, safely protected from the sun by an old hat of mine. Her face completely lit up when the rod started to pull, meaning that a fish was hooked. She squirmed, excited, and I started to bring the fishing line to get it to the boat.

 

“Wow Aurora, you got a big one!” Apollo exclaimed when the fish emerged from the water.

 

“Daddy!! Oh my God, is a fishy!!!” Aurora screamed, in awe.

 

“Get together guys, I’m taking a picture of this!” Gwen said, pulling her phone out from the back pocket of her pants. Apollo joined us as Aurora and I held the line up to show the fish she had gotten. Gwen took the first one and I turned to face Aurora, so incredibly proud. Apollo got back to his fishing rod and I brought the fish and placed it in her hand.

 

“It’s cold, daddy!” He giggled. “And slippy too.” I laughed and heard the snap sound of Gwen’s phone camera.

 

“Wow, this is a great picture!” Gwen exclaimed, showing me the screen. It was indeed, a beautiful father-daughter moment that made me even more emotional.

 

“Thanks for that. I loved it.” I said, sincere. Turning to Aurora, I said. “Now let’s keep this baby in the ice box until we get home.”

 

“What?” She looked at me with big scared eyes. “But he will die, daddy!”

 

_Oh-oh._

 

“Uhm, yes, honey, but we can eat it for dinner.”

 

 _“WHAT?_ We can’t eat him, daddy!” She jumped out of my lap, almost crying. “We have to put him back in the lake! His family will miss him!”

 

Oh, my baby was so pure. She didn’t realize the meat we eat comes from animals. I looked over to Gwen, not knowing what to do, and she gestured me to put it back in the lake before this turns into a chaos.

 

“You’re right. Let’s put him back together. C’mon.”

 

The rest of the morning was catching and releasing. Apollo didn’t look too happy, but obliged anyway so his sister didn’t get upset. It was just my luck - or karma, you name it - that I had a daughter protective of animals, after I hunted and killed so many of them. The day she finds out what I used to do in hunting seasons she will probably stop talking to me for good.

 

We got back to the house for lunch when the sun became too hot for the kids and spent the rest of the day chilling by the pool. They asked us to go in and I did, while Gwen went to her room to change her outfit for a bikini. We were playing jumps when she got back and I almost dropped Apollo in the water.

 

Gwen was wearing a colorful printed bikini and daisy dukes that had the power to give me a heart attack. It was too much bare skin for me to function properly in front of the kids. This woman didn’t look a day after 25, and sure as hell didn’t seem to have given birth to four children. I was looking at a supermodel ready for the runaway.

 

I was staring at a birth mark she had right above her cleavage when she caught me drooling. She smiled, embarrassed, and snapped her fingers at me to pull me out of the hypnosis. I cleared my throat and tried to focus on the kids, not on the goddess in a bikini entering the pool.

 

She tightened her hair in a bun, exposing her neck and I seriously thought it would be the death of me. I tried to stay as far away as possible from her, because the slightest contact of her skin would be enough to send me into overdrive.

 

We put a movie on so the kids would slow down before dinner and the four of us just sat down in front of the TV for some time. Aurora hugged my arm and rested her head on my shoulder, while Apollo snuggled inside Gwen’s embrace. I looked over to her, wishing I could say how fulfilled and content I was with this. I didn’t need anything else in my life. Just this. Her and the kids on a lazy night, watching a movie. She gazed back, with knowing eyes, and gave me a smile. I sighed, happy, and kissed my baby girl’s curls.

 

The kids were exhausted from the eventful day and were practically sleeping on top of their plates, so we put them to bed a little earlier. Gwen helped Apollo and when he slept she went to the porch, while I put Aurora to bed. I saw her there, just looking at the night sky, and decided to bring some wine for the both of us.

 

“You still like _merlot_ , right?” I asked, sitting right next to her on the top of the stairs with a wine bottle and two glasses.

 

“Yeah, thanks.” I poured the drink for us and we took the first sip in silence, just admiring the view. It took her a while before adding in a small voice. “Today was amazing.”

 

“It was. Aurora with the fish, man… I thought it was going to be ugly.” I said with a smile.

 

“Apollo was _not_ happy to release his fish after.” She added, laughing.

 

“I was thinking… can you imagine how she is gonna react when she finds out I used to hunt? Poor baby is going to be scarred for life.” I nodded my head, worried.

 

She put a hand in my shoulder, laughing too, and I was frozen in place. We looked at each other and she quickly looked away, taking another sip of her wine.

 

“Thank you for coming, Gwen. I haven’t said it before, but… It means a lot to me that you’re here.” I said, truthfully, and she glanced at me again, without saying anything. I put down my glass and got a little closer. “I know that we have our issues, but having you here gives me hope. I don’t take your effort lightly, know that.”

 

She nodded, looking at my lips, unconsciously licking hers. I took it as a sign and carefully placed my hand on her chin, bringing her face to me _oh-so_ slowly not to frighten her. I could smell the wine on her breath and it was making me drunk on her, a scent more powerful than anything I’ve ever felt.

 

“I kissed Luke.” She whispered just as our lips were about to touch.

 

That made me sober up right there on the spot. I backed away, speechless.

 

“Oh, ok..” It was the only thing I managed to get out.

 

“I’m sorry…” She put her hand on her forehead, looking down. “I didn’t mean to throw that on you, it’s just… you were honest about Miranda’s visit and I… I don’t wanna keep this from you… I’m sorry.” She was so scared about my reaction that it made me guilty.

 

Then, I realized something. This was my cue to show her that I’ve changed. I could use it for her to see that I trusted her, that I was giving her the space she needed and I would wait for her, as long as it takes. I couldn’t freak out like I wanted to, otherwise she would snap at me again and I would end up with another red sore slap mark on my cheek.

 

“Don’t be. You don’t owe me any explanation.” I tried to reassure her. “I’ve learned my lesson and I stand by my word.”

 

“Oh.” She was caught off guard.

 

“Are you guys… together? I’m just asking so I don’t cross any lines here.”

 

“No!” She quickly exclaimed. “He made a move but I… I didn’t feel anything… not like I’ve felt before, anyway... You know. With you.”

 

It took me every fiber of strength I had not to throw my fist in the air and scream “YEAH!” out of pure pride and happiness. I had to play it cool. The only thing that managed to come out was a shy smile.

 

“Good, good.” I had to get out of there before I’d do something that would jeopardize this entire plan. “So, I think we should go to sleep too, keeping up with those kids is not easy.” She looked at me as if I had three heads. I kissed her forehead one second longer than I should and stood up. “Goodnight, Gwen.”

 

Arriving at my bedroom, I started to let out the panic I was holding.

 

What the fuck? Should I have said something else for her? Did it seem like I didn’t care?

 

_Fuck, fuck, fuck._

 

What if that sends her straight to his arms again? I can loose her to this damn chef! He had all those years to make a move on her and he chooses _now_ to do it? I was pacing back and forth, freaking out, until I heard her door close with a stomp down the hall.

  
I ran my fingers through my hair, frustrated. _Well, there’s no going back now._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, what did you think? Blake was right in his reaction? Gwen should really have told him about the kiss? This ranch is going to be LIIIIIT ahahaahh


	11. You're the simple truth and you're the biggest mystery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little longer and eventful chapter! Thanks to y'all ideas and requests! I'm really pleased with how it turned out, and I hope you guys are too!

_ What the hell just happened _ ? I stare incredulously at Blake’s back while he goes back inside the house after I told him I had kissed Luke. He didn’t even get mad, he was... understanding? Was that the right word? I thought he was gonna explode, be angry, yell at me... all kinds of things, but he just…was okay with it. 

 

Was he trying to mess with my head? Or he simply didn’t care anymore? 

 

There was a third explanation, one that my heart so desperately wanted to believe in, but my head was not that easy to convince: maybe he had changed. Maybe he is truly trying to be a better person for me. He knew I needed space and trust from him, so not freaking out over this was his way of giving me just that? I wanted it to be the truth, otherwise my poor heart would not be able to handle it. I didn’t want another heartbreak, and Luke’s words were still dancing around my head. 

 

It was a battlefield inside my heart. He could have changed his mind about me, couldn’t he? I didn’t know what to think or what to do. I drank the rest of the wine that was in my glass and marched over to his bedroom, ready to confront him, to ask  _ What the fuck, Blake _ ? I raised my hand to knock on his door, but then, I changed my mind. What if he was really trying to change?

 

_ Ughhh,  _ me and my screwed up love life. I decided to go to sleep before I did something I would regret it later. So I closed my door and tried to sleep. 

 

On the next morning, we were going to visit Dot, Blake’s mother. It was the first time Aurora would meet her grandma and I don’t know who was more nervous: Blake, because it was his mother after all; Aurora, because it was a new relative for her; or me. Let’s just say we were a big old pile of nerves right until we reached her front door. 

 

Dot opened the door with a big smile on her face. She greeted Blake first, who was carrying Aurora on his arm, and simply melted when she laid her eyes on our daughter.

 

“Oh my Gosh, aren’t you the cutest little thing I’ve ever seen? You look just like your father, honey!” That was enough to let Aurora loose. She giggled and covered her face, with Blake smiling like a proud papa bear. They went inside and it was our turn - mine and Apollo’s - to say hello to her. 

 

Dot was super sweet with Apollo, saying that it was so good to see him again, and he was so big that pretty soon he wouldn’t fit into the door. But when it came to me.... She turned into an Ice Queen. She turned her expression into a closed frown, said simply “Hello, Gwen” and turned her back at me, just like that, and went to meet her granddaughter again. 

 

I know I wasn’t her favorite person anymore, but I never imagined such a sweet lady giving me this kind of treatment. I tried to stay out of it, staying at a distance while they got to know each other. Blake noticed I wasn’t feeling ok and gestured me asking if I wanted to talk to him. I shook my head no and went to the kitchen for some space.

 

I heard footsteps behind me some time later and thought it was him, but when I turned around, I found Dot, with her hands in her waist, staring at me. But her expression was much more smoothed than before.

 

“I’m sorry,” I began. “I know you’re deeply hurt by what I did and I guess no matter what my excuse is, it’s never going to be enough.”

 

“No dear, it won’t.” She approached me, taking a deep breath. “When Blake told me about her, I just couldn’t believe what you did. Hiding his only child from him. From his family. He is not the only one affected by it, you know? We were all robbed the chance of being on her life. Also, I loved you too. I thought you two were the real thing.” I lowered my head, ashamed. “But… Although I’m Blake’s mom… It’s hard not to understand your reasons. I’d probably do the same thing.” I lifted my gaze once again to meet hers, unbelieving. “Doesn’t mean that it’s right, though. I just see where it came from.”

 

“I swear I had no intention whatsoever of keeping her away out of selfishness. But if you know what happened, you probably know that he would never have believed the child I was expecting was his. And I couldn’t bear the thought….” I tried to get it out, my I had a lump on my throat and my vision was blurred with tears.

 

“Shh honey, it’s okay.” She rushed to my side, giving me a comforting hug. “The worst has passed and she is here with us now.”

 

“I know I don’t have the right to ask for forgiveness, but… You were always so sweet to me, truly like a second mom, and now...”

 

“I know, I’m sorry for my behavior earlier. I was just so mad...” She let out a small chuckle. “But it’s so hard to stay like this when Blake’s smile comes from one ear to the other.” She backed her head away to look at me. “And I can tell Aurora is not the only reason for it.” She said with a smirk.

 

“We are on weird terms.” I said, honest and a little flushed. 

 

“But he has a shot?” I looked down, turning red. “Ohh!” She squealed, taking my embarrassment for an affirmative. “Darling, look at me.” I met her eyes and she gave me a smile. “I know that is a long path, I know that some of the things he’s said and done really hurt you deep. He is not perfect. But, as his mother, I can testify that he is out of his body with happiness. This is what he always wanted, since y’all began dating.”

 

“But he wanted this, or wanted this  _ with me?”  _ I asked her, recalling what Luke said.

 

“With you, for sure.” She nodded. “I remember when he called me after he came back from your first date, I think. Please don’t tell him I said that.” She was quick to add, in a low voice. “But I could tell from the way he described your date to me….” She stopped for a little while before adding. “He wasn’t like that with Miranda.” 

 

I gave her a shy smile, but didn’t comment. “I’m sorry again, for keeping your granddaughter away from you.” She answered me by stroking my arm in a gentle and reassuring way.

 

“She is truly an angel out of heaven.” She said and we both turned around to look at the living room, where she was playing with Blake, Apollo and Dot’s husband and Blake’s stepfather, Mike. “Thank you for bringing her.”

 

After our talk, I felt so much more at ease here. We ended up staying all day, not just for lunch. The kids were playing non-stop on the backyard and probably would pass out on the car. We said our goodbyes to Dot and Mike, and Aurora gave her a long hug.

 

“I love meeting you, grandma.” She said that on her particular sweet way and I thought Dot was going to cry from joy.

 

“Me too, honey! Next Friday your cousins are going to sleep here. What do you think about coming too and stay here with them?” Aurora practically jumped out of excitement. 

 

“I want to!! Mommy, can I come?” She turned at me and I agreed. “YAY!! See you on Friday, grandma!” She gave Dot a kiss on the cheek and came back jumping to the car.

 

Apollo heard it and immediately turned sour. He crossed his arms and went straight to the car without saying goodbye to anyone. I mumble an apology and soon we were heading to the ranch. He stayed that way until bedtime, barely touching his food. I sent them both to bed while I cleaned the kitchen and Blake went too to help them.

 

I thought they were sleeping already when I came up, but I heard voices on Apollo’s room.

 

_ “Are you okay, buddy _ ?”  _ Blake asked. _

 

_ “I wanna go to the sleepover too…” Apollo answered in a crying voice. _

 

_ “Of course you can go! Who says you can’t?” _

 

_ “Your mommy didn’t ask me, only Aurora….” _

 

_ “Because you went straight to the car without saying goodbye to her. She would have asked you too.” _

 

_ “You think so?” There was a hint of hope in his voice. _

 

_ “I know so.” I heard a smooch sound, probably Blake kissing his forehead like he used to. “Goodnight, buddy.”  _

 

_ “Blakey?” Apollo called. “Can I… can I ask a question?” _

 

_ “Yeah, shoot.” _

 

_ “Why did you stop visiting us?”  _

 

I held my breath. Blake took a while to answer, probably as surprised as I was. Apollo was so little when we broke up. At first, he would ask questions, and I would always answer with a “Blake is really busy right now, but when he can he will definitely visit us in our new home.” Apollo was practically a newborn when Gavin and I split up, so he has no memory of us as a family like Zuma and Kingston have. But he had that with Blake. And I never stop to think about how that influenced him.

 

_ “Your mom and I.... We agreed it was best for everyone that we went different ways.”  _

 

_ “I thought… I thought you got sick of us. We were always nagging you.”  _ Oh, that broke my heart. Blake was quick to deny that. 

 

_ “No buddy, never! I’m so sorry, I’ve never realized how much I was important in your life. I love you as much as I love Aurora. You and your brothers.” _

 

_ “Really, Blakey?”  _

 

_ “Have I ever lied to you?” _

 

_ “No.” _

 

_ “Then there you go.” _

 

_ “What about mommy?” _

 

_ “What about her?”  _

 

_ “Do you love her too?” _

 

Blake didn’t respond to that right away and I couldn’t take listening to his reply. I stepped away from Apollo’s door and went to my room, with my heart racing on my chest. 

  
  


\------------- 

 

“Good morning, sleepyheads!” Blake shouted, cheerful, entering the kitchen from the back door. The three of us were still kinda foggy, not completely awake yet. In response, he only heard three grunts. He let out a big laugh. “Looks like I’m the only morning person here today! Now c’mon, finish your breakfast because I have a surprise.”

 

That was like the magical word to wake them. The practically inhaled their food and jumped out of their chairs. I was curious too so I finished my coffee and followed everyone.

 

Blake took us to the stables, where there was two ponies waiting for us, along with Halo and Blake’s stallion, held by two of Blake’s employees The kids simply exploded.

 

“OH MY GOD DADDY!”

 

“It’s ponies! For us!”

 

“Ok, now we are going to do this: first you both are gonna ride the ponies just around the barn for a little bit, and then we are gonna climb on the big ones with your mom and I and take look around the property, alright?” They agreed, squealing. “I even brought a picnic basket, we can stop somewhere and have a snack.”  _ That was so thoughtful. _ My heart skipped a beat and I smiled. He noticed and let out a relieved sigh. One of the employees helped Apollo while Blake put Aurora on hers. Soon, kids laughters filled the air. 

 

But it all happened so fast.

 

They were finishing the lap around the perimeter when Aurora’s pony got scared by a hole on the ground near it. Blake realized what was going to happen one second too late. All he could do was grab Aurora and pull her on top of him, with his body cushioning her fall. I screamed and ran towards her, while the staff went to climb down Apollo from his mount. 

 

I didn’t see blood, but Aurora was crying, scared. Blake was white was a piece of paper. 

 

“Aurora, are you hurt? Talk to me baby girl, c’mon.” Blake said in a shaky voice, lifting himself from the ground along with her. I crouched in front of Aurora.

 

“Honey, look at mommy.” I said in a soothing voice, trying to calm her and my own heart. But having three boys, I was kinda used to this mini-heart attacks. “What are you feeling?”

 

“My arm mommy, it hurts.” Aurora said between sobs, holding her left arm. 

 

“Let’s go to the hospital, now.” Blake took Aurora on his arms and I gestured Apollo to come too. 

 

The trip to the city was apprehensive and unusually quiet. Blake looked like he was going to drop dead from guilty. I went in the backseat, in the middle of the two kids, holding Aurora on my arms and soothing her. Apollo was on the other end, trying to reach his sister to comfort her. Blake was looking at us all the time through the rearview mirror, but didn’t say a word the entire time. 

 

We arrived at the hospital and the nurses soon took Aurora to do an x-ray and check up on her. I went with her while Blake stayed on the waiting room with Apollo. With all that commotion, we ended up spending the whole day there.

 

Luckily, it was only pain from the falling. There was nothing broken, no other serious injury. The doctor prescribed pain meds appropriate to her age and we were free to go. Even after learning that everything was ok, Blake didn’t look at me. He felt guilty, like somehow this was his fault. 

 

We decided to stay in and watch movies for the rest of the day, all of us still a little shaken from the events of the day. Aurora ended up falling asleep on Blake’s shoulder, between him and Apollo. We put the kids to bed and Blake barely looked at me. I went to my room saying just a shy “goodnight”, which he didn’t even answer. 

 

In the middle of the night, I woke up with the sound of footsteps down the hall. I opened the door to find Blake sneaking a peek inside Aurora’s room, checking up on her.

 

“Blake,” I whispered. “Is everything ok?” 

 

He looked at me and his face was completely red. He was crying his eyes out. 

 

I went over to him, briefly checked Aurora, who was sound asleep, and motioned him to go to the living room, where we could talk without waking up the kids. 

 

“I’m so sorry, so so so sorry…” He breathed out the minute we got there. “Please don’t take her away from me, I swear these ponies were docile, I double checked with the seller…” He rambled, crying even more. I went over him and hugged him tight. That was the only thing I could think of to comfort him. I stayed that way until I felt him calming down, until his arms went around me.

 

The vision of a 6 foot 5 Blake weeping like a child was more scary to me than Aurora’s fall. He was completely broken, devastated. “It was just an accident, Blake. She is okay, you heard the doctor. Don’t beat yourself up for this.” I whispered at his chest. 

 

“If something had happened to her I would never forgive myself… I was terrified…” He said, lifting one of his hands to wipe away his tears. “I did all I could so she wouldn’t fall straight to the ground, but even still….”

 

“I saw that, Blake.” I looked over to him, putting my hands on his cheeks. “Is this why you didn’t look at me the whole day? You thought I was going to take her away from you?” 

 

“Well… yeah.” 

 

I gently pulled him closer to draw his attention for what I was going to say. “Blake. I’m amazed by your care for her. You treat her like she is his the finest china, the rarest piece of jewelry you’ve ever seen. You’re an incredible father. This was just an accident. God only knows how many times the boys were sent to the hospital with cuts and broken arms. That happens, no matter how careful we are. It doesn’t mean we are bad parents.”

 

He swallowed the lump on his throat, covering my hands with his and closing his eyes. “Thank you.”

 

I fondled his cheeks to comfort him, and he opened his eyes. There was a subtle change in the air. We gazed at each other, neither of us wanting to say anything or even move at all and ruin the moment. 

 

We shared a thousand unspoken words just with our eyes. It was intense, real, honest. But it didn’t last for too long. He whispered a “thank you” again and went to his bedroom, leaving me alone, waiting for a kiss that never happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm gonna be honest: I legit cried with Blake at the end ahahahah just the thought of him so scared and broken... it was hard to write that part! What do you guys think?


	12. Your love might be my damnation but I'll cry to my grave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Guys, this is possibly the most important chapter of this fic. I hope it can explain a few things that were still unanswered..I tried to make it was smooth as possible, showing the real, raw and sometimes distinct feelings someone would have in this situation. But please, if you have any ideas or any constructive feedback, don't be afraid to leave it in the comments or over my Twitter (@Ao3SoulLove). I'm dying to know what you're gonna think of this one! Also, it's one of the longest chapters yet, so I hope that can make it up for the ending ahahaahah Love you all! - Lola

_ “Blake, oh my God… Have you seen these? Somebody left this envelope on your doorstep.” Miranda called me, closing the front door behind her. She had come to my house to show me a couple of songs she was working on. _

 

_ “What is it?” I approached her and when I saw it, I couldn’t believe it. Pictures of Gwen with another man. No, no, no… This could no be happening. _

 

_ “I told you, Blake… You should have listened to me… I told you from the start, Gwen would never settle for you. You guys are too different…. And now you’re brokenhearted.” Miranda put her hand on my shoulder, sympathetic.  _

 

_ “Gwen would never do this to me… She was so hurt when Gavin cheated on her.... She wouldn’t….” I was lost. The world had stopped turning around me and I was floating. This was not my reality.  This was a dream, a terrible one, or a tasteless prank. “I should.. There has to be… I’m sure it must be an explanation…” _

 

_ “Blake, was is there to explain? She was been treating you badly this whole time, you guys barely have been talking… Everything you do seems to piss her off. And now there is a man coming out of her room. I think is pretty clear.” _

 

_ “Do you think...?” _

 

_ “Yeah. I think she is playing with you. She got tired of the whole ‘small town, country boy’ thing and decided to go back to her old ways. I mean, you said yourself, you never thought she would be comfortable living at the ranch, right? Maybe she changed her mind.” _

 

_ It was my darkest fear: that someday she would wake up and realize I wasn’t enough. Because I wasn’t. I wasn’t as exciting, as adventurous, as experienced as her. I was a traditional kinda guy, at my happiest when I was in the woods, alone in my element. But I’ve always thought that, when that time comes, she would be honest and straight-forward with me. Never crossed my mind that she would go behind my back.  _

 

_ I felt tears coming down my eyes, the bitter taste of betrayal poisoning my mouth and my thoughts. How could she do this to me? Her love was a mere lie? I was just something for her to pass the time before she finds somebody else, someone better?  _

 

_ As on cue, the doorbell rang. I had completely forgot that Gwen was on her way here after finishing her tour.  _

 

_ I didn’t have the strength to get up, so Miranda opened the door.  _

 

_ “Oh, Miranda” I heard her say. “I didn’t know you’re going to be here. Where’s Blake?” _

 

_ “You have the nerve to show up here after all you’ve done. How dare you, bitch?” Miranda replied, rispid.  _

 

_ “Miranda.” I called, announcing myself and interrupting her. “We need some time alone.” _

 

_ “Don’t let her mess with your head, Blake.” She warned me and opened the door to leave.  _

 

_ “Babe?” Gwen looked at me, her smile slowly fading away with the sight of my tears. “Why are you crying? Is there something wrong?” She was now worried. _

 

_ “Don’t you know why? Because I got this in the mail today.” I shouted., throwing the pictures at her. “Am I just a hobby for you? An exotic pet that you quickly got tired of playing?” _

 

_ “What? Of course not! Where all this is coming from?”  She crouched to pick up a few pictures. Then, she understood. “Oh my God… Blake, this is not…” _

 

_ “This is not what I’m thinking? Is that what you were going to say? So save it! I don’t wanna hear!” My voice was strangled with pain, as if I just got stabbed in the stomach. “How can you do this to me, Gwen?”  _

 

_ “This is so stupid, it was nothing….” She tried to say, already crying. _

 

_ “That’s even worse! You were willing to throw away all our plans and what we had together for ‘nothing’? Is that how much I mean to you?” _

 

_ “No, Blake, that’s not…” _

 

_ “I don’t wanna see you ever again. Get out of my house. I don’t care if you die, I don’t wanna hear from you. If I mean nothing to you, you’re gonna mean nothing to me from now on.” _

 

_ I turned my back at her, hoping that she got the message. She sobbed a little and resigned, letting out a deep ragged breath. _

 

_ “I’m just gonna say this: think about who would have wanted to send you these pictures.” Gwen began, her voice barely more than a whisper. “If you don’t wanna hear from me, I’m not gonna bother you again. I’ll disappear and leave you alone, but I may not be here when you realize this is a mistake.” _

 

_ She closed the door behind her and I grabbed the nearest bottle of vodka. To numb the pain.  _

 

I woke up with a bitter taste in my mouth. It wasn’t the first time I had a dream about that night. But it was the first that I had to face Gwen right after.

 

Although we had an amazing time here at the ranch, Aurora’s fall left a mark on me. Luckily, on the next day she was perfect again, jumping and playing like nothing had happened. But it was impossible to erase that memory off my head. I was finally getting to know the scary side of parenthood. 

 

I thought Gwen was going to be so mad… I should have checked with her if it was alright if I bought the pony for Aurora. Stupid me. But I saw them, remembered how much my baby girl loved the stuffed animal I gave her, and thought it was a perfect gift. Words cannot describe the regret I felt when I say my angel cry. I would give every penny in my bank account, everything I owned, to have the power to take that pain away from her and put it on me. 

 

But Gwen was such an wonderful parent that not even once she blamed it on me. It was quite the opposite; she talked me through the guilt and reassured me it wasn’t my fault. That it could happen anytime, anywhere, and sometimes it’s out of our hands. 

 

I almost threw my plan out the window to kiss her that night. 

 

She was so perfect, so close to me…. But she wasn’t ready. It killed me to walk away from her for the second time, but she had to want this with every fiber of her being. She had to be all in. So I mustered a strength I didn’t know I had and went to sleep. A bunch of times I could see her almost saying something, almost getting closer… At night, when we watched TV with the kids, she would get closer and closer, until the four of us are almost on top of each other. But she never said anything more concrete. I wanted to reach her out so bad… Cold showers were always how I ended the night. Every gaze she threw into my direction was matched with the same amount of need, but I couldn’t do anything. She knew I was there to catch her when she falls, but I couldn’t take the leap for her. 

 

The week went by in a mix of boat rides, kids laughing and furtive looks between me and her. Before we knew it, it was Friday already, and tomorrow we were going to leave Oklahoma. But first, the kids had the sleepover at my mom, with Jace and Ryan, Endy’s children. She arranged their backpacks but preferred to stay at the ranch while I drove them there. She didn’t say why; I didn’t ask. 

 

It was pouring rain when I managed to get back. I even stopped by the energy generator to see if it was working properly in case the power runs out. It’s not enough to keep the whole house working, but at least a few lights should be on in case the storm gets worse. 

 

When I entered the house, I understood why she wanted to stay: she had made us dinner. 

 

“I wanted to do something special. As a thank you gift. It should be ready in a couple minutes.” She said with an apologetic voice, as if she suddenly regretted putting herself out there. I loved it. With a smile, I left the car keys on the shelf by the door, taking my hat off and running my hand over my hair to tame my unruly curls.

 

“I appreciate it. I’m starving.” She smiled because I didn’t make her feel uncomfortable about her gesture. “While we wait, how about a wine?” I wanted to match her actions so she didn’t think she was too bold. I wanted her bold. I wanted her honest. I wanted a resolution. She nodded, accepting my suggestion. I went to the cellar and she headed for the living room to put some music on. 

 

“Ohh, do you remember this song? It used to be our favorite.” She exclaimed the minute  _ Tennessee Whiskey,  _ by Chris Stapleton, started playing. I did remember the song. I recalled all the times we made love listening to it. I’d kiss her body and say that she was  _ smooth as tennessee whiskey, sweet as strawberry wine  _ and she would completely fall apart in my hands.

 

I approached her and handed her the wine glass, from which she took a long sip without taking her eyes off me. 

 

“Dance with me?” I extended my hand and she took it, leaving her wine glass above the fireplace. I glued our bodies together, taking a turn to also leave my glass next to hers. Now, with both my hands free, they could wander. She crossed her arms behind my neck and I did the same on her back, occasionally traveling up and down her spine. We moved along with the melody, just enjoying the moment, our eyes never leaving each other.

 

When the music ended, too soon for my taste, it kinda bursted out our bubble. We both took a deep breath, reaching for our wine glasses. I sat down on the couch and she followed me, bringing her legs up and on the side of her body, rotating her torso so she could face me. 

 

“I was looking for a baking tray in your cabinet and found that old ice cream machine… Apollo will be pissed that we didn’t make ice cream this time.” She said, nostalgic.

 

“Really? That thing is still here?” She confirmed. “Remember when we screw up the recipe one time and they turned out too hard? Nobody could eat anything and they got so mad…” I said, laughing.

 

“And Kingston smashed his against the floor and the damn thing almost left a mark on the tile!” She added, throwing her head back laughing. “How did we manage to screw a  _ kids recipe _ ?”

 

“We were that special.” I meant as ‘dumb’, but she took the other meaning and the laughter slowly died down, being replaced by a more serious atmosphere. 

 

“We really were.” She concluded, focusing her gaze at my right dimple. We stayed in silence a couple moments, drinking our wine. Which, by the way, was starting to show its signs. I loved when Gwen’s cheeks turned a shade darker of red, the alcohol warming her body just a little bit. 

 

“And now are making memories like this one with our daughter….” I changed a little the subject. “I never even thought I could be a dad, but now I realize it's all I ever wanted.”

 

Gwen didn’t comment right away. She emptied her glass, looking the other way, suddenly frustrated. Then, she looked at me. “Would you be happy if we stayed like this? Like if nothing changed?”

 

What did she mean by that? Like if nothing ever happens between us? Her eyes were indecipherable and it took me a moment to reply. Yeah, I would. Of course I wanted her, but if she decided it was too much for her to forgive, I’d rather have her as a friend at least than nothing at all. 

 

“Well.... Yeah.” As soon as these words left my lips, she stood up with a resentful look on her face.

 

“I’m… I’m gonna check the lasagna.” She said in an almost whisper and bolted to the kitchen. I followed her, confused. What was I missing?

 

“Gwen, what just happened? What did I say?”

 

“Nothing. Let’s just eat.” She answered, with her back turned at me. 

 

“No. Talk to me. Did I say something wrong?” 

 

She left the lasagna on the stove top and threw the kitchen glove by its side, exasperated. 

 

“What the hell do you want me to say, Blake?” She exploded, throwing her arms in the air. “What the fuck do you want? I’m scared, I’m terrified! You come at me like a sledgehammer, you kiss me and then you run away, you say you want me but then you stand me up for dinner… I told you I kissed Luke and you didn’t even care!”

 

“Is that what you think?” I shot back. “That I didn’t care about your kiss with the chef guy?”

 

“Well, yeah! You didn’t say a thing, I told you it meant nothing for me… You had the chance to kiss me twice since then and nothing!” She took a deep breath. “Maybe… maybe you thought you had to get me back to be with Aurora… I don’t know, because I ran away the first time you thought this was the only way you could be sure you would be in her life… But now you know there's no need…” She lowered her head, unable to look at me. I was in shock. “Maybe you wanted the whole family idea… Maybe you love that scenario, but it doesn't mean you love  _ me.”  _ She added the last part in a low voice, almost scared to say those words. 

 

Was that the way she was interpreting my distance? I thought she needed space, she needed time to think.... I told her I was here, waiting, that she could take the time she needed, and I would always be here. How could I make her sure that those things she was feeling couldn’t be farther from the truth? 

 

Before I could answer, she shook her head and breathed out a “I…. I need some air” and got out of the house. 

 

“Gwen, wait! It’s raining!” I ran towards her, going outside too and reaching her arm, making her turn around to face me. “No, now you are going to listen to me!” I exclaimed, angry. Two seconds underneath the rain and we were already soaking wet.  "How can you  _ possibly _ think I don't love you? Are you blind?” I shouted. She just stared at me, her breathing ragged. “How is it possible that you don't see that everything I do is _ for  _ you and  _ because _ of you?" I ran my hands through my face, trying to clear my sight, but it was raining too much. “It took  _ everything  _ I had not to freak the fuck out in front of you when I heard you saying that you kissed that damn guy! It completely  _ shattered  _ my heart not to kiss you every time I could!”

 

I took a series of deep breaths, trying not to cry. I needed to get this out of my chest. “I thought I was giving you space. I thought… I thought if I came on to you too strong, you would spin. But I was always here. I’ll  _ always  _ be here, waiting. If you’re 90 and then you decide that only then would be the right time, I’d still be here.” She was dead frozen in place. I cupped her jaw with my hands, approaching her. “I should have chased you… I should have looked harder for you… All this time I kept my love for you here inside. Sometimes it was easy to carry, sometimes it had the weight of the whole world. I should have said all the things I was feeling, I should have made you believe…” 

 

She closed her eyes, covering my hands with hers, leaning into me. I felt her body sob and I realized we were both crying. “Yes, I would be happy if things stay this way, but only because I’d rather have you this way, if the only other option was to never see you again.” I rested my forehead on hers, closing my eyes too. “I don’t have enough words to say how sorry I am, Gwen… I keep reliving that night and every time I wish I had the power to turn back time. I can’t believe how naive, how stupid I was… I don’t have an excuse for my behavior. I wish I could say this was all Miranda… I was the wrong one for believing in her and not in you. But I can promise you, I will never,  _ ever,  _ make that mistake again. I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to you.” 

 

“I thought… I thought you had changed you mind…” Gwen opened her eyes, speaking in an insecure voice. 

 

“I kept Halo, I kept the sunflowers…. I kept all the little reminders of you this entire time. Gwen, I will  _ never  _ change my mind about you.” Staring deep into her eyes, I added: “I can’t love you anymore than I already do.” 

 

Then, it happened. She closed the distance between our lips and I thought I was going to die from joy. We spoke everything words couldn’t express with that kiss. Her hands flew to my dripping wet hair and I plastered my body on hers, wishing I could cut open my body and keep her inside of me forever. 

 

Our tongues danced around each other like old friends meeting again, to the rhythm of our heartbeats. This time it wasn’t out of anger, out of need, out of desperation. It was out of love. I wasn’t afraid of getting slapped again; she wasn’t afraid to let me in. We had finally made amends and were free to give in to this feeling. 

 

The kiss grew filthier, waking in me parts long asleep. Her nails were scratching the nape of my neck and I couldn’t help but moan into her mouth. My hand craved for her skin, so reached that spot between her waist and her pants and started to make my way up from under her shirt. Her hair was glued to her face and she started shivering, but I didn’t know if it was because of the cold rain of because of my touch. 

 

The rain was merciless over us, making us soaking all the way to the bone. Suddenly I realized she could get sick from being out here, so I lifted her up on my lap, without ever parting our mouths.This was the farthest I wanted to be from her for as long as I could.

 

Now that I got her, I’d die before letting her go again. 

 

I wanted to show her how I missed her, her skin, her lips, her scent. I wondered if she was still sensitive on that little spot behind her ear, but at the same time I couldn’t wait to rediscover all of her. I needed her like the air to breathe. I wasn’t kidding when I said I would spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to her. Tonight we would begin our forever. 

 

The storm got worse and it was time to go back to safety. I adjusted her on my lap and she crossed her legs on my waist, taunting a contact between my erection and her center that almost made me go insane. It had the same effect on her, apparently, because she moaned hard and threw her head back.

 

“C’mon, let’s go inside. You’re gonna catch a cold in this rain.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wonder what's gonna happen next! HAHAAHAH
> 
> So, what did you guys think?


	13. Tonight I wanna drive so far we'll only find static on the radio

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I was a little mean to keep you guys hanging like that, right? *evil laugh* But here it is! I wanted to be very slow burn and classy at the same time. This scene means so much to the story, I wanted to make it the most memorable one. I hope I was able to do that. 
> 
> I wrote almost the entire thing listening to Heartbeat - Carrie Underwood. It's an amazing song and it works perfectly with the chapter, so, if you can, give it a listen!
> 
> Also, I wanna to thank the amazing Bea (@RocketShip726) for all the ideas and for always being there for me, weather she is in the middle of lunch or it's 2am and she just got back home. You're everything to me, baby! I couldn't have done this without you! The rain scene was her idea, so you guys should thank her too <3
> 
> Lastly: Tay, this one is for you too. You know what this means *wink*

Blake carried me inside to get us out of the rain on his lap, like I didn’t weigh a pound. We had our little _The Notebook_ moment, getting rid of our soppy clothes in the process, leaving a trail of water and Indistinguishable pieces of fabric all over the house behind us. We didn’t know where we were going because kissing was more important than seeing, but it resulted on my back hitting a pillar and later a cabinet. I let out a _oof_ and Blake whispered an “I’m sorry” into my mouth.

 

I wanted to kiss every inch available of Blake’s skin, as if this was my last chance to do so. I knew we had an eternity to re-learn each other’s bodies, but I wanted everything right there on the spot. We finally parted our lips, only to take turns kissing and biting necks and earlobes. It took us several minutes and a few wrong turns, but we managed to get into his bedroom.

 

It had been a long time since I last did this, so I didn’t quite remember what sex feels like. I wasn’t prepared for the overload of sensations taking over my body. I should be cold from the rain, but I was burning up. I should be out of breath from the kisses, but I needed so much more of them. He pinned me to the wall for support and I let my head rest on it while she left bite marks all over my neck.

 

Then it hit me. _It had been a long time since I last did this._ I stopped moving all of a sudden, which freaked Blake out. He backed his head away to face me.

 

“What happened?” He asked with a concerned look on his face. “Am I hurting you?”

 

“No, that’s not it. It’s just…” I was so embarrassed. How do I tell the man I’m about to have sex with that I don’t sleep with someone in almost eight years?

 

“Do you want to stop? We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.” He tried to put me down, but I didn’t let him.

 

“No, never!” He smiled, thankful. I must be tomato red right now. “It’s… Oh my God, how can I say it… It’s been a while... I don’t wanna let you down…”

 

“How long?” He asked and I looked down, ashamed to answer that. “Not since...? _Ever_?” I shook my head no, biting my lip. “I mean, I knew you haven’t had a boyfriend, but maybe something casual…”

 

“Four kids, remember?” It was all I managed to say in a strangled voice.

 

“My God, this is all my fault. I’m so sorry, sunflower…” His old nickname for me slipped out of his lips and I gasped, surprised, snapping my head up.

 

“Say it again.”

 

“Sunflower?” I nodded. “My sunflower…” He whispered to my ear, evoking goosebumps all over my skin.

 

He carried me to bed, where he placed me as if I was the most delicate piece of art he’s ever handled. I was only with my underwear left, pink bra and panties. He still had his pants on, but the shirt was gone. He quickly got rid of his jeans and tossed them aside, making a puddle of water on the floor. Left only with his boxers, he returned to the bed, slowly approaching me.

 

“You know… I did the math just now…” He began kissing my feet and making his way up on me. “Looks like I owe you a million orgasms to make it up for all those years…” He said in a low, husky voice and I shivered. “and I'm gonna give you each one of them."

 

 _Shit._ He looked like a man on a mission, adoring every bit of skin with kisses until he reached my chest. I arched my back to give him access to the hook of my bra, which he quickly undid, and I lowered its straps, taking my arms off of it, but not revealing my nipples just yet. I felt like I was hooked on a high wire. Every feather of a touch from his hands was like a shock in my system.

 

Carefully and _oh-so_ slowly, he removed them, exposing my breasts. He let out a small moan and dove in, working them up with kisses and his teeth until they were both hard and swollen. I grabbed his hair, arching my back again to be even closer to his mouth.

 

He started going down, biting all over my stomach and making me gasp and giggle. His beard was making me ticklish and sensitive, as if this was waking up my terminal nerves. He looked up and smiled, but when he was about to take off my panties, we heard a loud thunder the whole house went dark.

 

“What was that?” I asked, lifting my torso and supporting my weight in my elbows.

 

“I don’t know, must be a lightning bolt on the power station. My generator should start working soon.” He answered, and in fact some of the lights came back, but not all the way. He tried to get out of the bed and I grunted in protest, reaching his neck and holding him over me.

 

“Where do you think you’re going?” I asked, impatient.

 

He laughed. “I’m just gonna light a few candles.”

 

“We don’t need them.”

 

“Yes we do. I wanna see you. All of you.”

 

I blushed. Thank God it was dark. “No, don’t… We can see each other later. We have all night and the power should come back soon, right?”

 

I mean, I was 47 years old and this body had gestated four children. One thing was to wear bikinis with shorts, other was to be completely naked and this close to him. I didn’t want him to see _everything_ just yet.

 

“Gwen, c’mon. It’s me. It’s _us_. You have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of.” He said, looking deep into my eyes, sounding so sure that it gave me confidence. ”But if you don’t want to, I won’t push. I just wanna be with you in any way you let me.” He kissed my lips again, leaving me breathless, and resumed to his previous activity: taking off my lingerie.

 

He grabbed both sides of my underwear and made his way all through my feet, watching his own moves like he was hypnotised. I slipped off one foot at a time and he left it on the floor, next to his pants. His hands travelled up my legs, opening them up so gently. He placed kisses on my inner thighs and I shivered.

 

“I can’t wait to find out if you’re still as _sweet as strawberry wine_ over here…” He kissed the top of my pussy and my eyes went to the back of my head. Then, he stretched my legs even wider, exposing all of me. His breath sent a breeze of cold air on my center and I was hanging on to sanity by a thin, thin thread.

 

He licked my clit one time and practically had to pin me to the bed. I went insane and he just kept going, showering my pussy with kisses specially designed to send me over the edge. I wasn’t even making sense, curses and moans flying out of my lips like a prayer for him to _not stop, don’t ever stop_. I didn’t have the time to be coherent, I was busy flying off a cliff.

 

He threw his teeth on the mix, lightly scraping my clit, just a little of bit of the edge I used to like when we were together. I felt a tingle in my lower abdomen and I before I could realize, I was seeing stars. It has been so long that I forgot what it felt like to reach climax, but _oohhhh,_ I’ll be damned if Blake didn’t remind me just now.

 

I screamed his name and tugged his hair hard, riding off the wave like a mad woman. He waited until I calmed down to stop and lick his lips, looking like a boy that just had the most amazing ice cream ever.

 

“Well, it’s safe to say that you still are. Even sweeter, I think.” He said and I melted. “But I think you can give me one more, don’t you?” I didn’t even have time to say no. I mean, I didn’t even _want_ to say no. I was having the time of my life here.

 

He went back to my center, this time with his fingers. We entered one at first, then another, stretching me and hitting all the sweet spots inside of me. I grabbed the first thing I found, a pillow, to anchor myself on Earth. Blake continued his sweet torture with his fingers on me, but now he laying down on my side whispering sweet nothings in my ear.

 

“I can’t believe I’m finally seeing you this lost in pleasure, my sunflower… I could die the happiest man in the world right now.”

 

“Blake, oh my God….”

 

“You’re about to cum again, aren’t you?” I didn’t answer, only grunted in response. “Do it for me, cum again for me, I wanna see your eyes going foggy…” He increased speed and I gasped, arching my back. “Cum, my sunflower…”

 

My world shattered in a million pieces and I swear I could hear fireworks at a distance. It took a good few minutes for me to come down my high. Blake licked his fingers, with a naughty smile on his face, and came over me again.

 

I thought I was prepared enough for this moment but, as Blake slowly made his way into me, I realized I wasn’t. There’s _no way_ anyone could be ready for the rush of feelings that took over me. The contact of his skin on mine, his scent of rain in the woods and his eyes in a deep dark shade of blue… all together created a emotion that could only be described with _heaven._

 

“Is this good? Am I hurting you?”

 

I couldn’t bring myself to form any words. I just nodded and put my hands on his shoulders. He smiled and began kissing my neck, maintaining a slow and steady pace.

 

“You don’t wanna talk? Ok, then…” He chuckled and I was too gone in the moment to give him a funny reply. When I got used to the sensation, I craved my nails on his skin, just the way I remembered he liked it, and I got the reaction I was hoping for. He groaned and pick up speed.

 

We was pounding me harder now, holding me by the waist and bringing me down to his dick, matching the strength of his hips. I crossed my feet behind his back to increase the contact and he practically howled. He pulled me to him and now I was virtually sitting on top of him. That position enhanced the friction on my clit and it was _so, so good._

 

“You’re so beautiful right now, baby… I wish I could tattoo this moment on my brain forever.” He stared deep into my eyes and caressed my cheek with his thumb before adding. “I love you so much, my sunflower….”

 

This is what I needed to reach climax again. I arched my back and hugged him tight, clenching my insides. He grunted and soon we were jumping off a cliff together.

 

\------------------

 

The rain had dialled down and now it was a little more than a drizzle.The power was back on, but the room was in the dark, with only the light of the hallway throwing shadows in our direction.  We stayed on the bed and didn’t bother with clothes, just layed there on each other’s arms, listening to our own heartbeats. My head was on his chest, and I was on my side, hugging his midriff and drawing lazy circles with my finger on his skin. He was on his back, with an arm across my back, keeping me close.

 

He kissed the top of my head and stayed there one second longer, breathing my scent.

 

“This is nice.” I stated.

 

“Nice?” He repeated. “Try something like _dream_.” I smiled like a fool.

 

“Can I ask you a question?” I asked, lifting my head to face him.

 

“This is the best and worst time for you to do it, because in the state I’m in I’ll probably say yes to anything and spill all my secrets.” Blake answered with a smirk and I laughed out loud.

 

“It’s not like this, silly. I was just wondering… Remember when we came back from your mother’s house and Apollo was acting all sour?” He nodded. “I heard you guys talking that night. He asked if you still loved me, but I chickened out and didn’t wait to hear your reply. Now I’m curious.”

 

“Listening behind doors, huh?” He teased me.

 

“Guilty as charged.” I confessed

 

“I said I love you. That I had made some mistakes and was trying to fix them so you could love me again.”

 

“That’s sweet. And what did he say?”

 

“That brownies could help you forgive me.” Oh my God, Apollo was too cute. I laughed.

 

“Well, my baby knows me too well. I know I already forgave you, but I wouldn’t say no to brownies.”

 

“Are you kidding me? I’ll send a truckload to you house as soon as we get back. I’ll spend my whole life apologizing.”

 

I nodded my head, trying to erase the smile off my face, but it was impossible. “You’re crazy.”

 

“I would be if I let you slip away one more time. I have to make sure that the good Lord takes me away before that happens.” He lunged forward his head to place a sweet kiss on my lips and I felt like a teenager with her first crush.

 

“What are we gonna tell the kids?”

 

“I don’t think we should tell them right away.” _Oh._ I wasn’t expecting that. He saw I took it the wrong way and he tightened his embrace around me to prevent me from getting up. “No, that’s not what I meant. I’m 200% in and I will be till the day I die. But it really hurt to see that you were thinking that I only wanted you so I could be close to Aurora. I want you for _you_ , not because you’re the mother of my child.”

 

I was relieved to hear him say that. I also didn’t want to tell them just now, but I was afraid that it might hurt Blake’s feelings. It was so comforting to see him thinking the same way.

 

“And to think about it… We have to test the waters, right? Let’s date for a while, see how it all turns out.”

 

“Honestly, dear… I’m in no rush. I’ll wait for as long as it takes. I wanna do this right because I wanna be old and cranky yelling with the neighborhood kids with you baking pies in the kitchen. I wanna a house full of our kids and grandkids. I want a life with you and I already wasted eight long years.”  

 

I wanted those things too. I went up on the bed to be in the same eye level as him. Fondling his hair, I looked straight into his eyes. “Just so you know… I love you too.” His face lit up like a Christmas tree and he placed an affectionate kiss on my lips

 

“That’s good, because you’re stuck with me.”

 

I smiled and we stayed in silence for a moment, just sharing that intimacy. But his hand going up and down my back was giving me too many ideas.

 

“You know… This is probably the last time we will be kid-free for a while..” I started, stretching my body to touch all I could of his. “We should make the best of it.”

 

He smiled and swifted our positions, diving in to kiss my neck and we stopped talking.

 

The sun was rising when we finally were too tired to do anything else besides sleeping. We had another round, after that the hunger spoke louder and we suddenly remembered an untouched lasagna in the kitchen. We ate from one single plate wearing only our underwear, with me sitting on his lap and, as soon as we finished, Blake carried me on his lap to the bedroom again, where we made love until late hours of the night. As result, we ended up late to pick up the kids and board the plane to fly back to LA. We left the house a mess, and Blake would probably have a lot to explain to the housekeeper.

 

But I couldn’t bring myself to regret it. I was the happiest person on Earth right now. Actually, _we_ were the happiest people on Earth. We were driving to Dot’s house and every time we’d glanced at each other, we’d smile and giggle like teenagers.

 

“Oh my God, stop it!” I exclaimed the next time Blake did that, punching jokingly his arm. “We are the worst at hiding, how did I agree on this? We are so getting caught…”

 

“I can’t help it, sunflower… I just can’t believe that I get to do this again…” He grabbed my hand and kiss it so gently while driving his truck.

 

We were still giggling when we rang his mom’s doorbell, suddenly turning serious to try disguising it when we heard footsteps on the other side of the door. We were greeted by four children jumping up and down at us. They were still on their pajamas, and jelly stains on some of their cheeks told me that they were probably eating breakfast. We kissed Ryan and Jace first and they went back to the kitchen.

 

“Hi, guys! How was the sleepover?” I asked, smiling at their happiness.

 

”Mommy!!! It was awesome! Ryan and I played _dress up_ with grandma’s clothes! She let us!” Aurora answered. Oh, _poor Dot._ Her closet must be a mess right now.

 

“That’s great, honey! How about you, Apollo?” I turned to my youngest boy.

 

“I loved it, mommy! Are you sure we have to go?”

 

“Yes, baby. Now you two go finish your breakfast so we can head to the airport.”

 

We followed them to the kitchen, where Dot and Mike were. Blake and I tried to keep our distance, sitting far from each other, but there was a stupid smile plastered across our faces and it wouldn’t go away.

 

A couple hours later, we were boarding the plane to go home. A thousand questions and still a ton of things to figure out. How we would manage to see each other without raising questions from the little ones? Could I trust Blake like I used to before? Would he fit into my life once again? Last night was just the tip of the iceberg. But as I looked around, to Aurora and Apollo drawing together, perfectly content and happy, and to a very loved-up cowboy with shiny eyes, I decided it was worth the try.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... ~that scene~ lived up to your expectations? Tell me! 
> 
> Also, now I'm gonna take a break and focus on Something Worth Saving, since you greedy babies got like 4 chapters in a row from this one, hahaah


	14. Oh tell me it gets easier… that I'll figure it out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning: this is a VERY intense chapter. I'm not kidding: I cried writing it. So brace yourselves.

For 11 days, I lived the life I’ve always wanted. I would work all day, come back and have dinner at Gwen’s house, along with her and Aurora. As a family that we were. We would watch movies or play games, just the three of us, laughing and sharing a lot of beautiful moments. Gwen and I always kept our distance, being careful not to touch each other in front of Aurora not to raise suspicions and unwanted questions. But it was hard not to tell how happy and in love we were.

 

God, I had missed the sound of her laugh so much. 

 

On bedtime, I’d put Aurora to sleep with our usual bed ritual: talk and music. Her favorite nowadays was I Hope You Dance, by Lee Ann Womack. I had bought a pink guitar for her and on our spare time we would practice some songs together. Being a child of two music stars, she was a natural. Her voice was already on key with minimal training and she’d hit the guitar chords like she already knew them. Looked like we would have another musician in this family. She would take the world by storm with a simple flick of her eyelashes. I usually sang until she fell asleep. 

 

But the minute I closed the her bedroom door behind me, it was adult time. We had so much to relive and I was serious about making it up to all her lost orgasms over the years. I had no intention whatsoever to let her be anything less than 1000% happy with me. I wanted her all the way up with me because I had already put her through too much. I would gladly lay across the floor and let her walk all over me. 

 

Every time we made love, an overwhelming feeling of joy and fulfillment took over my body. I couldn’t get enough of her. I cursed myself for being so stupid to the point of letting her go once. But if I was something on this life, that thing was  _ redeemed.  _ Only a special kind of idiot wouldn’t do anything in his power to preserve this relationship until the end of days. 

 

“You know… There’s something we haven’t tried yet…” Gwen whispered in my ear and I backed my head to look at her naughtily.

 

“Do you mean...?”

 

“Oh my God, no! You pervert!” She pretended she was shocked by my subtle hint and playfully slapped my arm. “I was talking about shower sex… We can be a little louder there…” 

 

“I like the way you think, baby… Let’s go.” Without letting her think about it, I picked her up on my arms and she let out a little squirm of surprise. I quickly kissed her so she would stop making noises to wake our daughter.

 

“Shhh!” I scolded her, but couldn’t stop smiling.

 

We closed the bathroom door behind us and I put her on the ground so we could take off our clothes. She turned the water on and soon the place was filled with fog and water sounds running down. I approached behind her, pulling her hair aside to kiss her neck. She leaned in on me and gave me full access, her hands finding my head and tugging my hair. 

 

I know I’m a man and usually we are pretty confident about our bodies, but being with a goddess at 47 years old is not always the ego boost people seem to think. She was so fit and thin, as opposed to my beer belly, that sometimes I didn’t like her staring too long. What if she realizes she can do better and leaves me? 

 

But this is a shower and the lights were on, so I had to suck it up and try not to let that get in our way while I took of my button down maroon shirt and my jeans, along with the underwear. She did the same thing with her clothes, standing in front of me completely naked. 

 

It was quite an intimate moment, even though we were not touching each other, just looking. And she stared at me with such love and adoration on her eyes that I felt like a model. 

 

The fact that she was also looking at me like I was some tasty dish really helped too. 

 

“What?” She questioned.

 

“Nothing, just.. I love you.” Gwen melted, but didn’t buy my switch completely.

 

“Tell me.”

 

“It’s stupid.”

 

“You’re shy, aren’t you?” I didn’t answer. “You are probably thinking you don’t deserve me. Am I right?” She was approaching me, slowly, reading me like a book. “You are wondering what I see in you… Thinking that if I see your flaws I’ll bolt.” She closed our distance and kissed my chest, throwing her teeth in the mix. I couldn’t help but groan. “Let me show you why I just can’t resist you.”

 

She dropped on her knees in front of me, reaching for my dick, making my head spin. When she took me all at once in her mouth, I had to stand my ground not to fall over her. She worked on my dick like a pro, leaving me too close to the edge too soon. She licked and kissed all the way from my balls to the tip, and pretty soon I was breathless. 

 

In one quick motion, I swept her off the ground and took her to the shower, throwing both of us under the water. I didn’t let her gasp, before she realized my mouth was covering hers. Turning her around, I went inside her with a single thrust, steadying myself using the wall for support. She was always so tight… I could never get enough of her.

 

I wanted to do this sweet, but something took over me and I was out of control, pounding into her like an animal. She got the hint, feeling bold too, and leaned in, perking her cute little ass up.

 

“Damn it, woman… You’ll be the death of me.”

 

She just laughed and made it worse, meeting my thrusts halfway with the same amount of force. It didn’t take too long before both of us were holding on to each other for dear life while an overwhelming climax took over us. 

 

We put our pajamas practically half asleep and were completely knocked out before hitting the mattress.

 

Unfortunately, breakfasts weren’t something in our agreement. We weren’t ready to disclosure our rekindled romance to the world, so 6am was my deadline. Gwen would sneak me out of her house and my first meal of the day would be a sad coffee alone on a cafe nearby, dreaming with a future on which I could make them pancakes as husband and father. 

 

Overall, life was great. I mean, our little happiness bubble was great. But I should have known things wouldn’t be that easy. 

 

“Aurora… I had promised your mom I would bring her brownies… Do you know any good places to buy one?” I asked my baby girl one day, as we were driving home from the mall. She wanted a pink cowboy hat to match her boots my mother sent her, I was a father terrible at his job at saying ‘no’... you do the math. 

 

“Daddy, we could make them!! It will be so much fun!” She jumped on the back seat, her hat almost falling off her head. 

 

“Do you know how to bake a brownie?”

 

“No, but mom has a book full of recipes in the kitchen. We can find it! I’ll help mixing the flour and break the eggs!” Her excitement was contagious and I kinda liked the idea of the homemade brownies. It would make it so much more special. 

 

I didn’t know how use a mixer to save my life, but I guess I was about to learn.. 

 

We stopped by a supermarket to buy the things I thought we needed, praying that I didn’t forget anything. Gwen had left me with the key, since she was at the restaurant and I had Aurora, so it was perfect. We had plenty of time to make a mess and clean it up before she arrived. 

 

The only thing I didn’t count on was the fact that baking a brownie was a little more difficult than I predicted. Also, Aurora dropped eggshells two times inside the bowl and we had to start all over again. There was cocoa powder all over the kitchen and we were nowhere near of having a perfectly baked brownie. But we were having a lot of fun.

 

“Guys?” We heard Gwen’s voice from the front door and we both froze in place. “Are you home yet?” We didn’t answer and she came to the kitchen.. Her jaw dropped at the sight of the mess. Aurora and I had flour on our faces and we looked like someone caught with their hands on a cookie jar. 

 

“What in God’s name...?” Shock took over her expression, quickly followed by amusement. “It’s funny, you two have the same guilty look on your faces… Someone from outside might think you’re somehow related.” She said, laughing at us, and we ended up laughing too. 

 

“We are making you brownies, mommy!!! Daddy wanted to surprise you!” Gwen looked at me with heart eyes, almost making an “aww” sound. 

 

“Yeah, the only thing I didn’t know is that you have to be a scientist to figure out this recipe.”

 

“That’s why you have flour everywhere  _ except  _ the bowl?”

 

“Maybe.” She threw her head back, laughing out loud. “Oh, do you think this is funny? Aurora, your mom is making fun of us. Are we going to let her?”

 

She looked at me conspicuously. “No, daddy!”

 

“What do you suggest, then?” I said, slowly going around the counter to approach Gwen. She was totally onto us, but played along too, pretending she was scared and walking backwards towards the hall. Aurora followed me, smooth as a giant, walking toe to toe.

 

“I suggest… we make her TICKLE!” 

 

When she said that, we both ran to Gwen, grabbin her by the waist and making her laugh. I took advantage of the situation and took my time touching her, using it as an excuse to feel her near me. She was crying for laughter, begging for mercy. 

 

We were in the middle of our little play when the doorknob twisted, as if someone were going in, and soon enough, the door opened, revealing two young men, Kingston and Zuma. They had just arrived from their trip sooner than expected.

 

We all froze, and it took me a moment to let go of Gwen’s body. We all adjusted ourselves as Aurora came running to hug them.

 

“King, Zums!” Gwen greeted, still a little embarrassed. “I thought you were coming tomorrow! Why didn’t you call me to pick you at the airport?”

 

“What is this?” Kingston asked, infuriated, looking straight at me. 

 

“We wanted to make a surprise, so we called uncle Todd. We thought we were going to be alone…” Zuma chimed in, surprised by the scene but not nearly as mad as Kingston.

 

“What is he doing here, mom? What is this?” Kingston asked again, closing his fists.

 

“King…” Gwen tried to begin, but she cut her. 

 

“I cannot believe this, mom! Are you serious?” Kingston shouted, scaring Aurora, who jumped back. “Are you just gonna take him back like nothing happened?” He was seeing had, completely outraged. Gwen was stunned in place, unable to have a reaction. He took of his backpack and threw it on the floor, opening the front door and storming out ot the place. 

 

She motioned forward, but I stopped her. 

 

“No, Gwen.. I have a long due talk with him. Let me go.”

  
  


I followed him outside, where he was pacing back and forth on the grass, kicking the ground and cursing. 

 

“There’s no need to take it off on your mother if you are really mad at me.” I said. He turned around at the sound of my voice and marched over me.

 

“You damn right I am mad at you!” She screamed, pointing a finger at my face. “How dare you come back like no time was passed and claim your way back to her side? After all you put her through you have the nerve…”

 

“I have apologized to her over and over again, and we are working it out.” I said, trying my best not to lose my temper. 

 

“Oh yeah? Have you apologized for leaving pregnant and alone? For making her so sad she didn’t want the leave the house for days? For letting her almost die giving birth to  _ YOUR DAUGHTER _ while you were off having fun with your new wife? Have you?”

 

“I have. I still am. I’ll spend the rest of my days saying how sorry I am, but I do deserve another chance.”

 

He paced around again, clearly torn between getting in trouble with his mother for hitting me or letting the anger take over him. But when he came back to face me, I found something I wasn’t expecting.

 

He had tears in his eyes. 

 

“What about us, huh? What about  _ me,  _ Blake? You were my hero!” He screamed at me and I felt every single word cut me like a knife. “You were the coolest guy ever to me, I loved you like a father, and one day you just… disappeared! On top of it all, Apollo wouldn’t stop asking about you at night, Zuma threw on the trash all his camo clothes and mom just…” He took a deep breath, trying to calm himself. “Mom just…. Lost her will to live. She was so sad… I’ve never seen her like this… I know I was young and she and dad divorced each other, but I’m sure she was never beaten down like she was when you left.”

 

It would have been better if he had punched me. His words left deep marks on my skin, and I was bleeding from sorrow. I would never be able to repair the scars I left on those boys. I wanted to jump off a bridge, deeply ashamed. 

 

"You know how hard it is to be 12 years old and see your mom so depressed and sick, having to be the man in the house and soothe your brothers because she didn't have the strength to get out of bed? Because I do. She may have not told you the hell we went through, but I will. I wished for you to be dead. I wished you had never entered our lives. I wish she had never met you, because you made our life a nightmare. She may have forgiven you, but don't expect it from me."

 

I didn’t have anything to say. I couldn’t. I should know better and walk away, I should leave this family alone, but I was too selfish to do that. 

 

“I want to make it up to you. To all of you. Tell me how to fix it.” That’s all I could say. 

 

He took a deep breath and looked me in the eye. Man to man. 

 

“You can’t. If mom wants to date you, fine. She can do whatever she wants. But don’t expect me to welcome you ever again. I’m not a kid anymore.”

 

He turned his back at me and left without another word. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do you think Kingston really meant it? Do you think there's a way of him forgiving Blake? Tell me!!!


	15. You never really understand ‘till you see it close up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter mostly fluffy and cute because sometimes I'm in a generous mood :D

“Kings, c’mon, let’s talk about it…. I miss you and you just got back from your trip…. Please…” I tried talking to Kingston through his door, but I got no reply. It was an eventful evening. Blake was visibly upset from his fight with my oldest and went home right after, asking if he could bring Aurora with him. It was for the best, because the poor thing was traumatized over all the screaming. It was the first time she’d seen her brother so angry, and was probably thinking that somehow it was her fault. So I packed a little suitcase for her and she went away on her dad’s arms.

 

I came down the stairs after having no luck with Kingston and found Zuma setting up his video game on the tv room. I sat down next to him and hugged his arm, feeling like a clingy little girl, but thank God he didn’t turn me away. He just kept playing, sometimes kissing the top of my head between one match and the other.

 

“Do you think I’m wrong, Zums?” I whispered.

 

“With the whole Blake thing?”. I hummed, agreeing. “Mom, to be honest…” He paused the game to look at me. “I won’t deny it was a bit shocking seeing him here. I don’t know what happened back then, all I know is that we all missed him and he never came back looking for us. That still hurts a little.” He stopped and took a deep breath. “He must have a good explanation for that, right?”

 

“It was a little my fault too… Keeping everyone far from him.”

 

“Are you happy, mom? I mean, now that he’s back.”

 

“I was, but I don’t want for this to be in between me and my kids. You and your siblings are my life and I’ll never jeopardize that.”

 

“Look, if you’re happy, then.. Let King be. He’ll come around eventually. God knows you’re in need of a boyfriend.”

 

“Zuma Nesta Rock!” I exclaimed, trying to pretend to be shocked but ended up laughing. He shrugged his shoulders, apologetic, grinning too. “Is that a way to talk to your mother?”

 

“Sorry, mommy…” I loved when he called me _mommy_ even after he had grown up. “For real now. The whole situation is weird, and I think that part of the reason why he’s so mad is that he really loved Blake and felt abandoned. We all did. But Kings was older, Apollo and I kinda went with the flow. It sucked not having him, but we got over that. As long as he treats you like you deserve, I’ll won’t be in your way.”

 

I looked at my middle child, impressed by how mature he was. “Aren’t you supposed to be like, a teenager? And say stuff like ‘ _ew, that’s gross, I don’t wanna know what my mom does’_ and all?”

 

He cracked up laughing. “My mom raised me right.”

 

I smiled, so proud. “Okay, now enough of this subject. Tell me about the trip!”

  


We stayed up chatting until late, when both of us were too tired to keep talking. During all this time, the only sign of Kingston was when he came down to grab a snack, but he quickly went back to his room the minute I tried talking to him.

 

I went to my bedroom and there was a missing call from Blake. I returned it right away, thinking that something could have happen to Aurora.

 

“Hi, I was downstairs. Is everything okay?” I blunted out as soon as he picked up the phone.

 

 _“Yeah baby, it’s fine. She is sleeping. I just wanted to talk to you.”_ He calmed me down.

 

“Oh, okay.” I sat in my bed, holding the phone between my shoulder and my head. “Kingston won’t talk to me.”

 

_“Fuck, Gwen, I’m sorry… I hate that I’m the one responsible for that. I guess I didn’t realize how much the kids were affected by our split....”_

 

“Yeah… Zuma is okay with it, Apollo obviously loves you… Kingston is just mad because he used to look up to you so much… He felt betrayed too.”

 

 _“The things he said to me… Gwen, if I was a bit smarter than I am, I should leave you guys alone. I don’t think he will ever forgive me.”_ His voice was so broken, so hopeless… it scared me.

 

“Hey, listen to me. Kingston will come around once he sees how happy I am, okay? He is just scared that the same thing could happen again, but not this time, right? This time we know better and you’re not gonna give up, are you?” _Please, please, agree with me on this one,_ I thought, but didn’t say.

 

 _“I should, but I can’t bring myself to do it. I’m that selfish and I want you to myself.”_ He confessed on a low voice.

 

“Let’s give him time. He just arrived… his reaction is natural, I guess. The important thing is that we are set on forever this time. Right?”

 

 _“The only way out of this is six feet down, baby.”_ He reassured me again and my heart got a little lighter.

 

“Good.”

 

_“But you should know… Aurora asked about why Kingston was so angry. She is onto us, I think.”_

 

“Oh no. What did you say to her?”

 

_“I dodged the ball for now, saying that Kingston was mad at me because when he was little I used to be around all the time and then I stopped visiting… But she is too smart to believe in this lie for a long time.”_

 

“It’s our fault for conceiving a genius.” We laughed together. “We should talk to her soon.”

 

 _“Yeah.”_ He agreed and then changed the subject. “ _So… This is the first time we’ll sleep apart since we got back together…”_

 

“Shit, don’t remind me… I miss you already.” I pouted. “I thought we had one more night before the boys arrived…”

 

_“From now on is going to be tricky…. But we’ll manage.”_

 

“Yeah.”

 

_“With everything that happened I almost forgot to tell you… The guys will throw a party to Carson tomorrow… He is recovering well from his surgery and so far the exams show no signs of the tumor growing back. I was thinking you could come too and we introduce Aurora to everyone. What do you think?”_

 

“Oh, Blake, that’s such great news!” I exclaimed, relieved. “Yeah, I’d love to come and see everyone again, but… Will we tell them?”

 

_“No, not for now. We’ll arrive separately, maintain our distance through the night… You know them, they are too nosy. They’ll bug us with all kinds of questions. We need to figure out this Kingston situation before adding more drama to our lives.”_

 

I laughed. “Okay. See you tomorrow, then? You’re gonna bring Aurora for a change of clothes first?”

 

_“I was thinking about taking her to the office to see where her dad works. We can stop by the mall and buy her a new dress and we’ll meet you there at the party.”_

 

“Oh, God, you’re gonna spoil her so much when I’m gone, aren’t you?” I had a meeting in Seattle in two days and Aurora was going to stay with him while I was there.

 

 _“Probably, yeah.”_ He agreed, laughing.

 

“I hate you, Blake Shelton!”

 

_“No you don’t, you love me.”_

 

“Well, that too.” I answered, giggling like a teenager.

  
  


Looked like everyone was already there when I arrived, following Blake’s directions on GPS. I got held back at the restaurant, but thankfully I wasn’t too late. I rang the doorbell, balancing a gift for Carson on one hand and a bottle of wine on the other, and Siri opened the door for me.

 

“Gwen, sweetie! I’m so happy you came!” She greeted me with a kiss on the cheek. “Come inside, everyone is at the backyard, completely swooning over your little girl.”

 

I smiled, proud. “Yeah, she is an angel.” I handed her the wine. “I brought this one from my cellar at the restaurant, it’s amazing. I hope you like it.”

 

“Thanks!! Now go over there and say hi to everyone. I’ll be right with you.”

 

I walked towards the door that led to the patio where they were, and the first person I saw was Blake. His face completely lit up when he saw me there. _Great job at hiding, Blake_ , I thought, but I was probably doing the same thing, because I just couldn’t stop smiling. I shook my head and went to say hi to everyone: Adam, Behati, Carson, Pharrell and Helen, along with some other producers from The Voice and the other shows Carson used to present. The kids were at a distance, playing all together.

 

They for sure picked up on something when I went to say hi to Blake, because I tripped on my heels and Blake had to hold me steady. I blushed and giggled and he let out a big laugh.

 

“Be careful, sunf…. Gwen.” I flinched when he almost said my old nickname. God, we were terrible at this. I looked over my shoulder and Adam had this big smile on his face. He knew it already. We were screwed.

 

The party kinda got divided into boys and girls, as the women were so excited to see me again and catch up on the news. As expected, they bombed me with questions and, without realizing it, I was constantly looking at Blake, because funny enough, we were sitting directly in front of each other across the room.

 

I guess is true what they say about love making you feel like that`s just the two of you in a room full of people.

 

“Now cut the crap, Gwen! Just tell us what the hell happened! You had his child and none of us knew about it?” Behati playfully slapped my arm and I drifted my attention to her.

 

“I’m so sorry for that, by the way. You guys know what happened back then… I was hurt so I packed everything and left. It wasn’t fair, I know…” I apologized, lowering my eyes.

 

“But now you guys are good?” Helen asked.

 

“He is amazing with Aurora, that’s all I care about.” I tried to dismiss the question.

 

“Riiiiight…” Siri chimed in, clearly not buying it.

 

“But there isn’t even the slightest chance of you two, you know…?” Behati threw that one in there and I blushed.

 

I saw that Blake stood up and was heading to the kitchen, so I wanted to go too and have two seconds alone with him. “Guys, there’s nothing to talk about. Nothing will happen. Now excuse me while I pour myself a drink to endure all this questioning!” They all laughed because I was the worst at deflecting.

 

I got to the kitchen, taking a deep breath with my hand on my forehead. I sensed a movement around me and when I lifted my gaze I saw Blake standing in front of me with a glass of wine for me in his right hand. I grabbed it and took a long sip of the alcohol.

 

“Rough night, huh? If it serves at any consolation, I’m getting the same treatment.” He whispered. Here inside we were protected from curious eyes so he fondled my cheek in a sweet gesture and I leaned in, thirsty for that contact.

 

“I want to kiss you so bad right now…” I whispered back, turning my face and placing a quick peck inside his palm.

 

“Do you want to come clean all at once? That way we don’t need to hide.”

 

“No, Aurora is here.”

 

“Alright.”

 

“Mommy!” We heard Aurora shout so we jumped apart. “Can we play in London’s bedroom?”

 

“Did you ask Siri, London’s mom? It’s her house.”

 

“Yes, she let us!” Aurora nodded.

 

“Okay then, but clean up after yourself.”

 

“Thanks mommy!” She hugged my waist and ran to find the other girls.

 

We got back to the party, which now was mixed again, but seeing them all in couples just made me miss Blake even more. I tried my best to pay attention to what Pharrell was telling me about his new music, or to Adam’s story about his European tour last fall…. But Blake was the sun to my planet, pulling me to his orbit. He moved, I moved. He laughed, my head snapped at his direction.

 

Until I couldn’t hold myself anymore. I texted him quick to meet me in the parking lot and excused myself saying that I needed to pick my portable charger in the car.

 

He got there a few moments after me and I jumped in his arms, kissing him deeply.. He met my need with the same intensity, pinning me to the side of my car with his hands on my waist traveling all the way to my ass, under my dress.

 

“This is a lot harder than I thought it would be…” I whispered, out of breath, after long minutes making out.

 

“Uhhh, naughty! You felt that, huh?” Blake looked at me with a devilish smile pointing down at his crotch and I lost it, laughing out loud.

 

“ _Oh my God!_ You stop it, Blake!” I tried to scold him but I was laughing too much. “I can’t believe you! I was talking about the situation, the party!”

 

“How the hell would I know?” He shrugged his shoulders, grinning from ear to ear. Jesus, it’s ridiculous how much I love this dork. “But you’re right, that is hard _too.”_

 

I shook my head, still laughing about his comment. “Alright, I’m gonna go back. You… take a couple minutes….” We just couldn’t stop smiling like little kids.

 

I headed to the party again, adjusting my dress and retouching my lipstick, thinking I was next-level sneaky. But when Blake emerged…

 

“Alright, what’s going on with you two?” Adam said out loud pointing at both of us, getting everyone’s attention in our little group.

 

“What? There’s nothing going on!” Blake avoided the question.

 

“Blake, you have lipstick on you face.” Behati said between giggles.

 

“Same color as Gwen’s, I noticed too…” Carson added.

 

He quickly tried to clean his mouth but it only made the situation worse, because everyone laughed. I shrugged my shoulders, thinking _‘well, the cat is out of the bag now’_ and went over to him, helping him clean the mess. He hugged my waist and kissed my forehead.

 

“I guess we were not as smooth as we thought…” I said in a shy voice.

 

“Not even a little!” Adam laughed. “Now spill the beans, c’mon.”

 

Blake looked at me before answering. “Well.. we are trying to work things out.” He began, looking at me, and I nodded, agreeing.  “It’s been going really good, but I haven’t told Aurora yet, that’s why we were trying to keep our distance.”

 

“I’m really glad you guys are trying to reconnect.” Pharrell gave his opinion. “Life tends to get in the way, as it happened before, but you guys look closer than ever now.”

 

I looked to Blake again and he placed a sweet kiss on my lips. “We really are.”

 

“Uhm, guys?” Behati called and pointed to the house. We followed her gaze and found Aurora, looking at us through the glass door. By the look of happiness in her face, she clearly had seen our little kiss. We also were hugging still, so there’s no way around it.

 

She ran to us and jumped in Blake’s lap, throwing her arms at both of our necks. “Yayyyyy my mommy and daddy are boyfriend and girlfriend!”

 

This was _so not the way_ I wanted to tell her, but if she was happy, I guess there’s no harm done.

  


We stayed at the party a little more, until Aurora began to sleep in Blake’s arms. He left his truck there and we drove back to my house in my car. Now that everyone knew, we didn’t need to hide anymore. He could sleep there with me.

 

I opened the door and Blake got through, carrying an already passed-out Aurora to her bedroom. But we didn’t even reach the stairs before hearing Kingston sarcastic voice coming from the kitchen, where he was looking at us.

 

“Sorry, don’t mind me. I’m not even here, so I’m not gonna _disturb your perfect family.”_

 

“That’s enough, Kingston!” I used my _mom voice_ with him and he froze on spot. Turning to Blake, I added. “Put Aurora in her room, I’ll be right up.”

 

He nodded and climbed the stairs. I turned my body again and headed to the kitchen, staring at Kingston. “And you, quit that attitude right there! Who the hell do you think you are?”

 

“Mom, c’mon, are you seriously trying to tell me that this guy is you boyfriend again? After everything that he did to you?”

 

“Who I date or not is not of your business! I don’t have to ask you for permission! You’re _my kid_ , not the other way around!” I scolded him, angry. But then I stopped and took a deep breath. “Look. I don’t need you to love him. I know you have your issues with him and that’s his work to fix it again. I just need you to tolerate him. Give him a chance to apologize.”

 

“Why should I do that?” His chin was up, challenging me.

 

“Because I’m really happy right now. That counts for something?” I said, unapologetic honest, which broke Kingston’s little act in half. He looked at me with wide eyes.

 

“You are, mom?”

 

“Yes, and if I was able to forgive him, you should at least hear what he has to say. It doesn’t mean that what he did before was right. But he is really focused on trying to make it work and fix his mistakes with me. I know he wants to do the same with you.”

 

He stayed in silence for a long time, just looking at his shoes, his mind probably going a hundred miles per hour. Then, out of the blue, he hugged me.

 

“I’m sorry, mom. I just…. When I saw him, it all came back, and I was so scared, mom… I don’t ever wanna see you again like that, never…”

 

“Oh, baby…” I brought his face up so he could look at me. “You won’t, I promise. We are different people now.” He nodded  Listen, I have to go to Seattle for a couple days. Aurora is going to stay at his house but you and Zums don’t need a babysitter so you can stay here. Your uncle Todd is going with me because of his share of the business so.. If you need, promise me you’re gonna call Blake.”

 

“Mom…”

 

“Promise, Kingston. Your grandfather is too old to be worrying about you two. Blake will be there for you, I guarantee you that.”

 

“Fine. Text me his number. I only have a couple gigs this weekend, I’ll probably won’t even need him.”

 

“Okay.” He gave me a goodnight kiss and went to his room.

 

When I arrived to my bedroom, Blake was looking at his phone, already under the covers, his back resting against the bedframe.

 

“Everything alright?” He asked, worried, placing his phone on the nightstand.

 

“Yeah, it’s fine. We had a little talk. It’s a small step, but a step nonetheless.”

 

“We have all the time in the world, I told you that. I’m not going anywhere. Once he sees that, we’ll change his mind.” Blake reassured me, hugging me from my back when I sat down in front of him.

 

“It’s just hard to fight with him, that’s all.” Without realizing, I used the word _hard_ , and Blake chuckled. Once I noticed, I laughed too.

 

“Speaking of hard things….” He turned me around, kissing my lips, and the talk was over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you guys think is going to happen now?


	16. No one can hurt all your feelings like you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Does anyone remember this old thing still? ahahaahah
> 
> Hope you guys like this chapter!

“Gosh mom, thank you so much for coming in. I was lost.” That was the way I greeted my mom once I saw her at the airport when I went to pick her up, adjusting a sleepy Aurora over my shoulder. 

 

I thought I had everything under control with Gwen away and Aurora under my care. I’ve done that before, right? Aurora stayed the night with me the day the boys came back and it was fine. But not this time. The day after Gwen went back to Seattle, Aurora started feeling ill. She had a fever that wouldn’t go away. I didn’t want to bother Gwen only to make her guilty for traveling, so I took my baby girl to the doctor. Apparently, it was just a cold, but I was out of my mind with worry. This was the pony situation all over again. 

 

So I called my mom, asking for help, and instead of talking me through this over the phone, she just said: “Send me the plane. I’m coming to LA.” And, honestly, I didn’t argue. By the end of the day, she was here. 

 

“Don’t worry about it, dear! I needed a distraction anyway, Mike was driving me insane with that football obsession of his.” She gave me a kiss and went to Aurora. “Besides, I missed my granddaughter!”

 

Aurora gave my mother a tired smile, clearly tired from the fever, but threw her arms at her neck, giving her a hug. “Grandmaaaa!” She said in a tiny voice. 

 

“Oh, my poor baby! You’re burning up!” She looked worried.

 

“I gave her the medicine the doctor recommended, but it’s not working.”

 

“She needs a good bath and a tea. C’mon, let’s go home.”

 

The power of Dorothy Shackleford was amazing. By bedtime, Aurora had no fever anymore and was able to eat a few spoons of a light soup. I let mom put her to bed while I finished tidying up the kitchen, and when she came back I had two glasses of wine waiting for us at the porch. 

 

“She is a bit better now, but we should keep a close eye on that fever. It was too high earlier.” She said, sitting down at a rocking chair next to me. 

 

“Do you think it’s better to take her to the hospital again? Maybe it’s something worse.” I was on the verge of jumping up to grab my keys but mom put a hand over my arm. 

 

“She is fine. Give her body sometime to fight back, baby.”

 

“Of course this had to happen on the day Gwen travels… Thank God you came to my rescue. I love you so much, mom.”

 

She laughed out loud. “You have it easy considering all the daily heart attacks you and your sister used to give me.” 

 

“Is this karma?” I asked, laughing. 

 

“Probably, son… You just wait until she gets home with a boyfriend.” 

 

I grunted, throwing my head back. I didn’t want to think about my sweet baby girl dating some punk. Maybe I’ll have to scoop up my gun again. “Please, don’t remind me. I’m having nightmares already.”

 

She let out a small chuckle and we stayed in silence for a couple moments, just enjoying each other’s companies. We finished our wine, gazing at the night sky. I caught myself thinking about all the times Gwen was alone and one of her children was sick. How does she do it? I can barely keep Aurora in one piece without calling my mom in tears. I wasn’t capable of raising four on my own like she did. 

 

How many times she felt desperate, hopeless, forgotten? How many times did Aurora get sick and Gwen thought it was my fault that she had to deal with this by herself? Every day a new thing would come up to remind me how lucky I was to have her forgiveness. 

 

“Do you know what’s worse, mom?” She hummed, lifting her head to look at me. “All I can think about is Gwen alone with four children. I want to kick myself in the butt for leaving her.”

 

“Oh, Blake…” She reached for my arm and stroke it, comforting me. “Don’t be too hard on yourself for something you can’t do nothing about. Focus on the present. On how you can help now.”

 

“I don’t deserve her.”

 

“Of course you do. Don’t be silly.”

 

“She is so strong… I’m a pathetic little guy that let someone else take him for a fool.”

 

“And you are even stronger for recognizing your mistakes and going after you want. It takes courage to admit that you were wrong. Not many people have what it takes.”

 

I didn’t answer right away, letting the words sink in. I can only hope she’s right and that Gwen thinks that too. 

 

“Thanks, mom.” 

 

“Speaking of Gwen… How are things with her?” I opened my brightest smile just at the sound of her name and my mom completely swooned over me. “That good, huh?”

 

“We are working things out. It’s been pretty good lately.” I frowned, remembering Kingston. “Well, as good as it can be.”

 

“Why is that?”

 

“Kingston, her oldest. He is so mad at me… I never thought he could hate me so much.”

 

“He doesn’t hate you, Blake.”

 

“He sure makes it seem like he does. He said I used to be his hero and I walked away without looking back at them.” 

 

“Do you still have that-”

 

“Yeah,” I interrupted her, knowing that it was impolite but I didn’t want to hear what she had to say. “But I can’t show it to him right now. It’s not the right time yet.”

 

Suddenly, I heard my phone ring. I looked at the screen and saw Gwen’s gorgeous smile. 

 

“Go ahead”, my mom incentivated me. “I’m going to bed anyways. Goodnight, baby.” 

 

“Sleep tight, momma.” She gave me a kiss on the cheek and went upstairs to her room. I waited for her to leave and answered the call. “Hey, sunflower.”

 

_ “Hi…” _ She replied on that shy, girlish voice that I loved.  _ “Is everything okay?” _

 

“It is now, but you won’t believe the day I had.’ She chuckled. “Aurora has a cold. Nothing major, don’t worry. I already took her to the doctor. But I chickened out and my mom had to come help.” 

 

_ “Oh, poor Blakey, first time alone with a sick child.” _ She mocked me. _ “How is she?” _

 

“She is doing better now. She had a fever that wouldn’t go away, despite going being medicated.”

 

_ “Oh, give her a bath and….” _

 

“Give her some tea? Yeah, I know that  _ now. _ ” She laughed at the other end. “Seriously, don’t worry. She is all better now and my mom is here. I didn’t even wanna tell you before everything was taken care of so you wouldn’t be bothered.”

 

_ “I trust you, Blake.” _ She said, honestly, and that meant so much more for me than just as a father.  _ “Did any of the boys called you?” _

 

“No, honey.. I’m sorry.” She sighed, a little disappointed. “But it must be because they are okay and didn’t need my help.”

 

_ “Yeah, let’s hope so.”  _

 

“When do you come back? I miss you already.” I used my clingiest voice to win some boyfriend points and it worked, because she laughed. 

 

_ “Tomorrow night, cowboy. I still have some things to deal with over here.” _

 

“We’ll be waiting, then.”

 

We hang up sometime later, after talking about nothing in particular, just sharing the events of our day. It was amazing how much time we could spend coming up with subjects to talk about just so we wouldn’t finish the call. But after some time I heard her yawning and figured she must be tired, so we said our goodbyes and I went to sleep missing my favorite blonde, wishing it would be tomorrow night already. 

 

At 3am, my phone rang again. It was a number I didn’t recognize so my mind went straight for the worst possible scenario. The boys were hurt. Gwen had an accident. I closed my eyes, bracing the impact, and answered the call.

 

“Hello?”

 

_ “Blake? It’s Kingston. I, uhm… I need your help.”  _ His voice was raspy and low, almost as if he was forcing himself to say those words. Which was probably true. 

 

“What? Why? Where are you?” I sat up on the bed, trying to pull my mind out of the haze.

 

_ “I’m at the police station. I…. I’ve been arrested.” _

 

That did it. It was like a shot of coffee straight to my veins. “Tell me where you are. I’m coming.” 

  
  


Assault and battery. Kingston was arrested under the allegations of  _ assault and battery,  _ according to the detective I’ve talked to. But the other party decided not to press charges, so all I had to do was pay his fine and he could go home. 

 

He came out half an hour later, with a bruised eye and a cut on his lip, limping a little bit. He met me outside, looking down and shoulders heavy, too embarrassed to look at me, his emotions splitting between anger, frustration and pain. 

 

“Are you ok? That eye looks ugly, maybe we should-” 

 

“I’m fine. Let’s just go home.” He cut me off, turning his body towards my truck.

 

I didn’t move. “Not until you tell me what the hell happened.”

 

He cursed under his breath and turned around again, putting his hands in his pockets. “It doesn’t matter, does it? You’re gonna tell mom and she will come to my throat until I explain myself. If she doesn’t kill me in the process. So just wait a couple days and she will tell you.”

 

“Kingston.” I called and waited until he looked at me. “You’re not like this. You were never violent. Not once you got into a fight in school. Why start now?” I used my best diplomatic voice, trying not to get angry. 

 

“Look, I only called you because dad is in Canada, uncle Todd is with mom and grandpa would have a heart attack if he got this call at 3am. I didn’t call you because I wanted to or for you to give me a life lesson, ok?”

 

“Let’s make a deal, then. Man to man, since you’re so grown up.” That got his attention. “You tell me what happened and I don’t tell your mom you were in jail. What do you say?”  

 

“Why should I trust you?” He squinted his eyes at me, defiant.

 

“Fine. You call her or should I ask one of the officers over there tell her the news? I’m sure she is going to love waking up in the middle of the night with this phone call.”

 

It was my turn to head to the car without looking back. I took about three steps until I heard his voice behind me.  “I saw my girl with another man.” He stopped and took a deep breath, and I waited for him to go on, without looking at him just yet. “I was playing this gig downtown and she walked in the club just… She didn’t even notice I was on stage. So I got down mid-concert and went to talk to her.”

 

“Fuck.” It was all I could say, facing him again. He looked so broken. 

 

“She said it was over the minute I went to Europe…She said I left her lonely.. But it was not like I moved there, you know? She knew I was coming back.” He stopped again to wipe the tears from his face, flinching because of the wounds.

 

“And how this black eye happened?”

 

“The guy she was with. He got in the middle of our conversation, I told him to shut up because I wasn’t talking to him, he pushed me… You can figure out the rest.” He shrugged his shoulders, defeated. 

 

“Well, I wish I could say I’ve never done that, but I would be lying. I was the idiot that punched first, asked later.” Despite all the tension, he chuckled a little and I did the same.  “This isn’t you, Kingston. You are too smart to talk with your fists like this.”

 

“Yeah, I know.” He kicked the sidewalk, lowering his head. “I just got so pissed, you know? I couldn’t believe her. We’ve been dating since we got out of high school and now she does this, out of nowhere?” 

 

“She is not worth jail time, man.” 

 

“Yeah, whatever.” He suddenly realized he was talking to me, his ‘archnemesis’, and the posh attitude was back. “I don’t know why I’m telling you all this, you’re gonna run and spill it out to mom anyway.” 

 

“I won’t. But I can’t promise she won’t ask about the bruises. You should come up with a believable excuse.” 

 

“Right.” He wasn’t completely sure he could trust me, but he nodded anyway. 

 

“C’mon, I’ll drop you home. You can get you car back at the club tomorrow.”

 

I dropped him off and went to my house, falling onto my bed tired, but not able to fall asleep. I was worried about Kingston. I knew I promised I wouldn’t tell his mother, but should I? For all I knew about him, he wasn’t a violent guy, but then again… he made it pretty clear that I didn’t know him anymore.  

 

I decided to keep my promise and keep a close eye on him, just to make sure this wasn’t a permanent behavior. This was probably just a low point… I hoped. 

 

I went by their house on the next day just to check up on them, only to find him and Zuma playing videogames on their living room. My mom had recommended a cream when I told her about Kingston’s fight in the morning and I stop by a drug store to pick it up. 

 

“I brought you this.” I said to him, lifting the cream. The bruise had blackened, but it seemed pretty standard, nothing worse than I hat gotten over the years. “My mother said she used to put it on me when I came home on the shape you’re on. It’s worth the try.” 

 

He paused the game and came by to get the cream, scratching his head. “Thanks, I guess.”

 

“No problem. Do you guys had lunch already? My mother is cooking is y’all are interested.”

 

“We’ll be fine.” He declined, but I could tell Zuma wanted to go. 

 

“Are you sure? Zuma?” Kingston looked at him, angry, and Zuma just nodded his head. “Alright. Your mother is coming home tonight. I thought about making her some dinner, since she will be tired. Are you in?” He started saying no, but I interrupted. “I’m not asking for me. It’s for her. He wants us all getting along. Besides, you should start thinking about putting her into a good mood because she won’t be happy about this black eye.” 

 

“Fine, whatever.”

 

Well, it wasn’t a happy yes, but it wasn’t a no either. I would take what I can get. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor baby Kingston, life is not easy for the Stefani-Rossdale boys in the love department, huh? 
> 
> Do y'all think Blake is gonna keep his word? Should he?


	17. And though I never said it with words there was love in the silence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is not on my usual level of length and depth, but I hope you guys like it either way. I'm going to take a few days off, so I hope I come back inspired! This story deserves so much more than I'm giving it right now... I told a little bit more on my twitter account: @ao3soullove. 
> 
> Thank you for reading it and see you guys in a week!

 

First sign there was something wrong: Blake came alone to the airport to pick me up. No Aurora, no boys, just him. Which would be fine, if it wasn’t for his completely beaten down expression. It looked like he just came out of a war, and that freaked the hell out of me. He tried to disguise it, opening the biggest smile when he saw me going through the gate, but I saw it. 

 

Also, he gave me the tightest hug, as if he was the one needing comfort. 

 

I came home alone, since Todd needed sign some papers at the office tomorrow. They didn’t need me there anymore so I chose to go back by myself. Part because I was worried about the kids, part because I was missing my favorite cowboy.

 

“God, I’ve missed you so much, baby....” He said, as soon as our bodies met in a tight embrace. “You have no idea. Don’t ever do that to me again.”

 

“Oh, wow!” His tone worried me. “What happened? And where are the kids?”

 

“They are at home.. And that’s part of the problem.”

 

“Okay… I’m not following.”

 

“I tried to get everyone to work together to make you dinner… But it was a disaster. I honestly don’t know what are we coming home to.” He sounded so defeated that my heart broke for him. He was so sweet trying to make me a surprise.

 

“Let me guess. Kingston.”

 

He didn’t answer, but he didn’t need to. 

 

“Not only that, Aurora getting sick scared the crap out of me. Even though it was nothing serious.” That one made me chuckle. He closed his face and crossed his arms in front of his body, like an upset child. “I’m glad that my freak out is amusing to you.”

 

It only served to make me laugh harder. “I’m sorry, but c’mon.... You have to admit that it was a little bit funny that you had to summon your mother to help take care of Aurora.”

 

Instead of answering with a funny comeback, he stopped, in the middle of the airport, and took both my hands on his. He looked me right in the eye, with an adoring expression, which made my heart skip a beat. 

 

“All I could think about while I was taking care of her is you doing this alone with four kids. And if it comes to me, you’ll never have to do that again.”

I didn’t wanna remember all the times I was alone with a newborn baby and 3 boys running around the house. Only God knows how I did it, I don’t even know. I guess it’s true: you never know how strong you are until being strong is the  only choice you have. I couldn’t break down, not when I had 4 little ones counting on me. But there were countless times where all I wished was to run away and hide. 

 

I know now that Blake is back in our lives, it wouldn’t be like that anymore. Things were different. We were older, wiser, more mature. Our love was also stronger than ever now. But it didn’t hurt to hear saying those things. 

 

“I know. But thank you anyways.” 

 

He squeezed my hand, reassuring me, and gave me a kiss on my forehead. “C’mon, let’s head to war. Be prepared to eat pizza.”

 

But the situation at home was nothing like Blake described. At first, I even thought it was a prank, something he told me just to throw me off. But he was as surprised as I am. The table was ready, the food looked amazing and all my three children (Apollo was still with Gavin) were waiting for me in the living room, along with Blake and Dot. 

 

Everything was perfect, except…

 

“Kingston James McGregor! What is that in your eye?” Was that a black eye? Was he on a fight? I alternated my gaze between him, Zuma and Blake, because Blake must know about this, yet he didn’t say a word to me until now. 

 

I crossed my arms, assuming a mom posture, waiting for an explanation. It seemed like nobody was breathing in the room. Kingston put his hands in his pockets, shrugging his shoulders. 

 

“It was nothing. I handled it.”

 

“It doesn’t look like it! Blake, did you know about this?” 

 

“Kingston will tell you himself. Right, Kingston?” It was all Blake said, but his eyes digging a hole in Kings’ face told everything. He knew much more than he was telling.

 

“I got in a fight at the gig I played saturday. Can we please talk later? The food is getting cold.” He was so embarrassed to have everyone looking at him. I got closer to him and used my most threatening voice.

 

“Don’t you think for a second that I’m letting this go. We will definitely talk later, mister.”

 

I shot the same killer gaze to Blake. He was in trouble too.

 

We all sat down at the table, the tension still palpable between all of us, especially the men. But Blake decided to take the higher road.

 

“Okay, before we eat… I’d like to thank the boys for finishing dinner. I know we had our issues… But it means a lot to me that you’ve stepped in and did what was best for everyone.”

 

“We didn’t do it for you…” I heard Kingston reply under his breath. Blake did too, but he didn’t comment. He didn’t wanna ruin the mood, but I had enough with Kingston. I understand his motives and part of me feels proud that he is looking after me, but he doesn’t get to be an asshole and ruin everyone’s dinner just because he is angry. Not on my house.

 

“Kingston!” I slapped the table, fed up with his attitude. Everyone jumped, startled. “You’re gonna behave like the grown man you say you are, following the education I gave you!”

 

“Sorry!” He exclaimed, a little bit scared by my explosion. 

 

“I get that you are still mad with Blake, that’s your business to figure out. But I’m not gonna let you be just plain rude when he is doing everything in his power to make things right.”

 

“It’s okay, darling.” Blake put his hand on my arm, offering me support in a conciliatory tone. 

 

“My talk with you is getting longer and longer, Kingston.” 

 

He lowered his head and started eating in silence. Everyone did the same thing, including Aurora, who was unusually quiet for a kid. She barely ate, just kept playing with her food. Aurora was an exceptionally sensitive child. Whenever there was something wrong, she was the first to feel it. 

 

But, eventually, we started talking and the mood was lifted a little bit. Blake asked me how the trip went, Dot mentioned a new cooking show that she thought I might like and things got a little better. 

 

After dinner, I went to get the guest room ready for Dot and put Aurora to bed. She missed me, so tonight, for the first time since she met Blake, I would sing her to sleep instead of him. The boys and Blake went to clean the kitchen and wash the dishes. 

 

Thank God Blake and Dot agreed on sleeping here even without having to ask for it because, although I was mad and had a lot of unanswered questions, I still wanted to sleep next to my 6 foot 5 cowboy from Oklahoma. 

 

But first, we would have a little chat.

 

I went down the stairs and the boys were still at the kitchen, talking.

 

_ “You really didn’t tell mom about this.”  _ I heard Kingston say on a low voice, sounding impressed.

 

_ “No, I didn’t. But you should.”  _ Kingston made a noise, probably rolling his eyes too, but Blake continued either way.  _ “I know what you’re thinking, that she is just gonna be mad and yell at you… but she is your mom, she deserves to know what’s going on in your life. And besides, everything is taken care of. She will appreciate your honesty..” _

 

_ “Yeah, whatever.”  _ There it goes his attitude again.

 

_ “Kingston, I’m trying.”  _ Blake said, his tone a little tired of Kingston’s bullshit. “ _ I know that nothing I do can possibly erase the past, but I’m not going anywhere. As long as your mom wants me here, that’s the place I’ll be. I stood by my word with your problems and that’s what I intend to do, but I would really appreciate it if you could meet me halfway.” _

 

_ “I was gonna tell mom anyway.”  _

 

Blake sighed, defeated.  _ “Good. I’ll try to keep a good word with her…“  _

 

It was a long moment before Kingston answered with a simple  _ “Ok.” _

 

When I thought the talk had ended, I revealed myself. Blake didn’t say a word, simply kissed the top of my head and left the room, giving me and Kingston some privacy. He scratched the back of his head, not sure where to start, and I realized it was bigger than I had predicted.

 

I learned from my mom and her four kids that some things required a camomile tea, so I gathered the kettle, filled with water and turned on the heat. Then, I turned around and rested my hip at the sink counter, waiting for him to drop the bomb. 

 

“I got arrested.”  _ Talk about bomb! _

 

“WHAT?” I yelled. “How? When? Why?”

 

He put his hands in front of him, asking for a little patience. “I played a gig at The Archemist on saturday. In the middle of the set, Olivia walks in.. With some other dude. She didn’t even talk to me first, you know, to break up.”

 

“Oh, no!”

 

“She said that I left her alone when I went to Europe. And she had the right to just assume it was over between us.” He lowered his head, ashamed, and my heart broke in a million tiny pieces for him. But I had to put my mom face a little bit longer. 

 

“And where this black eye comes in?”

 

“I went to talk to her. The guy she was with was a dick and kept meddling in, so I punched him. He returned the favor… Security put us both out and called the cops.”

 

On that time, the water for my tea boiled and the kettle let out a whistle, startling me. I turned off the heat and poured the water on top of the tea bag inside the mug. That gave me a little time to process what Kingston was telling me. But something wasn’t adding up. 

 

“Who got you out?”

 

“What?”

 

“From jail. Who went there to bail you out?” I had a suspicion who that person might be, but I needed to hear him say it.

 

“Well.... Blake.”.

 

“You called Blake?” Despite all the seriousness of the subject, my heart got a little happy seeing him run to Blake with a problem.

 

“Yeah. He really didn’t say anything to you?” Kingston squinted his eyes at me with a questioning look on his face.

 

“No, not a word. Do you think I’d react this way if I knew anything about this?” 

 

He let out a small chuckle. “I guess not.” 

 

We stayed in silence for a couple of minutes, while I sipped my tea. If it were something more serious, I think Blake would have told me, so he probably talked to Kingston about it. My oldest was not a violent boy, but everyone has their off days. I tried to keep this in mind when preparing my speech. 

 

“A fight, King? That’s not how I raised you. I didn’t teach you to talk with your fists like this!” 

 

“I know mom, and I’m sorry, okay? I already got the talk from Blake, believe me.”

 

“Yeah but I’m your mother and you’re gonna get it from me too!” I put my teacup down, suddenly angry. “What the hell were you thinking? That guy could have a gun! And we would be all crying at your coffin now!” 

 

“I wasn’t thinking, that’s the fucking problem!” He shouted.

 

“Language!” I snapped back.

 

“Sorry!”

 

I stopped and took a deep breath, trying to form my thoughts in order. “How do you think I felt when I got home and saw these injuries in your face? Nobody told me anything, nobody gave me a heads up. A million things went through my mind. Don’t ever do this again.”

 

“Do what? The fight or not telling you?”

 

“Both. But if you do have to fight, talk to me immediately, okay? I like to think that I’m your friend too, not only your mother.” 

 

He came closer and hugged me, and there my little boy was back.

 

“You are, mom. I’m sorry I scared you.” 

 

“Did you take care of this eye?”

 

“Yeah, Blake gave me some cream. Something his mom used to put on his face whenever he was in a fight too.” 

 

I nodded. They were talking, despite all the sour feelings between the two of them. That was a good sign, right? I decided not to comment on that, because Kingston was a frightened wild animal, anything would send him away and jeopardize all the effort Blake has been doing. 

 

“Alright, off to bed now. I’m tired and this has been a long day.”

 

“Okay. Love you, mom. And I’m sorry.”

 

“Love you too, dear.”

 

I went upstairs to my room, where Blake was waiting for me. With him, it was a whole other fight. I opened the door and he was in bed, going through his phone, already in his briefs he uses to sleep. When he saw me, he put the phone down and looked at me, waiting for the blow. I closed the door behind me and started changing my clothes, starting with the shoes.

 

“Jail, Blake? You got him out of  _ jail  _ and didn’t think to tell me?” 

 

“Yeah, but let me explain, baby!” He jumped out of bed to come near me. “I promised him I wouldn’t tell you because I needed him to opened up to me… to trust me. But all the time I told him to tell you himself. If he hadn’t, I would. I swear. I talked to the detective to make sure it was nothing major. They only brought him to jail because the commotion in front of the club was too big. But the other guy didn’t press charges of anything.” 

 

Well, he had a point. But I would stand my ground.

 

“Are you sure he is not in trouble?”

 

“Yes. And I had a long talk with him.”

 

“He told me. You brought him some medicine for his eye?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

It was an unsettling feeling having someone to share these kind of problems with. I was so used to dealing with all of this by myself that, when someone stepped in to relieve my burden, it made me feel a little left out. But I guess in a good way. It was nice not to have all the problems in the world falling over my shoulders. 

 

I stood up and crossed my arms, trying to carry my upset face a little bit longer to milk this one out. 

 

“Still…. I don’t like being kept in the dark, Blake. These are my kids.” 

 

He opened a smile, with dimples and all, seeing right through me.  _ Damn _ .

 

“I know, I’m sorry…” He closed the distance between us and started drawing circles in my back. “How can I make up to you?” He asked in a low, sultry voice that was the death of me. Just like that, I couldn’t even remember what I was mad at him for. 

 

He gave me a long, deep kiss and the conversation was over. 


	18. I will not give you up this time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm so happy that I got carried away with this chapter, it ended up almost 4k words long! I hope you guys like everything I did in there. 
> 
> Also, I want you guys to know that we only have 3 more chapters left! Almost the end of this fic!!! I'M SO EXCITED!!!
> 
> Let me know what y'all think of this chapter!
> 
> \- Lola!

 

“Hey, Blake… Can I talk to you for a minute?” Zuma approached me while I was at the back yard on their house. Gwen was finishing up dinner, Kingston was out in band practice and the kids, Apollo and Aurora, where at the living room playing together. 

 

It was the last week of summer and everyone was feeling a little sad. I wanted so bad to ask Gwen to move back to LA, but part of me felt like it was not my right to ask her to change her entire life just because I asked her to. 

 

“Yeah buddy, go ahead. What’s up?” I pointed the chair in front of me for him to sit. He looked a bit nervous and uncomfortable, which startled me. After all the past weeks, I thought I was reaching some sort of truce with the older boys, but now I was beginning to doubt it. What if he was here to tell me that this wasn’t working or something? 

 

He took a sit in front of me and leaned in, holding his hands together, struggling to find the right words. “So… hum… Tomorrow I have to take my things to college, books, clothes and stuff.. I was wondering… Can you give me a ride with your truck? It would be so much easier and just one trip….”

 

I let out a relieved sigh. Not only everything was okay between him and me but he was comfortable enough with me to ask for my help. I couldn’t be happier. “Of course! What time do you need me here?”

 

“I was thinking in the morning really, so I don’t get in your way. You can just drop me off there.”

 

“Are you kidding? I’d love to help. Don’t worry about that!”

 

“Okay, then. Thanks, Blake.”

 

“Anytime.”

 

He went back to his room to finish packing while the dinner wasn’t ready, leaving me alone in the backyard again. My smile was as big as the day Gwen told me she still loved me. They were finally letting me into their lives again. And, Lord as my witness, I would never take that for granted ever again. 

 

Speaking of Gwen, I stood up and went to the kitchen to tell her the good news. She was setting up the table and I took the plates out of her hands to help her out. 

 

“Baby, you’re never gonna believe what just happened!” I tried - and failed - to contain the excitement on my voice, but it was too obvious that I was out of myself with happiness.

 

“The Cardinals have won the game?” She tried to guess, placing forks and knives next to the plates I was putting.

 

“Not even close.” I finish my task and looked at her, smiling from ear to ear.

 

She placed the last knife and stared at me, intrigued. “Then what?”

 

I lowered my voice, trying not to be heard by anyone else. “ Zuma just asked for my help. Just like that! He came to me and asked if I could take him to college tomorrow to drop his things on his dorm.”

 

“Blake, that is amazing!” She did a little jump, as excited as I was. “He is starting to trust you again.” 

 

“I can only hope that King sees that and lets me in too.” My voice was now a bit sadder. 

 

“Don’t worry, baby… He will come around, I’m sure… You guys are not even fighting anymore, right? He is slowly accepting you, it just takes a little more time.” Gwen came near me and hugged my midriff, placing a sweet kiss on my chin. “But I’m glad that Zuma took the first step. He is the reasonable one out of them.”

 

“Yeah, you’re right. I just have to be patient.”

 

“That’s new.” She said, mocking me between laughs. “Now please go get everyone, dinner is ready.”

  
  


After we ate, it was Zuma’s turn to wash the dishes, so I went to put Aurora and Apollo to bed. Sometime later, when I finally was able to sing them to sleep, I heard music coming out of Kingston’s room, but the melody was disconnected, as if he was unsure on how to play it. I stopped by his door, which was open, and knocked on the portal, just to give him a heads up that someone was watching him. 

 

He turned around but didn’t close his face, a great sign for me.

 

“Hey, that was amazing… You need any help?” I said carefully not to scare him away.

 

“No, it’s nothing, I’m just.. I’m having trouble finding the right key.” He played with the chords a little bit, a little embarrassed.

 

“Are you writing this?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Cool… Do you want to play it for me? Maybe I can help.”

 

He stared at me for a couple seconds, trying to decide if he could trust me, if he wanted my help, but in the end he agreed. Probably he was having a really tough time with the song, but I would take what I can get.

 

I entered his room, a chaotic mess of poster signs, personal pictures and other souvenirs that reflected his personality. He then started the song as soon as I sat on his computer chair, directly across from him, and I realized he inherited his mother gift of brutal honesty when it comes to songwriting. The song was painfully beautiful, the lyrics about his breakup with the girl that broke his heart and led him to start that fight and go to jail. 

 

His voice was low and a bit raspy, perfect for the kind of music was playing: a little bit rock and roll, a little bit soul. From all my years on The Voice and after that finding talent for my label, I had a ear from these things. I was in front of a true star. He didn’t need to have famous parents to succeed; he was talented enough on his own.

 

But I could see where he was having issues with the melody. The chorus was too high for his voice tone. Every time he tried to hit a higher note, it would break and he would shake his head, getting irritated. When he finished the song, he was almost out of breath. 

 

“Okay, the song is awesome. It really is. It reminds me of the songs your mother used to write. You definitely got that from her.”

 

“She tells me that all the time.” She smiled and looked down scratching the back of his head.

 

“Now, seems that you’re having trouble with the key. I think it’s too high for your voice at the chorus. Try toning it down just a little bit to see what happens.” He played again using a lower key and this time it was much better, he even smiled triumphant at the end of the verse. I got excited too that he was taking my advice into consideration, so I decided to be a little bolder. “What do you think about letting the bridge a little faster and with only a beat, not a full melody? I think it would be more emotional that way.”

 

And again, he played the way I suggested and it was incredible. He finished and stopped the vibration of the chords, looking at me. “Well, I guess it’s done.” Clearly a cue for me to get out. I stood up and congratulated him again, receiving just a nod as reply. But as I was passing the door, he called me again and I turned around. “I just wanted to say… thank you. For the help.” 

 

“Don’t worry. I’ll be here if you need me.” I said and could only hope that he understand that I wasn’t just talking about songs. I was here for them, all of them, come hell or high water. 

 

“I… we are going to play tomorrow at this new club downtown.. If you and mom… you know, want to go.. I may play this song there.”

 

“Yeah, absolutely. I’ll talk to her.”

 

“Goodnight, Blake.”

 

“Bye.”

  
  


The next day, I looked like a kid about to receive the greatest birthday gift that ever existed. I was nervous and excited, both with Zuma and Kingston. I wanted to make Gwen proud and sure that I was here to stay. I didn’t want her having any kind of doubts about me, weather about my love or about my ability to fit into this family again. I was set on forever and determined to make it work.

 

Zuma and I finished loading the truck and headed to the University, just the two of us in the car. He seemed a little nervous, fidgeting and twisting his fingers all the time. I get where that came from: his life was about to change completely again. College wasn’t an easy experience. I couldn’t relate with the university thing, but I definitely knew what he was feeling, since I moved to Nashville was soon as I finished high school.

 

“Nervous?” I asked.

 

“Nah…” He was putting a brave face.

 

“Did you know that I almost gave up singing when I moved to Nashville?”

 

“Really?” He turned around to face me. “How come?”

 

“I was alone, in a city that I didn’t know anyone. I got there just me and my guitar.. Didn’t have any contacts or whatever. For the first few months, nothing was happening, I even worked at the construction business and thought about giving up music.”

 

“What changed?” 

 

“During one of those construction jobs, I met a famous singer’s son. They didn’t get along so he stayed at his tour bus in front of his mom’s house. Every day, during my lunch break, he would invite me to his bus and we would talk about music.. On my last day, he showed me a song, that ended up being Ol’ Red.”

 

“That’s awesome.”

 

“My point is… you never know what may come your way. The rest of your life is starting now, so you have to keep your eyes open for all opportunities.”

 

“I still don’t quite know what I wanna do.” He scratched the nape of his neck, somewhat embarrassed. “How did you know you wanted to pursue music?” 

 

I thought about the question a little before answering. All my life, I never wanted to do anything else. It was really clear for me that I wanted to be a country singer. “It was never a choice, you know? I didn’t know anything else. I had no plan B. I guess you have to feel good about what you’re doing, regardless with it makes you rich or not.”

 

“Everybody else seems to know their path, you know? Kingston is trying to record a demo, even Apollo talks about how he wants to be a veterinarian when he grows up… I’m just.. Caught in the middle.”

 

Apollo really loved animals ever since he was a baby, but the most important information here was that King was trying to get signed. I could help with that, but probably under the shadows. If he knew I was involved, he would never get on board. And I saw first hand how talented he was. 

 

For now, I needed to focus on Zuma. 

 

“You could sign for different classes for this first semester. See what feels good. Focus on new experiences.. I’m sure the answer will come sooner than you expect.”

 

He nodded and stayed in silence until we got to college, thinking about what I said. When everything was done, we drove back home and I took the opportunity to visit my girl at the restaurant. She was looking for something on her laptop, her face frowned with worry. I approached her and kissed the top of her head and immediately she smiled, covering my hands on her shoulders with hers.

 

“What’s wrong, baby?” I asked, concerned with her expression from earlier.

 

“I’m trying to find a good school for the younger ones, but everything is so far away…” She took off her glasses and gazed at me while I took a sit by her side.

 

“Oh, you’re gonna switch schools? Why?”

 

She smiled, as if she was keeping a secret, an adorable expression that made me instantly excited. “Well.. It’s hard for them to keep studying in Seattle if we move here.”

 

“You’re gonna move to LA?! Really?” It was embarrassing how much I wanted to scream from joy. A grown man at on his late forties squealing like a little girl… not very manly.

 

“Well, it makes more sense. Everyone is here. And besides, I only moved to Seattle to run away. I don’t need to run away anymore.”

 

She smiled so brightly that I had to bite my tongue not to ask her to marry me, right then and there. I loved that woman so much, more than my own life, and now, without having to ask her, she would be within driving distance from me. I could see her and Aurora everyday. I was this close to have my family together like I always dreamed of having. 

 

But she would never agree on marrying me if the boys didn’t like the idea. I have to win them over first. I had the rest of my life to be by Gwen’s side. When I do this, I don’t want any shadow of a doubt. I want her all in, like I was. 

 

“You don’t know how much this means to me, sunflower. I love you so damn much.” That was all I could say before my voice got choked with emotion. 

 

“I love you too, Blake.” I placed a deep kiss on her lips before parting again, grinning like a fool. 

 

“Have you told the kids yet?”

 

“I was thinking we could tell everyone this weekend.” 

 

“That is a great idea. And speaking of kids… Kingston invited us to go see his band perform tonight.”

 

“Really? He talked to you?” She sounded impressed. 

 

“Not only he talked to me but I got to help him with a song. You’ll get to hear it on tonight’s show.” It was hard to contain my excitement.

 

“Wow, Blake! I told you he was coming around! That is so great!” She squirmed, genuinely happy, giving me a hug.

 

“It really is, sunflower. I couldn’t believe it.”

 

“How about Zuma? How did it go today?” 

 

I ran my hands through my hair, not knowing how to explain our talk. “It was good. He has a lot of questions, doesn’t exactly know what to do with his life. But I think I was able to help a little.”

 

“Look at you, all daddy-ish, giving life advice and all. I’m proud!” We laughed. 

  
  


\--------

 

As expected, Kingston’s band was amazing on stage. He commanded the stage just like his mother. She couldn’t stop smiling, proud as she could be for her oldest.

 

They deserved to be signed. So, the next day, I send one of the label producers to where his band use to practice, asking specifically for him to come up with a story that disguised the fact that I was behind all this. They were truly good and I wasn’t doing this just because he was Gwen’s son or for him to forgive me. I could even send their demo to other labels, talk to some of my friends... 

 

At the end of the day, Shane, the producer, called me, saying that the band was crazy excited to be scouted by a label, and he promised that nobody suspected that I was the one sending him. 

 

It was almost nighttime when my secretary knocked on my door at the label, saying that I had a visitor. I asked her to send the person in.

 

It was Kingston.

 

“It was you, wasn’t it?” He wasn’t accusing and didn’t seem to be mad, just.. Asking.

 

“What?”

 

“The producer. It was you that send him. He denied, but I can tell it was you.”

 

I made my way from behind my desk, stopping at the edge of the furniture, where I leaned my hips and put my hands in my pockets and faced him. 

 

“I didn’t want to seem like I was doing that just to have your forgiveness, or just because you are Gwen’s kid. I did this because you guys are talented and deserve to be signed. Doesn’t even matter that it is with my label. If you don’t want to be here, I can send your demo to make sure you guys end up on good hands.”

 

He mirrored my posture, looking straight at me and squinting his eyes to detect a hint of lie on my words. “Is that the truth? Are you willing to send our demo to somebody else if I ask you to?”

 

“Yes.” I answered, honestly. “Of course I preferred you guys here, where I can use all the tools I have on my disposal. And I’d love to have a band like yours to be the face of this branch here in LA. But I will respect your decision to go  on another direction. As long as I hear that song on the radio, I’d be okay with whatever you decide.”

 

“That’s… very generous of you.” He said in almost a whisper. “I wasn’t expecting that.”

 

“Kingston, I’m not a bad man. I’m someone that made a poor decision and it affected in the worst way some of the people I loved most. Including you, your brothers and your mother. But I still consider you, Zuma and Apollo as much as my children as Aurora is. Even if you still hate me.”

 

“Is hard to hate you when my mom is so happy these days.. I know it’s because of you.” He confessed, partly embarrassed, partly smiling.

 

I opened a smile. It’s nice to talk to him like equals, without having to scream my lungs out. Kingston was a fine young man, destined to achieve big things.

 

“I meant what I said, King. I love you like a son.”

 

He ran his head through his hair, messy and unruly. “Why did you ran, then?”

 

“I thought I was unworthy.” I answered straight away and part of him was impressed by my honesty. “Your mother is this amazing, stunning woman, so out of my league, even today… But in the past, I let other people get inside my head and I believe them when they said she would get tired of me. I let my judgement get clouded. A mistake I don’t intend on repeating, ever again.”

 

“Thank you.”

 

“For what?”

 

“For telling me the truth. For being there for me.” He massaged the back of his neck, trying to find the words. “I wanted to hate you so bad because it was easier. I spent all my life trying to feel the void you left. I didn’t want to open that place again.”

 

“It’s okay if you don’t ever do. I just want to be in your life without fighting all the time. If you let me, I want to help. And do what I should have done years ago.”

 

“What’s that?”

 

“Marry your mother.” 

 

For my surprise, he opened a smile. “You better.” 

 

For the look of it, things were starting to look good. For the first time, the future regarding my relationship with Kingston didn’t seem so dark and rocky. So I think it’s time for a much belated present. 

 

“Do you mind going somewhere with me? You can follow me with you car if you want. I need to show you something.”

 

“Yeah, of course.” 

 

Arriving in my house, I asked him to wait on the living room while I went to the basement. This was something that I was saving to give to my own son, if I ever had one. When I was still with Gwen and Aurora wasn’t even on the picture, I decided to pass it to Kingston. He was starting to have guitar lessons with me and I felt, for the first time, like somebody’s hero. It was a feeling that I shouldn’t ever take for granted. Life showed me that the hardest way. 

 

A week after I had it engraved, everything happened with Gwen and I never had the chance to give it to King. But, almost eight years later, I got a second chance. 

 

“Remember when you first asked me to teach you a song on the guitar?” I asked, arriving where he was. He nodded, remembering. “I felt so happy that day, because you have a ton of musicians in your family… Your own father is a skilled musician. Instead, you asked me. That day, I decided to give you something. Something that has been in my family ever since my father first bought it in the 70’s.”

 

I opened it’s case, revealing my gift. It was a electric guitar Gibson Les Paul with all original parts. It was truly a family heirloom. 

 

“Wow, Blake… It was really from your dad?” 

 

“Yeah. He bought it the year I was born, 1976. When he passed it to me, he said I should keep it and use only on the songs that meant the most to me. And, when the time was right, give it to my son. When I was with your mom, before Aurora came into the picture.... You were the first person I thought about giving this to. I considered you like my own blood and still do. Even if you don’t ever forgive me, you’ll still gonna be my son to me.” 

 

“This..” His eyes were filled with water and instantly mine did the same. “I can’t accept this.”

 

“Yes, you can. You should use it when you record that song.” 

 

He swallowed the lump on his throat, doing an herculean effort not to cry in front of me. But then, he turned the guitar and saw his name and the date,  _ September 2016,  _ he lost it.

 

He came to hug me, still holding his guitar, and I shed a few tears as well., but from relief. It felt so good having him in my arms again, like this huge weight that kept me from breathing properly was lifted from my shoulders. He was my son at heart, and it was like he finally came home. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not crying, you are!


	19. Ain't nobody hurt you like I hurt you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ONLY TWO MORE CHAPTERS TILL THE END! HOLY FUCK!

It was a big week at our household.

 

We just had finished moving completely to LA from Seattle, now finally as a family. Blake and I found a house together, and obviously everyone - him, the kids and especially me - were over the moon with happiness. Next Monday was first day of school and Zuma was crazy excited to start college.

 

On top of all that, Kingston and his band finally signed with Blake’s label and, although Blake was responsible for the logistics and merchandising part of the business, rather than the actual music producing part, it was practice night every night at our living room. Sometimes the whole band was there talking about song styles and picking which songs were best, but most of the times, it was only Blake and Kingston at our backyard, drinking beer and doodling music on Kings’ guitar.

 

Seeing both of them working, laughing and sharing stories together would never get old for me, and I would never, ever, take that for granted again, not after the crusade it was for Kingston to forgive Blake. And I don’t think he took that lightly too. His expression of complete adoration and pride tells it all. 

 

When Kingston showed me the guitar Blake had kept just for him, I had to give it all of me to not break out in tears in front of my oldest. I mean, their relationship back in the day was truly a father-son thing, even better than what he had with his biological father, Gavin. Whenever Blake was with us or we were at Oklahoma, Kingston would dress head-to-toe with plaid, hat and boots, looking like he was just out of a Wrangler commercial or something. It was the cutest thing then, and to be able to witness that bond getting stronger again made me love my cowboy even more.

 

With that feud settled, the road was open for us to finally plan a future for us as a family. The first step was moving together. We had talked about it before, but both of us were too chickened to actually ask the other. Things couldn’t be better between us, but the trauma was still there, lingering on a deep part of our brain that none of us wanted to acknowledge it. What if it’s too soon? We were pretty much together all the time, but having separate houses was working kind of the same way a security blanket does. Something had to happen to break the ice.

 

And that thing, obviously, was Aurora.

 

We just had a meeting with our lawyers in order to change her documents, which now would include Blake’s name on it. So he was explaining to her how she would have both our last names, her original Stefani would be kind of her middle name now, and from now on her name was Aurora Stefani-Shelton.

 

“So now at school my teacher is gonna call me by my daddy’s last name?” She asked, sitting on Blake’s lap  on a kitchen stool while I made us dinner.

 

“Yes, dear. Just like the boys have their dad’s name, Rossdale, you’re gonna have mine too. Isn’t that cool?”  He asked, barely hiding his excitement. 

 

“So cool, daddy! Now everyone's gonna know that I’m your daughter and be jealous of me because I have the greatest dad ever!” 

 

He let out a big bear laugh, throwing his head back. That combined to Aurora’s sweet angelic giggle made me wish that this moment could last forever. The love of my life and his “mini-me” on his lap laughing with the same exact expression on their faces in front of me were one of those things that I would remember whenever someone asks me “What is your favorite memory?”

 

I was probably staring at them like a weirdo, because Blake looked at me and mouthed  _ are you ok _ ? I nodded and smiled, catching my daughter’s attention.

 

“What about mommy? Does she get your last name too, daddy?” 

 

We both laughed nervously. This topic led to marriage talk and we weren’t ready to open that can of worms yet. Blake scratched his head, looking at me desperately, while I shrugged my shoulders, not knowing how to explain it to her.

 

“Well…” He began. “Not exactly, sweetheart. Someday your mom and I will get married, and then she can decide if she wants my name or not. But for now, she will stay with the same name as always.”

 

“But what are you taking so long? Don’t you guys love each other?”

 

_ Oh God,  _ that conversation will give me a headache. “Yes, dear, we do.” I interjected, trying to gain time, smiling through the panic. “Very much. But it’s a little more complicated than that.”

 

“Why?” She inquired with innocent eyes flying from me to Blake. 

 

“Your mom and I… we haven’t seen each other in a while. We have to learn how to be together again. That takes time.”

 

“You could live with us, daddy, that way you learn what mommy likes faster so you guys can marry.” 

 

Just like that, as the angel she is,  Aurora dropped a bomb on us, without even realizing it. We both stopped dead on our tracks, trying to think what to say to her, but as our eyes met, we realized how much we were complicating things. It was all so simple that a kid had to point us in the right direction. It made the perfect sense. Why rent two houses if Blake slept in ours all the time? We were being ridiculous. We had a child together, for God’s sakes. Time to grow the hell up and deal with this. 

 

Without leaving my gaze for even a second, Blake smiled and nodded, showing that he was thinking the same things. “That’s a wonderful idea, sweetie! But what does your mom think?”

 

“Oh,  _ please _ .” She said oh so grown up, waving her hand as if she was dismissing the subject, a movement that made us crack up. “She is fine with it, right mommy? That weekend you had to travel she was super sad that you weren’t around, daddy.”

 

“Aurora!!” I exclaimed, trying to sound serious. “That was supposed to be our secret!”

 

“So, mommy was sad, huh? Funny, because she told me she didn’t even miss me…” Blake enjoyed the opportunity to drag me under the bus and my face was red with embarrassment. I couldn’t stop laughing, neither did they. 

 

“Mommy, I thought you said we weren’t supposed to lie!” Aurora scolded me, putting her pretty little hands on her waist, a posture Zuma calls “angry mom pose” because I was always looking at them like that. That was the last straw, I was crying with laughter and feeling cornered by my own boyfriend and daughter. 

 

“Oh my God, you’re too smart for your own sake, missy!” I said, trying to regain composure. When I finally stopped laughing, I continued. “But yes, dear. I was just kidding with you father, as he knows it  _ very well. _ ” I marked the last words with a frown towards Blake, because he would totally pay for that. “And the idea of him living with all of us is amazing, although for that just now he will sleep on the couch for a few nights.”

 

“Oh-oh, daddy is in trouble!” She giggled, hiding her smile behind her hands. But as I turned around to finish dinner, I could swear I heard her whispering: “You sleep on my bed, daddy.” 

 

Aurora indeed was, 100%, her daddy’s girl.

  
  
  


Somehow, in between all the moving, fresh starts and new schools, we forgot that we were living in LA again, Even though we have been living out of the spotlight for so many years, the simple fact that there was a 7 year old girl with pretty recognizable last names attending a school here wouldn’t just pass under the radar. 

 

It took the magazines exactly 3 days to realize that former The Voice coaches, Gwen Stefani and Blake Shelton, were back in Los Angeles and living together. The icing on the cake was the  _ juicy  _ detail that there was a little girl, along with Apollo, being dropped off by me and getting picked up by Blake from school everyday. So, naturally, articles began to overflow your inbox.

 

During my time apart, I deleted all my social media accounts or handed full control of them to my PR Team, because I didn’t want to give away my personal life anymore. So Aurora grew up, so far, pretty shielded from all of this. Which made it all the more confusing when she spotted paparazzi following us as we got inside the school gates.

 

She started crying on my lap when she saw them getting closer, hugging my neck tight and panicking. Apollo tried to shield us from the pictures, yelling at them, but I quickly took both to safety. Luckily, the school had other famous children, so they were ready to deal with this. Immediately they took us inside to a private room, where I could calm her down. Apollo was more understanding so I waved him goodbye as one of the assistants took him to class. God, I forgot that this was the reason I left this goddamn city.

 

“Sweetie, that’s okay, they’re gone now.” I whispered on her ear as I slowly tried to untangle her arms from me. “Look at me, you’re safe, c’mon.”

 

She looked up, still crying, trying to understand what was happening. “Who were these men, mommy? Why they were running after us?”

 

“They work for some magazines, dear… Remember when we told you that your dad and I used to be singers? We were famous before we had you, people wanted to know about our lives so these magazines told stories about us. Now that we are back here in Los Angeles, they want to see what we’ve been doing all these years.”

 

“They look so scary, mommy… I don’t want to see them again…” She buried her face on my neck.

 

“That’s okay, we’ll go home and cuddle, watch cartoons… How’s that sound? Let’s call your father to pick us up.”

 

She stopped crying as I called Blake and briefly explained that there has been a situation at school and we needed his help. In the meantime, I texted Todd for him to come and bring my car home afterwards. He texted back, asking if everything was okay, which I simply replied with “paparazzi”. He remembered how bad it was when we were on the media daily in the past, so his last text was  “gotcha”. 

 

I held Aurora close until Blake came slamming the door, his face white with worrying. He spotted us by the other side of the room and came closer in a heartbeat, crouching in front of Aurora, who was on my lap. She flew to his open arms and he picked her up like she didn’t weigh a thing. 

 

He took her to the car that was waiting on the back entrance and I explained to her teacher that she wasn’t used to this type of exposure, so we would take her home for the day and talk to her about the situation. She understood and offered the school’s psychiatric monitoring, in case she had a tougher time than we were expecting. 

 

As soon as I got inside the car, his driver started the engine and drove off. There were still a lot of paparazzis on the street, but Blake distracted Aurora telling her a story. She was so exhausted by the events of the day that she got home already sleeping, and for that I was thankful. 

 

Blake put her on her bed and we went to the living room, where I explained him what happened. I didn’t realize I was shaking until he pulled me closer on a tight embrace. I could finally take a deep breath and relax. Only after what it seemed like an eternity, he gently pulled his head back to look at me. 

 

“I had no idea… Oh God, how the hell did we not seen this coming? I feel like such an idiot…”

 

“Sunflower, don’t beat yourself up because of this. We will talk to her and explain it all, but I truly think this will go away soon. We aren’t that famous anymore, pretty soon we’ll stop being interesting and we’ll carry on with our lives.” 

 

“I really hope you’re right because it completely destroyed me seeing Aurora like that. I’d much rather cut off my own arm than seeing her so terrified, helpless.” 

 

“Maybe the nanny can drop her off, with a security guard, just until the dust settles? We’ll create a plan with the school or even get a tutor to come here for a couple weeks... “

 

I nodded, only partly there. My mind was a hundred miler per hour, thinking about the worst days I had with the boys, much younger than Aurora is now. Indeed, when she woke up, Blake talked to her like a true pro, and for the time being, she really understood that for sometime she would see these people on the street, but they would soon go away and she wouldn’t even remember them. 

 

By the end of the talk, she was laughing with her father’s attempts to show the faces she could make to scare the paps away. Only Blake was capable of turning this nightmare into a game for her. So I relaxed, thinking that the worst was gone. 

 

Boy, was I wrong. 

 

Articles saying that it was a stunt to promote our names, and therefore our businesses. People on tv saying that Aurora wasn’t his, because I disappeared for almost eight years, and it was at least “weird” that only now, that he was divorced and opening a branch of his label in LA, one to be soon be worth of millions, I came back with a child in tow. 

 

But the absolute worst was some shady website saying that he was using me and her to make Miranda jealous and get back with him. There were even some reports saying that Miranda regretted her decision to let him go and this time she was willing to do whatever it takes to make him stay, even having a child with him. She was younger and free of all the “baggage” I had. 

 

_ It wasn’t true. It wasn’t true. Blake is happy with you.  _ I tried repeating it to myself almost like a mantra.  _ These are just lies.  _

 

That made me sick to my stomach. Although I knew better, they were really convincing on their arguments, recalling my “cheating” in the past. By the time he got home, I was in a full blown panic attack. I had asked my mom to come and get the kids so they don’t see the worst of it. When Blake arrived, the house was empty, except for me, sitting alone in our backyard, surrounded by magazines. 

 

He was still with his jaw on the floor when I finally mustered the voice I needed to ask. “What are we gonna do now?”

 

“I don’t know.” He admitted, in a low voice, almost a whisper. 

 

“Do we release a statement? Do we call our old friend on the media business and ask for help? I’m freaking out, Blake… There’s articles saying… saying that Miranda….”

 

“Don’t even think about that.” He was firm now, sure of what he was saying. “Don’t even finish that sentence.”

 

“But-”.

 

“Gwen.” He shushed me, giving me a concerned look. “Are we really gonna let this people get in between us? Now that we finally have the family we’ve always wanted? I don’t give a fuck about what they are saying. What matters is what you and the boys think of me, the rest I want as far as possible.”

 

“Don’t you think we should at least release a statement?” 

 

“My people at the label suggested that idea back when I told them about Aurora.” He told me, coming closer and crouching in front of me, in the same way he did with our daughter back at school. “But I think that would add fuel to the flame. It would give them more stuff to talk about.” 

 

_ Why he doesn’t wanna come out to the world? Is he hiding something? Is he thinking that this isn’t gonna last?. _

 

“I just don’t want her seeing this. I wish I could keep her in a bubble or something.”

 

“We are just the hot topic of the week. It won’t last long.” He held my hand and shot me a reassuring smile that gave me comfort. “Besides, we have that party at the label at the end of the month. We’ll go together, show everyone that we are going strong and there’s nothing to talk about.”

 

I couldn’t bring myself to tell him some of the things I read about. I mean, nothing in his behavior suggested that he was unhappy with me, quite the opposite. My rational side knew that. But the seed has planted. My old insecurities were at their full form. The same ones that always told me I wasn’t pretty, skinny or young enough. My body gave birth to four kids; hers was still at it’s prime. 

 

_ He is happy with you. He isn’t going anywhere. _

 

_ Right? _

 

Maybe this was all just me being tired of what happened with Aurora. I’m not used to it anymore. My once thick skin to these sorts of things wore out after so many years in the safety of anonymity. He was happy,  _ we  _ were happy, I had no reason to doubt his intentions.

 

“Are you okay?”

 

“Is Miranda going?” He looked at me with a puzzled look on his face. “To the label’s party. Is she going?”

 

He didn’t have a clue about where this was coming from, or so it seemed. “Uhm, I believe so, but most of the country singers from the branch in Nashville are going to attend too.”

 

“Oh.”

 

“Gwen. I know that look. Talk to me.”

 

“Nothing…. It’s nothing. We’ll go together, everything will be fine.”

 

“Are  _ we  _ okay?” He asked me one last time. 

 

“Yes, we are.”

  
  


_ Are we?  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Keep in mind that I love y'all and I have to write the last two chapters before hunting me down. <3


	20. What now? I just can't figure it out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Read this keeping in mind that the next chapter is gonna be the last. It's more fun this way. :D
> 
> Also, I love y'all. Thanks for sticking with me all this time.

**BLAKE**

 

“So, how is married life with Gwen?” Adam asked on a mocking tone. I laughed, because I didn’t know how to answer that.

 

Although being “married” - not technically, _yet_ \- to Gwen was what I always wanted, things were a bit weird lately. Being on the cover of magazines again and all over the internet, this time with Aurora, really struck a chord with her insecurities. She was more quiet this days, often alone on the backyard, and despite my efforts to talk to her, I wasn’t getting nowhere.

 

After the episode on Aurora’s school, when we came home to all those articles, I swallowed my pride and let the curiosity win. When she went to bed, I came down and read some of them. It was bad. Of course it was all lies, but still… Gwen was naturally an insecure person. Something I never fully understood, since she could do it all, but that comes from a lifetime dealing with assholes. And I’m ashamed to admit that in the past I was one of them.

 

So now it was my job to make sure she feels safe and loved with me. The next day, I called someone I know that would love to help me with that task. And, just like I predicted, Kingston joined my plan.

  


“The honeymoon phase already faded? Sneaking out of parties doesn’t bring the same thrill anymore?” Carson added, joining the roast. We were at his house, checking up on him, but thank God he was almost 100% better. No signs of tumor and he looked healthy as it can be. His house was the same place Gwen and I came out to the world, including our daughter. Not by choice, but because at the time we were behaving like a couple of teenagers who just had discovered sex.

 

“Not that it’s any of your business, but no, things between us are great, thank you very much.” I answered, trying to pretend I was mad. They laughed even more. _Stupid bastards._ “It’s just.. This thing with the press, man… It got under Gwen’s skin, I can tell. But she won’t talk to me.”

 

“That’s rough… Do you think she doesn’t trust you?” Adam enquired, trying to understand the situation.

 

“I think she doesn’t trust herself. As if she isn’t enough for me.”

 

“Which is clearly absurd, just take a look at you both.” Carson stated, laughing, and I just rolled my eyes.

 

Hanging out with the guys was great and most of the times I wish we could do this more. But today, with so many things going on in my head, I wanted them to understand my problem and try to help me out. I simply can’t lose Gwen over something so ridiculous. I already did it once and we barely survived.

 

I went home that night determined to put this behind us. The label party was this weekend, where we would go together and show the world we were stronger than ever. Everyone that still had a shadow of a doubt about us would also attend and, once they see how happy we were, our problems would end. After that, the path would be clear for me to execute the second part of my plan.

 

That idea started to fall apart Saturday morning, the day of the party, when Gwen got a call from the restaurant: her main chef, Luke, who had gone to Seattle to inspect one of the restaurants, had a problem with his flight back and wouldn’t be here in time to open the LA subsidiary on their busiest day of the week. Gwen would have to fill in for him, and that meant skipping the party.

 

“Apparently the flight got overbooked.” She said to me as soon as she hung up the phone. We were at the kitchen having breakfast and the kids were still asleep. “He’s trying to solve it, but it looks like I’ll have to take his place at the kitchen for the night.”

 

“I can’t believe this.” I said before I had the time to think straight and she looked at me with an _‘excuse me?’_ expression. “On the _one_ night we have plans… the only night I wished you’d be there next to me because this party is so important to me, to the label...”

 

“My restaurant is important to me too, you know?” She fired back. “I’m sorry I can’t be available at all hours to be the perfect little trophy wife like you had in the past.” Her voice was filled with hurt. “In fact, she will be there, won’t she? It will be just like you want!”

 

“If I wanted her, I’d be with her, but I want you, damn it!” I shouted back, angry that, once again, she was questioning our relationship. After my explosion, I took a deep breath, my hands going through my face in an exasperated manner. “I can’t fight this alone, Gwen. I’m here and that should be enough proof. I thought I was giving you enough clues about my love for you… but clearly I’m failing to do so.”

 

“Blake…” She began to say something, my I put my hand up, asking her to stop talking.

 

“Do your thing, I’ll do mine. We’ll talk later.” Without waiting for an answer, I picked up my things and got out of the door.

 

I mean, I wasn’t mad that she had to stay at the restaurant. I wasn’t asking her to choose between me and her business. Although I’m sure the place would survive without her for a night. I was angry at her insecurities, threatening to do us apart. Deep down, I knew I couldn’t be too harsh because once it was _my_ issues that drove us apart, but I just… I thought we were strong enough to get through this.

 

Two blocks away from the house I was already regretting my decision to leave, but still I didn’t turn away. We both needed some air.

 

We didn’t talk for the rest of the day. When I came back to change for the party, she was at the restaurant. The kids were at Todd’s for the night and I was completely alone. This night was supposed to be completely different. We were meant to be getting ready together, laughing and relaxing before the launch of my label here in California. The dress she would wear was still hanging in the closet, a stunning gray and pink one. I’ve seen her wearing it for the fitting and I don’t think I’ve seen someone more beautiful, ever. I was looking forward to take it out at the end of the night, when we would celebrate between four walls. The next morning, when all the kids returned home, I’d get down on one knee, propose to her and put the perfect finishing touch on our love story.

 

Now, everything was hanging in the air.

 

I knew I was expect on the red carpet, but I just couldn’t bare the fact that I was alone. Everyone would have questions about my relationship with Gwen and now I didn’t know what to answer. I was hoping that she would be right next to me and just the fact that we were there together would be answer enough.

 

I went inside from a back door, going straight to the bar. I asked the barman for a double shot of whiskey and drank it all on one sip, welcoming the familiar burn on my throat. When I placed the glass back to the counter, I looked to my side only to find Miranda coming to my direction.

  
  


**GWEN**

 

Stupid, stupid brain. What the hell was wrong with me? I knew Blake loved me, things between us were great, I had no reason at all to doubt him… Yet, here I was, saying hurtful words I didn’t really mean to say. As soon as he walked out that door, tears came down my face. I was such an idiot. He was nothing but supportive and my dumb brain couldn’t stop looking for flaws and signs that he was leaving.

 

I wanted to go after him, but I heard steps coming from the stairs. The kids were up. So I dried my tears quickly and put on a brave face, pretending there was absolutely nothing going on, even though my heart was in pieces.

 

I dropped them off at Todd’s on my way to work, because the original plan was date night for the adults. Funny how things change in a heartbeat, huh?

 

For the first time since I opened my first place, I dreaded going inside the restaurant. A feeling of anxiety and pain came across my heart, as if this building was the sole responsible for my shitty day. But we all knew who was the true guilty: myself. I let those lies get inside me and now I was potentially destroying everything I’ve always wanted.

 

Truth is, if I were to be completely honest to myself, I knew that the situation at the kitchen could be easily solved. I mean, it wasn’t the first time Luke had gone away, leaving the job for his _sous chefs_ , but at that time, my pride spoke louder. I reacted at Blake’s words without thinking and now there was no going back.

 

The place was in full swing when the kitchen door opened to reveal Luke, with a bag on his shoulders, straight out of the plane. I froze in place, holding a knife with one hand and a tomato with the other. I was officially out of excuses.

 

“What the hell are you doing here?” He asked, putting his travel bag on the floor and requesting his assistant to bring his chef attire. “Don’t you have a party to go to?”

 

“What are _you_ doing here? I thought you were stuck in Seattle!”

 

“I got a last minute seat on another plane, didn’t even have the chance to tell you.” He finished getting dressed and approached me, taking the knife and the tomato from my hands, looking straight to my eyes. “But you know the guys can handle it. Is there something you’re hiding?”

 

“No. I mean.. This is my restaurant, I have to make sure everything was going great.”

 

“Gwen.” He didn’t buy it for one second. Luke could read me like a book. “What’s going on?”

 

“I… I’m an idiot.” I confessed, shrugging my shoulders, feeling my eyes prickle with tears. “We had a fight, I’m too stubborn to say I’m sorry and now I probably lost him forever.”

 

“That is bullshit.” He dismissed me completely, taking my place in front of the cutting board. “He worships the ground you’re standing.” He started cutting the tomato, but when he saw I didn’t move, he stopped and looked at me. “Gwen, you’re not gonna lose him. Just go, get ready, meet him at the party and say you’re sorry. It’s that simple.”

 

God, of course it was. Why was I making this so hard? We loved each other and we already overcame 7 years apart. That was virtually nothing we couldn’t get through. He swallowed his pride once for me, going after me when he knew he had made a mistake. It was my turn to reach for him.

 

I decided to make it special. Taking one bottle of champagne from the walk-in storage and two glasses from the cupboard, I smiled, kissed Luke’s cheek and yelled a “Thank you!” on my way out.

 

I was excited by the time I got home. I would make this right with the man I loved. It was not fair that he had to go on the most important night of his life without me by his side, what the hell was I thinking? It had nothing to do with being a trophy wife. He just wanted his partner with him. That’s what he were, right?

 

I took an ice bucket from the kitchen, filled it with ice and put the champagne on it, taking it upstairs to leave it next to our bed, along with the glasses I bought from the restaurant. When we get home, we would toast to a happy life and put this fight behind us, once and for all.

 

There was no time for a glam squad, so I just did the makeup by myself and put the dress I had chosen for the night, only requesting one of Blake’s drivers to come pick me up. I had his assistant’s phone and she promised me that in 15 minutes someone would come to drive me to the party.

 

It was almost midnight when I finally arrived to the venue. The driver stopped right across the street and I put my hand on the handler, waiting for a couple cars to go by before I stepped outside the vehicle. But as I was opening the door, I saw it.

 

I couldn’t believe my eyes. It was simply not true.

 

Because that’s no way in hell that Blake and Miranda were in the same car, getting ready to leave the party.

 

But somehow, that was what my eyes were telling me. Blake putting the seatbelt on her, closing his truck’s door, going around it and getting in too. Starting the car and driving off to God knows where. I was a little far away, so I couldn’t see their faces, but I could recognize his silver hair anywhere in the world. And it was probably for the best that I couldn’t see the happy, lovey expressions, faces of people about to have a good time between sheets. It would have been too much for me.

 

The air escaped my lungs. Tears ruined the makeup I put on for him and fell on my dress, leaving a trace of sadness behind them. I closed the door again.

 

“I changed my mind. Take me back home.”

  


Almost two hours went by before I finally heard the door unlocking. During all this time, I wasn’t able to move, get undressed, nothing. I just sat on a chair we had on our bedroom, staring at the air in front of me, crying silent tears. I wanted to smash the bottle of champagne on the floor, break the glasses and set  on fire all of his belongings, but I just couldn’t move.

 

Why would he do this to me? Why run after me during months, swearing his love for me, letting me believe that he wanted to build a family and raise our daughter together, just to completely tear apart the heart I’ve spent years trying to glue together? Was he  _that_ cruel? I couldn’t get my head around it. Everything hurt so bad… I was feeling _physical_ pain, as if the sight of them both together was a truck and it had ran me over. I felt powerless, hopeless, with a darkness threatening to take over. Almost a decade later and here I was, feeling the same I did on that rainy, fateful night.

 

I heard him approaching the bedroom and opening the door. He wasn’t expecting to see me awake. In a slow-motion, I could see the realization of the scene going through his head. The champagne, the dress, the makeup… and then, the tears. I didn’t have to say a word; he completely understood what was happening. But I had to ask anyway.

 

“Where were you?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *GOES INTO HIDING FOR THE NEXT WEEK UNTIL I FINISH WRITING THE NEXT CHAPTER*


	21. Don't you think we outta know by now? /  I'm running and I'm crawling, fighting for you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, there you have it. The last chapter of this incredible and unbelievable journey. When I think this story came to me in a dream, it blows my mind. I could never thank you guys enough for the support and the feedback, without you for sure this fic wouldn't be the same! 
> 
> I hope you guys like this chapter and give me your thoughts in the comment section! This means so much for me and I hope, from the bottom of my heart, that the ending makes sense for everyone. I love you guys so, so, so much!
> 
> For the first part, I used the songs in the title (Slowdancing in a Burning Room - John Mayer - shout out to Zoe for recommending it / and Homesick - Dua Lipa ft. Chris Martin) and for the last part, I was inspired by From The Ground Up - Dan and Shay.
> 
> I couldn't end this story without giving a HUGE thank you for my partner in crime, my biggest inspiration and my greatest source of feedback: Bea. I couldn't have done this without you. You helped me in more ways than one and for that I'll forever be thankful. I love you, babe!

 

**BLAKE**

 

I should have known.

 

I could see the storm gathering up on the sky above us, but I was too stupid to realize how bad it was. I just sat there, completely oblivious, thinking it would be a light drizzle, when in reality a freaking hurricane was set to destroy everything I had. And that hurricane was waiting for me on Gwen’s eyes when I came home after the party.

 

She was sitting on a chair in our bedroom, all dressed up, which means she went to the party, but her face was marked with tears. Her nose was red and so were her eyes, but she wasn’t crying anymore. Gwen was looking at me with an expression that could only be described as _betrayal_.

 

And something inside of me clicked. She had seen me driving Miranda home. That must have been it, because my assistant found me at the party, some time after I came back, and asked if Gwen was there already because the press wanted pictures. We couldn’t find her anywhere so I flew home.

 

“Where were you?” Gwen asked, with just a thread of a voice, but in her mind the answer was already there. She was probably thinking that I was with Miranda this whole time and I had no idea how to untangle this mess.

 

“Gwen…” I called, reaching out for her with my hand. She reacted as if she had been electrocuted, jumping out of the chair and pulling herself away from me. That hurt me worse than if she had slapped me. “I was at the party. I know what you saw, but please let me explain….”

 

“Oh, right! Like you did let me explain eight years ago, right?” Her voice was pure venom, distilling a bitterness I’ve never seen. But that one I deserved. “You didn’t let me say a word then, why the hell do you think I should let you talk now?”

 

“Because you know how much it hurts, damn it!” I exploded, frustrated.

 

“Yeah, damn right I know!” She yelled back, waving her arms at me. But then she stopped and put her hands on her waist, lowering the tone of her voice. “I’ve been spending this whole time thinking ‘it’s not true, the stuff they’re saying about Blake and _her_ did not happen’... You _knew_ how I felt about it, Blake!” Tears threatened to come down her eyes again and I felt the worst guy in the world. “I asked you with all the letters if there was something going on and you said no! But the first thing I see is you two leaving the party together!” The last part of the sentence was no more than a whisper, with her voice completely broken because she was crying again.

 

“I just drove her home and came back….Gwen, I... I even got up on the stage afterwards….”

 

“Do you know how that makes me feel?” She cut me off, her voice and her expression equally sharp. “Like if I was just a toy for you. Like if all of a sudden you got bored of playing house with me, with the kids.... With her was so easy, wasn’t it? You just drank and partied. You wanted to know what it was like to be a family man but you found out you’re not shaped to be one.”

 

On that moment, I thought that if I looked down on the floor, I would see my heart shattered in a million pieces. Every dream, every plan I had for us, for the rest of our life… was shredded along with it. She had no idea what I’ve been planning and thought I hadn’t made up my mind yet. Because of a damn rumor on the media, she thought I’d rather go back to the living hell that was marriage with Miranda than being with her and our family.

 

I thought we had learned our lesson.

 

“It was nothing like this and you know it.” I took a deep breath because I could feel the tears pooling up on the corners of my eyes. It was killing me that she didn’t believe in my words. I wanted to scream, I wanted to cry, to grab her by the shoulders and shake her until I knocked some sense into her. It was _us,_ for God’s sakes. Blake and Gwen. Nobody should never have the right to get in the middle of our relationship. But I’m ashamed to say that I was the one that first opened that door.

 

I was the one that first let outsiders have that kind of power over us and it left a mark that, apparently, we would never be able to erase completely. It was there, hidden in the shadows, waiting for the appropriate time to come out and make the most destruction possible. Now that mistake was a ghost, free to hunt our relationship every time one of us gets insecure. And the worst part is: we don’t know how to get rid of it.

 

“The only thing I know,” she began, turning her back to me. I knew that she was crying too but her voice was steadier than ever. “is that I’m _tired_ of having my heart glued back together just for you to smash it all over again. I can’t do this anymore.”

 

“ _You_ can’t do this anymore? I’m the one having to prove myself, over and over again, because you can never trust me completely! You can’t even trust yourself, Gwen!” She looked at me over her shoulder, with her face twisted from the pain. I hated being the one making her feel like this, but there were some things she needed to hear. “This has nothing to do with Miranda, and once you come to your senses you’re gonna realize that.”

 

She turned around again, livid with anger, screaming at me. “How it has nothing to do with her if all of this started with you taking her home?”

 

“No, it started when you decided to believe the media!” I wasted no time firing back. “She already arrived shitfaced at the party, because she had a fight with her boyfriend or whatever… I drove her home, left her there and went back.”

 

I could she on her body language that she was having doubts about what she saw. For a moment, I thought she was going to turn around this whole fight would be forgotten. I waited and waited, but she couldn’t make up her mind. We stood in silence, looking at the floor, incapable of reaching out for each other. When did that happen? When our love became this fragile thing that couldn’t bare a stronger blow of the wind?

 

“C’mon, Gwen…” I whispered.

 

“I… I need some time.”

 

She got past me and left the room, and it took every fiber of strength I had not to go after her. But I was mad too. It was my turn to be pissed because, honestly, I did absolutely nothing wrong. For the first time since we began dating again, we were sleeping in different rooms, with a huge question mark over our heads.

 

**GWEN**

 

I could hear steps on the hall the next morning, a sign that Blake was up and getting ready for work. I barely had any sleep, thinking about our fight and afraid that he was gonna take his things and leave me. I was hurt and heartbroken, but the thought of not having him near was enough to scare me to death. That, however, meant that I was trapped in the middle of a crossroads.

 

It was a familiar behavior that I never thought I was going to repeat. Staying in bed, without the strength to move so much as a finger, watching life go by without me. I lost track of time, falling in a dark hole of sadness and despair. My phone rang, somewhere in the house, but I couldn’t bring myself to get up and answer it.

 

I didn’t know how much time had passed before I heard the door unlocking downstairs, followed by running steps and kids’ laughter. I completely forgot that they all would spend the weekend with us, including Kingston and Zuma. Once King sees me like this, hell will break loose. He barely went back to talking to Blake… I didn’t want to spur this on them yet, not before a definitive talk between us. So I put on a brave face just in time before the door busted open with two small kids jumping on top of me.

 

“Why are you sleeping in the guest bedroom, mommy?” Aurora asked as soon as she landed on the mattress. “We went to your room but there was no one there….”

 

“Mommy is a bit sick, dear…” I lied, avoiding looking to the bigger boys, because they could see right through me, and stroked her hair. “I didn’t wanna disturb your daddy’s sleep so I came here.“

 

Her and Apollo kissed my cheeks and flew downstairs again because they were hungry. Zuma came closer, placed a kiss on my forehead and asked if everything was okay. I nodded, holding onto his hands, and let them go, squeezing them one last time as a sign of support. But Kingston stood right in his place until there was just the two of us in the room.

 

He was not buying this for one second.

 

“I recognize the pattern.” He began, crossing his arms in front of his chest. “What happened?”

 

“It’s nothing. I’m just not feeling well. It will pass in a heartbeat.”

 

“Mom.”

 

“What?”

 

“What. Happened.” He asked again, getting completely into fight mode. There was _no way_ this would end well.

 

“We’re trying to figure this out, King. I don’t want you involved.” He rolled his eyes, punching the air. “Please stay out of this!”

 

“What did he do now?” I pressed my lips together, not really wanting to tell him. But one look from Kingston and I understood that if I didn’t tell him, he would go to Blake and wouldn’t ask as nicely.

 

“I went to the party late yesterday… and saw him leaving with Miranda.” But then, he had an unexpected reaction: a sign of relief.

 

“Oh.... that. I thought it was something else.”

 

“What? You knew?” I got out of bed, standing up.

 

“Yeah, I was there too, remember? She arrived at the party already drunk, out of her mind, it was terrible. I think she had a boyfriend and they had a fight or something like that and was making a scene there. Blake tried calling his driver to take her home but he couldn’t find him anywhere... So he took her car, drove her home and called an Uber back. He was gone for like, five minutes. Why are you making such a big deal out of this?”

 

Oh, my God. His driver was with me. That’s why he had to take her himself.

 

The room started spinning way too fast around me and I felt like I was going to throw up. My vision got blurry and I leaned on him so I didn’t fall. I couldn’t believe how cruel I was over something so stupid. I got it all wrong. After I recomposed myself, King helped me sit on the bed, holding my hand and staring at me, looking for signs to see if I was okay or not.

 

But something didn’t sit right yet.

 

“Why are you defending him? You hated his guts not a month ago.”

 

“I’m not defending him, mom…. And I didn’t _hate his guts_.” He rolled his eyes when quoting my phrase. “I was just hurt. I'm doing this because I love you and I can't just sit and watch  you run away from happiness just because you're scared.”

 

“I believed everyone but him… He looked so hurt yesterday… I screwed up, King…” I confessed in a whisper, hiding my head on my hands.

  
“We have been talking a lot lately, Blake and I… He asked my help with something….” My gaze flew up to his face, curious. “I can’t tell you what it is yet, but I know for a fact that he would never do something like this, like cheat on you... once you guys figure this out, you’ll see.”

 

“Since you guys are best friends… Do you think he will forgive me?” I asked, genuinely enquiring, and he gave me a side smile that I loved so much.

 

“Of course, mom, my God… That guy would happily slay dragons for you.” He stroke his thumb softly on the back of my hand, giving me a reassuring smile. “Where the hell did you get the idea that he would cheat on you, anyway?”

 

I nodded my head. “I’m stupid. The media was talking….”

 

“Really, mom? After God knows how many years on the spotlight?”

 

“I have to fix this, don’t I?”

 

“You better.” He laughed. “He’s in his office downtown.”

 

“Can you keep an eye on the kids?”

 

“Of course. Go.”

 

It was way past office hours when I got there, so the whole building was quiet. I was greeted by the security guard that let me in and led me to Blake’s office. I knocked on the door, without announcing who I was. Part of me had the irrational fear that he would kick me out before even listening to me. We answered a “Get in!” and I did.

 

He looked up just as I got past the door, with a surprised look on his face. He clearly wasn’t expecting me, but I couldn’t let that wear my determination down.

 

“Gwen… What are you doing here? Is there something wrong with the kids?”

 

“No, they’re fine, Kingston is with them.” I shook my head, taking a deep breath. “I came here because… because I’m stupid. I’m a fool and I got so scared to lose you that I did the complete opposite I should have done.”

 

“Gwen, you’re not stupid…”

 

“No, let me say this.” I interrupted him before I lost my courage. “You’ve done more than enough, I shouldn’t be asking you to prove anything to me… You’re right, I know how much being on the other side hurts and I should never have done the same with you. I wish I had a good excuse… But the fact is that I was so scared to see you leaving that I panicked. I guess part of me will never be over being alone all those years and now that I have you back into my life I don’t wanna go back to that place ever again.”

 

“You won’t, Gwen..” He added in a low voice.

 

“I know you’re hurting right now. I said some horrible things…” I took one step closer to him, testing the waters. He didn’t flinch or move, so I took another one. “I don’t know how long you’ll take to forgive me, if one day you’ll ever will, but....” I approached him with one more step and this time he looked down so I froze on spot. “All I’m asking is for a second chance. I know better now.” I completed my speech in a hopeful voice, with expectant eyes.

 

“I still can’t believe you thought I would rather go back to a manipulative liar than having the life I’ve always dreamed with you.” He confessed with a hint of hurt on his voice and I could actually _hear_ my heart breaking. “That hit me harder than anything… It felt like you didn’t know me at all. What’s the point of building a life together if at the first sign you trouble you dig out all the shit I’ve done? I’m not that person anymore, Gwen… You know that.”

 

“I’m sorry…” It was my last thread of hope. “Do you…. Do you think you can forgive me?”

 

He didn’t say a word for what it felt like ages. I was hanging in the air, holding onto his every move. Finally, I gave up, because it didn’t seem like he was willing to give me another chance. Fighting against the tears threatening to come down, I nodded and whispered an “Ok, then..” and turned around to leave the room.

 

But before I had the chance to take a single step, he grabbed my arm and pulled me to him, making our bodies crash on each other. It all happened so fast but when I realized his mouth was on top of mine, like a hungry person in a feast. My heart skipped a beat and that kiss felt like home.

 

I threw my arms on his neck, hugging him so tight I could almost feel the air getting out of him, but he didn’t seem to notice, since he was holding me just as close.

 

“You make me crazy..” He said, between kisses. “You’re gonna give me a heart attack and for sure I’ll die before I hit 60 if you keep up treating my heart like a punching bag…. But I could never give up on you, Gwen… I love you _so. damn. much_ . _”_

 

I giggled, a little bit shy. I felt indescribably light, at ease. I was learning quickly that being apart from Blake caused me _physical_ pain. But this was a lesson I would gladly forget as soon as I could. I didn’t intend on being on a fight like this with him ever again.

 

“I love you too..” I said it back, hugging him again. “I know I’m a work in progress, but I’ll get better, you’ll see. It will be worth it.”

 

“I know it will.” He buried his face on my neck. “God, I _can’t wait_ to marry you.” He whispered so low that for a moment I wondered if I had imagined it. But no, he actually said it.

 

“What did you say?” I pulled my head away to look at him. Only then he realized he had said it out loud.

 

“Fuck.” He cursed. “It was not the way I planned on doing this…”

 

“Doing _what?”_

 

“The kids are going to kill me…”  
  
“For what? Blake, care to explain what’s happening?”

 

“Marry me.” He blunted out and my only reaction was blinking. “I have a ring and everything, I promise. Tomorrow I’ll ask again in front of the kids because they are on this too and you’ll have to pretend to be surprised, but..” He was talking way too fast and I could barely keep up. “Marry me, Gwen. Let’s do what we should have done eight years ago. I should have asked you this the minute you kissed me under the rain in my ranch in Oklahoma, but I’m doing it now. Will you marry me?”

 

What else was there to say?

 

“Yes.”

  


**_20 YEARS LATER_ **

 

**BLAKE**

 

She was sitting on the old swingset in the backyard, caressing her giant 9-month belly. It was pretty early and the Sun had just appeared on the sky, painting the horizon with such beautiful colors. Ever since she was little, this was her favorite hobby. _Let’s watch the pretty colors on the sky, daddy! Is it true that my name means ‘sunrise’?_ She would say to me to wake me up and I, as a good mushy dad that I was, would oblige every time.

 

20 years came and went in a blink of an eye, and now Aurora was on the verge of having her own child. She was an worldwide country singer, as everyone predicted, married with her highschool sweetheart and leader of her band, Aaron. I couldn’t have asked for a better son-in-law, but still… She would be my little girl forever.

 

I would never forget the day I walked her down the aisle. Although I was giving her away, it was a dream coming true… walking my daughter on her wedding day.

 

Gwen and I were long retired, living in a piece of land we bought in upstate California, so we would be closer to everyone. All the kids were married and with their own families, but at least once a month they all got together here for a family dinner. Well, when Aurora wasn’t doing tours all over the country; when Kingston wasn’t managing bands through my label he was running in my place; when Zuma wasn’t covering NFL games as a sports journalist and when Apollo wasn’t practicing veterinary medicine on a farm somewhere in the world.

 

Today was one of those rare times when everyone, their spouses and their kids were filling the house with laughter and talks, driving me and Gwen insane, but the good kind. Aurora could give birth at any minute and they all took the end of the year holiday leave a little earlier to be here for their little sis.

 

I took my coffee mug and sat next to her on the swingset that was big enough for both of us. She looked at me and smiled. I stroke her belly to say goodmorning to the baby and she laughed. Gwen insisted we did that with every pregnant woman on this family, so the baby would get used with the feeling of love and security. At first, we all laughed, of course. But the tradition ended up sticking. Now it was second nature.

 

“How are you feeling, baby girl? Couldn’t sleep?” I asked Aurora, placing my arm over her shoulders.

“I’m so big it’s hard to sleep well these days… But it’s okay. What about you? Is that pain on your shoulder bothering you again?” She asked me with worried eyes.

 

“No, I’m just used to waking up early everyday… Old habits die hard. You know, my kid used to wake me up at the crack of dawn just to see the Sun rising….” She laughed out loud and hid her face in my shoulder, embarrassed.

 

“It’s you and mom’s fault for naming me Aurora… Y’all should have named me “Sleep”, or “Bed”, or something like that if you didn’t want me waking up so early!”

 

“That it’s all on your mom’s shoulders. And to be fair it’s the name of the _Sleeping Beauty_ princess, as you told me over and over again.”

  
“ _Touché,_ old man.” She admitted, laughing.

 

We sat in silence for some time, enjoying the peace and quiet before everyone wakes up and the house becomes the mayhem we know and love. I drank my coffee with one hand and kept my other on her belly, feeling my grandson move and kick all around the place.

 

“So, when’s this little guy gonna come out? No sign yet?”

 

“I’ve been feeling this weird pain down there, but I don’t think it’s the contractions already… Anyway I’ll wait to see if they grow worse before alarming everyone.”

 

“Alright.” I didn’t want to admit it, but the idea of my sweet little girl giving birth to a baby scared the shit out of me. She looked so thin, so fragile… Although she was healthy as she could be and I had nothing to worry about, my heart was permanently tight every since she broke the news to us.

 

“Do you regret it?” She asked, pulling me out of my thoughts.

 

“Huh?”

 

“Do you regret not being able to have this moment with mom? When I was born?”

 

“Absolutely, dear. Without a shadow of a doubt.” I answered, honestly. “Whenever I go back and think about the stupid things I’ve done and how much it cost me…. I want to kick myself. But at the same time… if that old me hadn’t done all that.... Where would we be? Would we still be like this, as close as we are?”

 

“I don’t know… Honestly, it could have ended badly somewhere down the road and you guys wouldn’t be here together now, right?”

 

“Yeah, that’s what I think too. We had to go through all that to be as strong as we needed to be.” She nodded, agreeing. “Besides, I didn’t have that with you but I’m gonna have with this little cowboy right here. _Yes I will!”_ I said, using my baby voice to speak to the belly. “ _Grandpa Blake is gonna give you all the candies you want before dinner and your mom’s gonna be soooo mad! I don’t even care!”_

 

She was almost crying with laughter. “Oh my God, you’re gonna spoil my kid to death!”

 

“What else is there for a grandfather to do? It’s practically on the manual.” I replied. She hugged me on my waist but the sweet moment was cut short unexpectedly. “Did you just pee…?”

 

“No, dad! My water broke! He’s coming!” She stood up and I rushed to do the same, almost dropping my mug.

 

“Oh my God, okay! Let’s wake up everyone, we have a baby to deliver!” I carefully helped her get inside, yelling at the same time to the hole house. “GUYS, THE BABY IS COMING! WAKE THE HELL UP!” Turning to her again, I saw tears and immediately my heart stopped. But before I could say anything, she interjected and reassured me everything was okay.

 

“It’s not pain, I’m just… overwhelmed. I can’t believe this is actually happening. I’m about to become a mother.... Wow.”

 

“Yeah, honey… My baby’s going to have her own baby now.” I added, smiling, and she squeezed my hand, apparently feeling her first contraction. “But you’re gonna be fine, right?”

 

“I will, just… don’t let go of my hand, dad.”

 

“Never.”

 


End file.
